WWYD? Concerning visitors....

masked_rose86

So it was hard to explain in the subject line, it is more complicated than that.We have 2 friends, a married couple, that want to come visit us in January.  It would be nice to see them, but things about January are SO up in the air I don't really feel comfortable having visitors then....I will be 35 weeks on January 1st, and 38 weeks on January 23rd.  My OB has hinted that around 38 weeks we'd be looking into induction of some kind.  I'm hoping to make it to January; of course there is always the chance with twins to not make it even to 35 weeks.While I'm not yet on bedrest, I could be by then.  Who knows?And I just feel really awkward if I were to go into labor or have some kind of medical crisis while they were here.  I'm a fairly private person, and I absolutely don't want to have anyone besides DH there during delivery.  And I sorta want the very beginning week or so to be with just us.Plus if I have a c-section, I may be in the hospital for 4-5 days.  And the girls may or may not have a NICU stay.The husband of the couple only has January 5th-Feburary 5th-ish off before starting a new job and he won't have vacation time until after that.I'm just not sure what to do.....ug.  I feel like there is no way I can tell them "No you can't visit" but I just feel like January is SO up in the air.  The only way I think I'd consider having them come is if they came in early January, but even that might be an awkward time. Sorry this is so long! 

leslie13510

You CAN tell them not to come visit.  If it offends them that you'd rather not have house guests during what has a great potential to be a pretty crazy time, then they're probably not worth having as friends anyway, IMO.

Maybe you could compromise and have them come for a couple days the first week of February, if he does indeed have off until the 5th?   Of course, with the knowledge that if you have the babies late, or if there are any health concerns, they might have to cancel the trip?

lrrb

Ummm no.  I was having a PERFECT pregnancy until my water broke on its own with no warning at ALL at 33w4d.  I wouldn't have visitors anywhere near my due date if I were you.  Yes, you might get to 38 weeks....and that would be great but theres a good chance you won't either.....

MrsLnt

I was fortunate enough to make it to my scheduled c-section and have take-home babies and no bedrest. But weeks 35-37 for me were not a time I would have wanted to have visitors. I spent the majority of that time beached on the couch or in bed, napping and just trying to make it through each day. The only people I cared to see were DH and my mom and that's mostly because I looked like holy hell 99% of the time. I was a miserable, swollen mess and I was one of the lucky ones to get that far. 

I'd just tell them politely that you just have no idea what state you will be in, as 50% of multiples pregnancies deliver before 35 weeks, and that you are in no position to have visitors.  

EveTyer24

I agree with pp. I would tell them that around that time you'll be close to your due date and you have no idea what will be or how you'll be feeling so as much as you'd like to have them, you're unable to commit. 

I had a similar situation happen when around 22ish weeks, my husband made plans to have a group of our friends over planned for when I was 32 weeks or so. At that point, I was freaking out and told them all straight out that may not be happening. As the time got closer, I actually looked forward to it,but asked if we could go out. It all worked out. So you really never know how you'll feel.   

Hopefully you feel comfortable just being honest with your friends and telling them it might not work out.  

Fancy3Face

I'd tell them its not a great time and explain why.

If it were me, I'd reserve weeks 34-delivery to just relax.  Can they come in the spring or summer?  I just can't imagine entertaining that close to my due date.  It would also bother me if I delivered in that window that they were there for the first weeks of my babies life.  I reserved that time for H and I and our parents to visit. 

Anyway, long story short, I'd say no. 

ETA:  My babies came at 36w and I had a c-section and had 12 and 19 days of nicu time. 

PolarBerry

Are they driving or flying?   I would just explain the situation to them.  I would tell them that there is always the possibility that you may be on bedrest or deliver early.  If you deliver early, then the visit is off.  If you are on bedrest... well, if they are good enough friends that they would be helpful... it might actually be a good thing.  They could help keep you entertained while also possibly helping you keep up with things around the house, etc.  I would also tell them, even if not on bedrest... likely you will be limited in what you can do, and there will be a lot of sitting around and relaxing on the agenda if they do choose to visit.  If they are still okay with planning the visit knowing those things, then I'd let them come.  I think it all depends how close of friends they are.  My close friends could definitely understand and respect the situation.  If it's someone who is not as close and it might stress you out trying to entertain them because they won't understand the condition you are in... then just say no.

LucyRicardo3

ITA with others..

my situation= my girls were born 34w5d after c/s. We camped out in the NICU until they were released at 8 days old.

granted, I had been hospitalized several weeks prior due to preterm labor issues so their early arrival wasn't a shocker. a few of our friends made the trip to visit us in the NICU for only a few minutes or to bring us non-hospital food, but we stayed at a Ronald McDonald house and basically lived at the hospital until their release. My parents were at my house with my older two, but I can't imagine making big plans for what you're asking.

I don't think it's fair for someone to put a guilt trip on you for what would make them happy and at their convenience when this is clearly a very important time for you to just relax and take it easy, regardless if you deliver early or go full term.

Good luck.

 

masked_rose86

PolarBerry:

Are they driving or flying?   

They are flying quite a distance.  What is so hard about this.....we really didn't invite them.  They said "Oh we have time in January, so we thought we'd come visit!"  And when I talked to them today they were wanting to start researching tickets....urg....

They do intend it to be to "help out."  But I just don't know if this really will be helpful for me.....I mean sure if I'm on bedrest it would be nice for someone to be around to help since DH has a busy job, but I just don't know how I'd feel having visitors continuously during that time since obviously I would be a bit of a mess.     

amanda31H

You're the only one who can make this decison.  Like Lesley said, you can say no.

For me it would depend on the friend.  There are about 2 close friends that I have who I would let be around for ANYTHING in my life.  I think it has to be that kind of friend.  And if you do decide to let them come, just make it early January.

I would also make sure they are ok canceling their tickets if it doesn't work out (like if the babies are born and you aren't up for company). 

august8080

If they don't have kids, they might not understand, but that doesn't matter. You need to do what's best for you and your family. I would say something like this: We would LOVE to see y'all but the end of pregnancy with multiples is very unpredictable--I could be birthing babies, home with babies, on bedrest, on bedrest in the hospital, living in the NICU, or many other scenarios. We just don't think it would be wise to have y'all pay for plane tickets when so many things could happen. Once your DH settles into his job, then let's plan something that works for both of us. I'm really sorry but y'all are such great friends and we knew you'd understand.

Don't feel badly about saying no. Once you have kids, you have to do it a lot--with parents, in laws, friends--so this is just good practice

mrsmac08

I wouldn't have them come if I were you.  Even with a perfect multiple pregnancy, I wouldn't want people staying in my house at that point in my pregnancy...I was very uncomfortable and tired by then. Plus, like everyone has said, you don't know what will happen because things can change quickly during that time. 

I would think most people would understand.  Good luck!

emma12210

It sounds like you don't want them there, so I would tell them they can't come, and if they are good friends, they should understand. Tell them the average twins come at 35 weeks, so there's a good chance you will have your babies around then.

We are due at the same time, and I can tell you, if my doc hasn't put me on bedrest by  then, I will probably put myself on bedrest! I'm already really uncomfortable and have a lot of contractions. I think this is 1 time in your life that you should think about yourself, and not worry about your friends. BUT, if they are already looking at tickets, you should tell them now before it goes any further! GL!

Haven1

No.  No, no no. You absolutely can and should say no.  Being able to set boundaries NOW will be an essential skill as you become a mother. Those babies and your comfort are priorty number one.

Jen0204

I'm due the same time as you, and my c-section is already scheduled for 1/18 (they're both breech). Right now I'm already tired a lot and pretty uncomfortable doing things like walking around or even getting up from the couch. I know myself, and of I had houseguests who flew in I would feel the need to try to entertain them and do stuff with them, and that is a time when we should be resting and doing what we can to keep the babies in as long as possible. Even if they truly did come and help, I'd feel bad that they flew out just to wait on me. And since I've been put on bed rest I've had friends come over to keep me company, and a couple of people came over with their toddlers and made a disaster out of our place. I'm now very picky about who comes over, and there is no way I'd let anyone come over for more then a few hours anytime in January (or even now). I would just tell them that you're really bummed about how the timing of their vacation time is, but that there's just no way you could have guests at that point.  

festivus

Like a PP, I was having a pretty complication free pregnancy (aside from some concerns very early on...). At 35w, NST and U/S were great, with no signs of labor. At 35w1d, my water broke and I had my boys via csection.You just never know when your babies will arrive. In addition, in the weeks before, I was so tired and uncomfortable, I would never have wanted visitors. Once the babies were home, we took a couple weeks as a little family before having visitors other than immediate family.Be honest with them and hopefully you can work something out for another time.