Hello! My name is Chris! My fiance and I are starting to plan for kids... Here's the thing, we are 2 guys so obviously traditional pregnancy isn't an option! Question: Has anyone here adopted a baby or went through surrogacy? -Any resources to read/check out?-Advice?-The process, costs, etc? Let me know! We are really interested in learning about the different processes and what is the best option. Please leave comments! Thanks!!!
Re: Pregnancy Alternatives...Adoption, Surrogacy, etc...Advice?
Welcome!
I'll let other people here with more experience field this question in detail, but basically my advice is to look into foster care. Adoption can be costly, so we started doing that, but ended up with a pregnancy. They have free parenting classes, free home studies, and there are tons of foster kids out there (of all ages), many that end up needing to being adopted.
Good luck to you!
Welcome! You will have many choices in regards to building your family but the paths you take will depend on what you and your fiance are comfortable with. Each route has it's own pros and cons. There are some terrific ladies on this board who will be able to speak about fostering and adoption. Please feel free to stick around and join the conversations.
Welcome! We're mostly women around here, but definitely stick around and participate! There are several regular posters who have adopted from foster care (or are fostering with a goal of eventually adopting). If you're interested in private adoption definitely stop over on the adoption board - most of their info won't be LGBT-specific, but there's a lot of knowledge. I think your experience with private adoption will vary pretty significantly depending on which state/area of the country you live in. My understanding is that international adoption is fairly difficult (impossible?) as a gay couple (many countries don't allow it) but there may be some limited options. Surrogacy is expensive, but I believe the costs are lower if you know someone who is willing to be the surrogate (usually with donor eggs and sperm from you or your fiance.)
I don't have much personal knowledge about this stuff, but have learned a fair amount from reading and being interested in these issues. If you have some specific questions or could tell us a little bit about what your knowledge level is right now it'd probably be easier to help you.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
Hi - Welcome.
My wife and I tried several things but ended up getting pregnant via a known donor from within our community. In the process I came across several websites advertising known donors, and various individuals (men and women) interested in child bearing/rearing. I can't speak to the website(s) legitimacy since we went a different route - but I was happily surprised there were more options out there than we originally expected.
My wife and I are foster parents and have adopted through foster care. We are currently fostering 2 little girls (18 months old and 7 weeks old) and are hoping to be able to adopt them someday. It's definitely something worth looking into if you have the heart (and stomach) for it. We are using an agency which has been really nice, the agency provides a nice buffer between us foster parents and the sometimes jaded county social workers.
To get started, I would call your local Children and Family Services/CPS and ask what foster agencies they like to work with.
The process to become licensed can be as short as a couple months but usually runs closer to 6 months. The only costs we've incurred were for fingerprinting, we had to do 2 sets, one for foster and another for adoption.
Please stick around our board, we would love to have you!
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
Welcome Chris.
My best friend is gay and he and his partner are looking to start a family, so I know some information through them. Your options depend partially on what state you are in. Here are the options as I understand them:
Public agency adoption - adoption of children in the foster care system. This is the least costly option - almost all expenses are paid. I have heard that it can be difficult to get an infant, but I know there are women on this board who have fostered infants and hope to adopt them. The women on this board can give you LOTS of information about this if you are interested.
Domestic agency adoption - adoption of an infant through an adoption agency. These adoptions can be open (you and the birth mother meet and agree to ongoing contact) or closed (the identity of the birth mother and adoptive parents is kept secret). Costs average around $25,000, but there is an adoption credit that reimburses around $14,000 of that.
International agency adoption - this option can be difficult for gay couples, especially men, but I think there are some agencies that specialize in it. Many countries have laws disallowing gay couples from adopting. Lesbians who want to adopt internationally often do so by pretending to be single, I'm not sure if the situation is the same for gay men. I've heard the price is slightly above domestic adoption because you must travel internationally to do the adoption.
Traditional surrogacy - the surrogate provides the egg and you or your partner provide the sperm. The surrogate must surrender her rights to the child after birth and the non-biological father can adopt the child if the state's laws allow it. This option can be less expensive, especially if a friend is willing to be a surrogate, but if you hire a surrogate costs are estimated to be $45,000 to $60,000.
Gestational surrogacy - an embryo is created using you or your partners sperm and a donor egg, and the surrogate carries the pregnancy. This is the most expensive option of all, because you must do IVF. Costs can be between $60,000 and $100,000.
Surrogacy laws vary by state, and usually there are legal agreements drawn up ahead of time between the surrogate and the intended parents.
I know you will probably reel with sticker shock at these costs, but I provided them just to give you an idea of what you are getting into. My friends have chosen to adopt from the foster care system, both because they feel it is a wonderful way to help a child who needs loving parents, and because of financial concerns. In the end, even with a volunteer traditional surrogate, it just seemed like so much effort and expense when there are children in need waiting to be adopted, so that is where they landed. However, I also very much understand the surrogacy choice, since I personally want to try and have my own biological children.
I'll ask my friend if he has any books to recommend.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
Hi CHRIS-
Welcome ...
I am in Nevada but originally from CA. I know in both of those states we have the Jewish Family Services whith have helped several people i know with the Adoption process ( you dont have to be Jewish )
Surogacy is a tough one depending on your state - In NV or any state for legallity purpose you want to make sure that the Egg is from a different donor than the Surrogate ( hope that makes sense ) So its tough.
- Hope that helps a bit.
- J
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
Hi Chris, I can offer advice about surrogacy and egg donors for gay intended parents abroad, although I'm not saying it's preferable over adopting or fostering! The gay/single dads I've helped before strongly wanted their own genetic children or weren't able to qualify for adoption. Gay dads can have surrogacy in India legally ( Ukraine clinics/agents may tell you they can offer surrogacy, but they legally CANNOT and you'll face all sorts of dreadful difficulties trying to get the baby home).
There are some great surrogacy agents in the US and you'll find lots of references by googling- read the forums and chat sites. But if the costs are prohibitive for you, going overseas is very viable. India ( I mentioned in another post) has great and not so great clinics, so do your homework. They all offer egg donors with photos to choose from or you can have a caucasian egg donor which costs an extra 10,000 USD on top of the surrogacy price ( medical tests, airfares, meds, her fee plus hotel stay for her and her escort).
Using an Indian egg donor and a surrogate starts at around 27,000 USD ( in full with the baby handed over) at a reputable clinic. You may not succeed the first try, but success rates are highest when you use an egg donor- 50-60%. If your donor has a good response and you have extra good quality embryos to freeze, you can use these for an additional attempt and FET cycles are inexpensive.
The clinic should have other parents for you to communicate with and offer payment in increments- don't pay upfront and don't pay an agency- pay the clinic directly. Importantly check the references yourself, the clinic may have been successful several years ago but what are their current success rates?
If you've got any questions, feel free to ask.