Assumptions

2moms2twins

OK ... so we have a few friends who are same sex couples that have young children.  One couple has B/G Twins and one of the moms has made several comments about her son being a Ladies man ... yes, its funny and all  but then I noticed other Moms saying things similar about their kids. Then the thing that happend most recently; Melanie and I were discussing with some friends a Lesbian couple who are TTC and we were telling them that Lilka is anti boob abd refuses to breast feed and screams her head off if Melanie comes at her with a boob  ( its funny now but it was hard on Melanie) one of the gals comments was OH WELL SHE ISNT GOING TO BE A LESBIAN ...

so i guess what i am wondering is do any of you think about that in regards to your children ... Because I can care less who my girls fall in love with Man or Woman ...  and I dont assume they will be straight or gay - and I dont have a preference other than I just want them to have happy lives.  Am I an odd man out.  I know Melanie has said once that she hoped one of our girls was gay  but that was the solution to a OH *** WE HAVE GIRLS and they can get PREGNANT discussion ...  she does not have an assumption nor do I ....but I will say that I do think that Sloan might have the tendency to be a tomboy and it probably only because she  sometimes looks like a lil' boy and everyone thinks shes a boy and we swore when she was in utero that she was a boy.... OH BOY am I A HORRIBLE PARENT ???   and as i type this i say to myself REALLY J ... she is only 4 months old what the heck !!!!!

- J

ashnamanda

I love this post because I think about it often, and question my role as a parent how to go about certain situations with my children.

First let me first say I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship that Amanda and I have raised together for the past 3.5-4 years. Logan (5) fits her name, complete tomboy. Savannah (4) is as girly as they come.

Logan is completely anti anything girly no play makeup, nail polish, hair bows, barbies ect...none of it! She loves watching football games with her dad and Amanda and is one of the best on her kindergarten soccer league. Her Christmas list included Hot Wheels race tracks and a dirt bike. She went through a time when she would only wear boy underwear and I let her, She has all boy pj's (boy characters ect) and I let her and on game days she has jerseys to wear. I think we (as parents) should be free to let our children grow and be who they are. However I have drawn the line at actual boy clothes & wearing them to school. I don?t however buy her girly clothes I stick to plain jeans and t-shirts and for now this is fine with her.

Now Savannah ohhh where do I start with this one. She is a class-A diva! She has a large storage tote full of dresses, purses, tiaras ect and would gladly wear them daily to daycare if I let her. She loves anything that sparkles, shines or is completely gaudy flashy! It?s a daily struggle in the mornings explaining to her why she can?t wear 10 bows in her hair, lipstick and makeup to daycare. She is the only 4 year old I've met who will sit completely still at a salon to have her nails done and hair straightened and NEVER smudges wet polish (I?m a hair stylist she is often in the salon).

So with each girl being so unique I have picked up on the "obvious" under tones....Logan?s personality "oh I bet she is a lesbian" and Savannah must be straight. BUT let me tell you what I have observed. Logan has a secret crush on Justin Beiber and Kendall on Big Time Rush and blushes if you ask her about it. Savannah called me to the tv one day to tell me to "look at this hot chick" on a Scooby Doo movie. At the Zoo last summer we had to stop walking because Savannah stopped dead in her tracks to break her neck looking at a tall blonde in a bikini top (we literally were screaming her name to get her attention) and she never heard us. She says all the time she is is going to marry Cinderella....

So I guess what I am getting at is, I think we all wonder about our children and notice things. But as parents I think it is just our job to watch and listen and let them figure out their path.

Wondering certainly does not make you any less of a parent. I personally wouldn?t make the comments your friends have within earshot of my kids. As far as I am concerned I?m not raising my children in a way that makes them choose gay or straight because I don?t care. I just want them to be themselves, and do what feels natural.

Sorry for the rant!

 

2brides

Like PP, we have children of the same sex who are diametrically opposed. As I have posted on here before, one child chooses Littlest Pet Shop band-aids, regularly chooses the "girl" toy in his Happy Meal, favors pink and purple, and last week saw Paula Deen's house on tv and said it was "fabulous." LOL. L and I chuckle to ourselves and say (in private only) that we wouldn't be surprised... BUT we are clear to tell the kids that when they are older and are ready to date (since the topics of boyfriends/girlfriends have already come up in kindergarten) they can date who ever they choose. We would never try to persuade the kids' sexual orientation based on what we hope for them...because as we all know, that will never work.

ctbride08

2brides:

L and I chuckle to ourselves and say (in private only) that we wouldn't be surprised... BUT we are clear to tell the kids that when they are older and are ready to date (since the topics of boyfriends/girlfriends have already come up in kindergarten) they can date who ever they choose. We would never try to persuade the kids' sexual orientation based on what we hope for them...because as we all know, that will never work.

ditto.

its really way too soon to tell and experimenting with gender roles is a perfectly normal part of childhood...but that doesn't mean DW and i dont give each other a smirk at certain things.  they will be who they will be and as long as they are good and happy people, we will be grateful.

buggerfly12

I don't normally post here, but I couldn't pass this up... The "Oh *** we have a boy" conversation comes up in our household. I joke that I hope he's gay because I don't want the same surprise MIL got from an 18-year-old son: "Hey, mom, I need a ride to the hospital... My ex-gf just had my baby."  My mom actually told me once not to joke, because it will encourage him to be gay. Yeah, mom, that's how it works. FTR I don't care one way or the other who he falls in love with, not that I have a say in the matter. But I think most parents wonder what their kids will be like in the future... How tall they will be, what job they'll have, what trends they'll be following in high school... IMO, sexual orientation is just another interesting thing to ponder, even if it doesn't matter.

leapgirl8

I feel guilty for occasionally hoping that none of our kids are gay, b/c I don't want people to think that we made them that way. Obviously, only a stupid person would think that, but there are a lot of stupid people in the world. But I know it doesn't matter what I hope, because they will be what they will be, and I'll love them just the same.

hlke

You know, I think if there is any propensity for our children to "turn out gay", it's because they've been raised in an environment where they feel okay expressing that part of themselves.  C has two people she knew from her old church who are basically in a sham straight relationship for appearances.  Both their parents think they have straight kids, heck the people themselves seem to think they are straight as long as they don't act on their feelings (although a passion for musical theater has been deemed okay).

 But Jay, I think it is really easy to slip into cultural assumptions about what certain behavior means in certain kids, but I think it's funny that behavior doesn't always match what we assume.  Also, it surprises me when I myself assume someone is gay or straight because they present as stereotypically gay or straight, because I should know better!  Everyone assumes I am straight and it upsets me a little bit, and I don't want to do that to other people, and certainly not to kids who are too young for anything to mean anything anyway.

TryingToGrow

leapgirl8:

I feel guilty for occasionally hoping that none of our kids are gay, b/c I don't want people to think that we made them that way. Obviously, only a stupid person would think that, but there are a lot of stupid people in the world. But I know it doesn't matter what I hope, because they will be what they will be, and I'll love them just the same.

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! I just yelled that out when I read this LOL

I agree with this 100%  

tdmklm

hlke:

I think it is really easy to slip into cultural assumptions about what certain behavior means in certain kids, but I think it's funny that behavior doesn't always match what we assume. 

This. I played with Barbies, and look how I turned out! In fact, when I came out (at the ripe age of 13), my father said, and I quote: "But you wear skirts! And lipstick!" Uhhhh... Yeah.  

Kershnic

tdmklm:

hlke:

I think it is really easy to slip into cultural assumptions about what certain behavior means in certain kids, but I think it's funny that behavior doesn't always match what we assume. 

This. I played with Barbies, and look how I turned out! In fact, when I came out (at the ripe age of 13), my father said, and I quote: "But you wear skirts! And lipstick!" Uhhhh... Yeah.  

Yep, I was going to comment similarly.  I'm sure there are some of us on this board who had childhoods that pointed clearly in the direction of being LGBT.... but I think there's probably just as many or more of us for whom there was nothing much significant in our childhoods to point this way.  Maybe this can be a discussion topic next week, hehe. 

I think it's sometimes amusing to speculate regarding children (like what 2brides or CT mentioned regarding their sons, or joking about your friend's child marrying your child), but I get annoyed when people seriously think common generic childhood behaviors point towards adult sexuality. 

JLRHNR

I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading all of these stories!

2moms2twins

hlke:

You know, I think if there is any propensity for our children to "turn out gay", it's because they've been raised in an environment where they feel okay expressing that part of themselves.  C has two people she knew from her old church who are basically in a sham straight relationship for appearances.  Both their parents think they have straight kids, heck the people themselves seem to think they are straight as long as they don't act on their feelings (although a passion for musical theater has been deemed okay).

 But Jay, I think it is really easy to slip into cultural assumptions about what certain behavior means in certain kids, but I think it's funny that behavior doesn't always match what we assume.  Also, it surprises me when I myself assume someone is gay or straight because they present as stereotypically gay or straight, because I should know better!  Everyone assumes I am straight and it upsets me a little bit, and I don't want to do that to other people, and certainly not to kids who are too young for anything to mean anything anyway.

 Apparently I have GAY HOMO Tattooed on my forehead... I get the oh your a *** nod by fellow gay people and apparently I smell gay... I "look " very gay  i dunno .. but Melanie who is very femme gets annoyed too that people dont know she is gay so when she says anything about our daughters or our kids people assume she has a husband ...  so she has this issue  where she is annoyed that people dont know she is gay.