I go in for my 2nd u/s tomorrow (6w5d) and I hate that I'm not excited, because I'm so worried there won't be a heartbeat. IF has me ALWAYS waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I'm totally with you. I wish it was easier to enjoy this... I want to be SO HAPPY, but in reality I'm just SO SCARED. GL - I hope you get fantastic news tomorrow.
TTC with PCOS since November 2009
IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP! beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75 beta #2 11/28 = 2055 Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012! Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
I'm the exact same way. My second beta is tomorrow and I'm so nervous it will be bad news. I have no reason to think this except for the fact that this is the first time thing have actually gone right. It's going to be a looooooong 9 months (God willing).
TTC since Jan 2009. 3 failed IUIs (Clomid + Ovidril)
IVF#1 November. (11/16 ER; 11/21 5dt of 2 1AA embies) Beta #1 12/1: 137 BFP!! Beta #2 12/5: 639
Me too! Though, I think I am a bit of a pessimist anyway. I am also nervous, worried, etc for my first u/s tomorrow-- I am going to be 7w4d. I have had a lot of anxiety and been on pins and needles for each new test and milestone. This is some uncharted, scary territory, and I am always thinking/preparing for the worst.
I totally agree with you guys. I am naturally an anxious person, but add in all of the repeat disappointments of IF and a missed m/c to the mix, and I can't help but be convinced that bad news/disaster is always just around the corner. I hope all of us negative nellies are proven wrong, and that this is the time that things will go right. I wish I wasn't so terrified.
IUIs #4-6 (injects) = 3 BFNs IVF #1 = BFN FET #1 = BFN FET #2 = BFN IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13! ~~ TTC again March 2014 FET #3 -May/June 2014- all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board... IVF #4 - July/August 2014
I'm the exact same way. My second beta is tomorrow and I'm so nervous it will be bad news. I have no reason to think this except for the fact that this is the first time thing have actually gone right. It's going to be a looooooong 9 months (God willing).
THIS! Heading in for my second beta this am and *right* there with you. Good thoughts, good vibes...
38. DH 40. TTC since 2005.
Earlier m/c. DX (finally) 10/10: abnormal acrosome.
ICSI #1 3dt 11/20/11 HPT BFP 11/30 Our beautiful daughters were born July 28, 2012.
SO there with you, ladies. Every odd symptom has me thinking the worst. And I feel like I'm still steeling myself for bad news around every corner. DH is frustrated with me about it. But it is sooo hard to turn that fear/worry off.
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I totally get it. I don't think it's so much that we become pessimists, it's that we are to afraid to be excited. I let myself get excited and ended up having bleeding...now I'm back to total caution. I wish you luck in your u/s and please keep us updated!
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....i know. it's hard. when i went for my 5w5d ultrasound i was crying in the ultrasound room. my RE was like "why im excited! this will be good!". but i was just so scared. (just saw the ges. sacs, yolk sacs and fetal "poles" that day) ....when i went for my 6w5d ultrasound i was kind of nervous but not nearly as much because i was already really freaking sick. and at the 8 weeek ultrasound forget it....i was so sick i could barely move. wasnt nervous at all then. that was the only good thing about being sick....good luck. we all understand.
I completely understand how you feel. It is so hard not to be when IF has plagued you. I was excited and terrified at the same time for every appointment and couldn't really start to feel more reassured until we hit around 24-25 weeks when they say that the baby has a chance of survival if something were to send you into early labor. I am high rick and am at the point where the baby has a really good chance of making it even if I deliver early but I still can't help still being scared at each appointment that something will be wrong...or if I don't feel him moving as much one day t the next I start to worry that something is wrong.
I don't think I will be completely able to just be happy and excited until he is actaully here and healthy!
Re: IF has made me a pessimist!
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
Me too! Though, I think I am a bit of a pessimist anyway. I am also nervous, worried, etc for my first u/s tomorrow-- I am going to be 7w4d. I have had a lot of anxiety and been on pins and needles for each new test and milestone. This is some uncharted, scary territory, and I am always thinking/preparing for the worst.
IVF #1 ET 1 d3 embryo 10/30/11 BFP
3 Embryos frozen (1 d5, 2 d6)
DS born 07/29/12
FET #1 ET 1 d5 embryo 02/10/15 BFN
FET #2 1 d6 embryo didn't survive thaw, transferred last d6. CP
IVF #1 = BFN
FET #1 = BFN
FET #2 = BFN
IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
~~
TTC again March 2014
FET #3 - May/June 2014 - all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board...
IVF #4 - July/August 2014
THIS! Heading in for my second beta this am and *right* there with you. Good thoughts, good vibes...
Earlier m/c. DX (finally) 10/10: abnormal acrosome.
ICSI #1 3dt 11/20/11 HPT BFP 11/30 Our beautiful daughters were born July 28, 2012.
I completely understand... and for me it hasn't gotten better even this far along. I now worry about him moving enough or a stillbirth.
IF is so unfair to us all, that we just can't sit back, relax and enjoy being pg!
Good Luck hun!! ((Hugs))
Me: 36 DH: 40
DH dx azoospermia My dx: RA & AMA
d-IUI's--6/10, 7/13 & 8/4: all BFN
d-IVF#1--Lupron/Menopur/Bravelle/Novarel; mini-dose protocol
ER: 10/25--18R; 14F; ET: 10/28--3dt of 2 embies; 3 blasts frozen
+ HPT 11/4; Beta #1--14dp3dt: 441; Beta #2--21dp3dt: 9298
One beautiful jelly bean growing! Saw h/b on 11/28 and 12/5!!!
P/SAIF welcome
<a href="http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b315/mandalinn/?action=view
TTC #2
I completely understand how you feel. It is so hard not to be when IF has plagued you. I was excited and terrified at the same time for every appointment and couldn't really start to feel more reassured until we hit around 24-25 weeks when they say that the baby has a chance of survival if something were to send you into early labor. I am high rick and am at the point where the baby has a really good chance of making it even if I deliver early but I still can't help still being scared at each appointment that something will be wrong...or if I don't feel him moving as much one day t the next I start to worry that something is wrong.
I don't think I will be completely able to just be happy and excited until he is actaully here and healthy!
Thanks for all of the replies! It's good (and bad) to know that I'm not alone in my craziness...