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Single Parents
LoveyFNR
member
Is it always this difficult or am I dealing with a bunch of jerks?
LoveyFNR
member
I have been trying so hard to get help over the past week. My domestic abuse advocate took 2 days to return my several phone calls and when she finally did she told me to call her for a phone meeting at 9 AM today as STBXH has been trying to contact me and I have a TON of questions. She blew me off. And everyone tells me she is the only one I can speak with. His court date is tomorrow and I have information that could get him in even deeper trouble and they won't help or even bother to get my information.
It took me an entire day to get through to someone to file for an Order Of Protection which I have to do tomorrow and they want me to bring in a police report of the incident. I can't get ahold of anyone but a frickin automatic message system. The police officer that arrested H did not give me a card so I don't even know who he is.
It's no wonder abused women don't seek help. They have to fight to get it and it only tears them down. I feel like no one even cares to help me.
If I wasn't so damn afraid of H I'd forget about all this crap and not even bother. The system is so fvcked up. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it always this difficult or am I dealing with a bunch of jerks?
All these years I've watched the news and thought why on earth was that woman still there!?! After dealing with the courts I know 100% why. H got sentenced to 30 days in a locked mental hospital. He was out 6 days later because he was cleared for outpatient care. I got a phone call on Tuesday from the courthouse saying he would be released on Wed. He showed up ten minutes later. Within minutes he was in my face screaming and hitting himself and telling me to hit him. I called the cops. They told me to get my stuff and get out (the whole reason I was at the house to begin with) Since then he has relapsed and called me at 2am to tell me the house was under alien invasion and he was scared. I called the dr in charge of mental health at the hospital and was told that they couldn't help me bc h took away all my medical access to his records. So now I'm left to fend for myself. The only thing I've been told is that the only way for me to get him back into court is if the police who respond to my future calls decide he is a danger in which case he goes to jail not the hospital. He is sick. How does jail help? I feel like I keep walking into a wall over and over again. I don't even know how to proceed or move on when he is so sick. I can try and be as smart and safe as possible but without the courts help I'm a sitting duck.
I did find a group that if I followed all their rules then they had a very high success rate in getting the courts to do the right thing but it involved moving into their safe house. Cutting off all contact with my family. Disconnecting my cell phone. Pretty much becoming a leach on the legal program to aid women of domestic violence. Just didnt sound like the path for me.
Honestly, you just have to be persistent. I've been there, done that, still doing it. The victim's advocates have tons of cases and I believe they do the best they can; you just need to keep calling. As for your STBXH trying to contact you,you have a temporary OOP, right? If he contacts you then you need to contact the police and file a report, every.single.time. Do not respond to his emails/phone calls/texts/etc.; there's no need to do so.
As for the OOP, I believe you should be able to just go down to the courthouse and file it yourself; you shouldn't need someone else to do it for you and I don't see why you should have to wait another day to get it. I don't know specifically how it works for your town or city, but anytime I needed to get a copy of a police report I just have to go down to the police station and request it. There were some forms to fill out and there's a small fee where I live, but it was pretty simple although it was not possible to do it over the phone. Did the officer not give you a copy of the report or even the report number? Everytime I've filed a report I've received at least the basic information so you may want to double check any papers you were given (at the time it can be stressful and you may not even know what you were handed). I'm sure this can all vary by state and city (for the police records). Good luck!
and have you tried:
1. Go to the police station. They can give you the officer's name who 1st responded and any other info you may need.
2. You probably can't give any info about a crime to the courts bc you are married to him (I feel like I am totally messing up some law here so I hope someone else understands what I'm trying to say) If you came into the information about a crime from someone else talk to them about reporting it.
That isn't completely correct. The only thing marital status prohibits is the courts compelling a spouse to testify or report a crime. If she wants to willingly report/testify about it, then she can.
They can subpoena me if it is a domestic abuse case whether or not I am married to him. I would gladly testify anyways.
I am going to the courthouse tomorrow to hand the case prosecutor the proof he violated his no contact order which would stop them from offering him a plea deal. I hope they don't make me testify but if they do I will do it. I just want to avoid seeing him.
The OOP is no longer an issue because I know I should get it without my police report considering his charges. I will be at the courthouse regardless tomorrow so I will obtain a copy then.
Yikes. Please don't listen to this info! How do you think people file charges for domestic violence to begin with?? One spouse reports that the other spouse did it. I know Scout meant well, so I'm not trying to call anyone out, but this is potentially dangerous misinformation!
Yes, you can absolutely testify against your husband if you want to. They just can't MAKE you testify about certain things if you don't want to because you could invoke your right to spousal privilege.
Sorry for the bad info. I was also thinking that he had committed some other crime that had nothing to do with you. But I guess I was just completly off here.
Okay, so I FINALLY got a hold of my advocate and that PP said, she has just been very very busy and wasn't able to get a hold of me. But fortunately I am persistant and got through. I sent her all of the information about him violating his no contact order and him also asking me to retract my statement so that should really nail him in court tomorrow.
I am doing my OOP in the morning as almost everyone I have talked to advises it even though he's locked up. I also cannot get a copy of the police report YET until he is totally sentenced. I guess it could impact other witnesses testimony and what not but that's alright.
I am currently now just searching for a lawyer to go through with my divorce. ANd that will be my final step. I won't have to worry about fighting for much as he has such an ugly background of abuse and violence. I am so relieved to have got through.
Thanks for advice ladies.