I want to leave...

Smtih&co

I think I need to leave my DH.  We have a 2y/o DD and I?m six months pregnant now.  It?s not that he?s cheated or been physically abusive, but I have realized that we have very different goals in life.  I want to be a family and make that my focus.  He is more interested in hanging out with his friends, spending money we don?t have on his hobbies, and not doing his part in keeping up our home and lawn.  He makes no effort to spend time with me or DD, but will drop everything and go to his buddy?s house for hours on end.  We have talked and fought over these same issues for months. 

He obviously sees no problem because I take care of the house, our kid, getting bills paid, etc., while he gets to do what he wants to do.  I don?t see it changing, and, while he has not outright refused, he has said he doesn?t think counseling would help and doesn?t want to do it. 

I feel sure he loves our DD, but I don?t think he wants to be a husband and father.  Just providing financially is not enough.  I need emotional support.  I feel like I would rather go through divorce, single parent all on my own, and stop getting my feelings hurt when he doesn?t make our family his priority repeatedly. Is this worth leaving him, when I know I have very little hope of it ever getting better?

peeps61308

I could have written your post word for word. Although XH and I had some hot verbal altercations, the majority of the problems we had stemmed from his refusal to stop drinking and to grow up. He spent money like it was water, had no clue what bills we had, how much they were, etc. He was ZERO help with DD, and was just an all around a**hole. I hated being in our house with him and my friends and family hated coming to our house because of how he was.

As time went on his drinking and general attitude got worse and worse. I told him in October that he had to the end of the year to start making changes or DD and I would be gone. I offered to do ANYTHING I could to help make the relationship better. He did nothing so I left.

I must say I am 1000% happier than I ever was with him. It has taken almost 3 years to happen, but we actually communicate like we used to when we were just dating. It is a hard road, but totally worth it.

Good luck!

LoveyFNR

This was me to a T. H always put his friends first and I tried many many times to talk to him about it. He rarely fed R, never bathed him, never changed his diaper, never put him to bed and never ever wanted to spend time as a family. No matter how much I fought, whined, begged with him over it nothing ever changed. He couldn't even hold a stable job so financially supporting his family.....he wasn't doing that either. Then the abuse began, he would become drunk and it started with pushing, then choking, then blatant beating with punches, kicks and full blown choking saying he would kill me. A lot of it happened when I was pregnant with baby 2. Although I didn't "leave him". I did call the police and make a statement and he is now in jail awaiting sentencing for two felony counts. Even without the abuse I was already wanting to leave him. I was honestly too much of a coward to just up and walk away but him being gone helps a lot.

If you are feeling the same way I was and H has made no attempts at making things right even with you trying to talk to him. Then yes, I would leave if I were in your shoes. Life is too short to be unhappy. And 100% honest.....now that H is gone. I haven't been happier in years! Just me and my little boy and another on the way. Do whatever you think you have to do to be happy. It doesn't sound like your H really wants to be a husband or a father. I know mine wasn't.

DHYGchica3

I wish I had the answers for you. This is my H as well. His priorities are all skewed. I just asked myself, do I want to continue this way unhappy forever or do I want to see what else is out there for myself with out his dead weight to hold me back. I guess you have to ask yourself the same.

wheelsonthebus

DHYGchica3:

I wish I had the answers for you. This is my H as well. His priorities are all skewed. I just asked myself, do I want to continue this way unhappy forever or do I want to see what else is out there for myself with out his dead weight to hold me back. I guess you have to ask yourself the same.

I just lurk on this board, but I wanted to say I have had almost the exact same problem with my H as well. I decided to grin and bear it because I'm pregnant, but I often wonder if that's the right thing. It does feel good to know I'm not alone.

wheelsonthebus

DHYGchica3:

I wish I had the answers for you. This is my H as well. His priorities are all skewed. I just asked myself, do I want to continue this way unhappy forever or do I want to see what else is out there for myself with out his dead weight to hold me back. I guess you have to ask yourself the same.

I just lurk on this board, but I wanted to say I have had almost the exact same problem with my H as well. I decided to grin and bear it because I'm pregnant, but I often wonder if that's the right thing. It does feel good to know I'm not alone.