CIO not until 9 Months??

gbaby26

We have not started any sleep training with our LO yet. We have tested the CIO for like a minute here and there but it only escalates so we stop. At my LO 6 month check up the other day the one pedi who I am not thrilled with said to not start CIO until 9 months. I think that is a little crazy, but I dont know I am not a doctor. I feel like she is ready for it. I noticed the last week or so she fusses so much when I walk her, shush her, rock her ect. She is also getting big so she isnt exactly fitting comfortably on me as well.

For those of you that have started the CIO, Ferber, ect when did you know OK THIS IS THE TIME TO START???

kerrbear72

You know your kid better than anyone else - all else is just guidelines. If you think she's ready, she is.

kelly321

For us it was when she was screaming for 20+ min while we were walking her around rocking her to try to get her to sleep. She would fall asleep in our arms, we would put her down, and her eyes would pop open so we'd have to pick her up and start round two. Evenings were really tense and frustrating at our house and we started to fight about little things because we were both so stressed with the bedtime situation. Plus when she woke up at night we were starting to have to pick her up and rock her. That was when I decided it was time (DH was ready when she was about 2 weeks old), so I bought Ferber, read it, started it at nighttime, and within 2 nights she was falling asleep in bed on her own.

So for us, it was when the situation as it was was untenable. We absolutely had to do something because it was putting so much unnecessary strain on our marriage.

I tried starting naps shortly after the nights, but that didn't work at all. I finally started trying naps again last week (a month or so after our first attempt), and it's working like a dream. I usually have to do 1 check-in to calm her down and then she's out for the count.

 

Lisa Frank

I agree with Kerr. I don't like it how everything is so age based. Every kid is different and I don't think putting an age on it is all that effective.  If you think she's ready, she probably is. Follow your mommy instinct

pinkflipflops44

when she would be able to calm down from tears as opposed to flipping the eff out..

Carebear517

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

darmca

Carebear517:

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

That's some determination- there's no way I could handle 3 hours of cakerying. But I am way to lazy to sleep train, I just take him to bed with me, latch him on and sleep until morning- bad habit I know but so easy.

tokenhoser

Like most of the stories, I honestly think with sleep training it usually has more to do with when the parents are ready than when the baby is. If the baby isn't ready, it won't work, but I would say that's much more likely <6 months.

We did the bedtime training a smidge before 6 months because I couldn't take what we were doing anymore; within 4 nights it was a non-issue. It's also fine with naps now. He still wakes up a lot at night, but I haven't hit the point where the cost of sleep training is worth it - I don't want to lose the sleep to try to get more sleep. So like darmca, I'm still bedsharing part of the night.

If you feel like it's time, read up on a couple options, pick one, and give it a time limit to work (a week, tops). If you're hesitant, I'd also do a sleep log so you can see if you're making progress.

kacelle

Carebear517:

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

Ferber's method is based on sleep research and actual science, and is intended to prevent attachment issues from infants being left alone to cry.  This is just cruel.   

darmca

kacelle:

Carebear517:

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

Ferber's method is based on sleep research and actual science, and is intended to prevent attachment issues from infants being left alone to cry.  This is just cruel.   

 

andigurl

Carebear - three hours of crying?!  And you jsut left your poor baby in it's crib by itself? I can't fathom what reasonable preson would find that acceptable.  We sleep trained (not CIO, we used the pick up/put down method suggested by our pedi) at two months, so I am in no way anti-sleep training.  But THREE hours you let your baby cry?!  That makes my heart hurt.

Lisa Frank

I wouldn't say Ferber's method is intended to prevent attachment issues. But then again, I don't really believe that a crying baby = therapy down the road. That's saved for the publicly breastfed 5 year old.

There is graduated/modified extinction and there is extinction. If you've read Weissbluth (and Ferber too), you know what I'm talking about.

However, 3 hours is..... I'm going to wait for clarification before I tear a new.....

kewltif

andigurl:

Carebear - three hours of crying?!  And you jsut left your poor baby in it's crib by itself? I can't fathom what reasonable preson would find that acceptable.  We sleep trained (not CIO, we used the pick up/put down method suggested by our pedi) at two months, so I am in no way anti-sleep training.  But THREE hours you let your baby cry?!  That makes my heart hurt.

Andigurl- It's interesting that you are getting so worked up about this considering you started sleep training a full TWO MONTHS before the MINIMUM recommendation set by most sleep experts.

With that said, 3 hours without check ins does seem excessive. When I did Ferber I followed the intervals and would do what I needed to do to get LO's heart rate down and stop the crying. I usually picked her up, even though that's not advised, because I felt like it at least could calm her. I sort of felt like I was hitting the reset button every time I went in. I think if you just let them cry with no check ins it can just cause the crying to escalate.

kewltif

Also, I think it's easy to criticize someone, but I do not know what it is like to have a child wake every 45 minutes to an hour all night long. I think I would seriously start to lose my mind and turn to options I had previously dismissed. I started sleeping training when DD was waking up to ten times a night for her binky. At least with that she would immediately fall back asleep. I was getting nutty though.

I just think it's better to let your LO cry for a few nights and then be a well rested happy bee during the day than to suffer for months and months. I am a MUCH more interactive and happy mom when I have slept myself.

Carebear517

I just came back to this thread and wanted to clarify so you all don't think I'm torturing my baby over here. The first night we still did the check ins at the specified times. After the first few nights we noticed the check ins work him up more so we went to more of an extinction method, a la Weissbluth. And he never cried for 3 hours after the first night. And also, fwiw, the first night it wasn't 3 solid hours of hard crying, he would alternate between crying and fussing and the occasional bout of silence. Since about the 3rd night he has not cried more than an hour. These days there is usually about 15 minutes of fussing and then he is out until 2 am. 

JNBrickey

kacelle:

Carebear517:

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

Ferber's method is based on sleep research and actual science, and is intended to prevent attachment issues from infants being left alone to cry.  This is just cruel.   

Yes, it is.  Letting your child cry for three hours is neglect, IMO.  Ridiculous.

Lisa Frank

JNBrickey:

kacelle:

Carebear517:

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

Ferber's method is based on sleep research and actual science, and is intended to prevent attachment issues from infants being left alone to cry.  This is just cruel.   

Yes, it is.  Letting your child cry for three hours is neglect, IMO.  Ridiculous.

And you didn't even read her follow up right above this.

Some of ya'll are so quick to jump to conclusions...I'm glad I saved my words for her to come in here and clarify.

Carebear, I think what you did was the right thing for your baby.  Weissbluth is a smart man, and for some babies, modified extinction simply does not work. Glad to hear you are down to only 15 min of fussing! Something worked there, didn't it? 

JNBrickey

Lisa Frank:

JNBrickey:

kacelle:

Carebear517:

Our situation was pretty rough, baby was waking up every hour. At first it was because of teething but after about 2 weeks I started to feel it was more out of habit because he would fall asleep as soon as we would pick him up.Most times he'd go back down easily but would be up 45min-1 hour later. This lasted about a month and was causing a lot of tension in our home because me and DH were both so sleep deprived and getting in fights with each other. We were really at a breaking point. And since I felt that LO had just gotten in the habit of wanting us to rock him to sleep rather than he really needed something when he was waking we decided to CIO. 

We started with Ferber but noticed the checkins seemed to work him up more so one of us will usually go in after 10 minutes just to make sure he's not stuck in the slats or something and after that we leave him alone. The first night he cried 3 hours. The second night it was 1 hour, third night 1h 45min. Then it was Thanksgiving and we traveled so things got messed up and we just started again on Monday. He only cried 15 minutes. Ideally we would have waited until after travelling to start but we really couldn't take even one more week of hourly wakings. That's how I knew we were ready.  

Ferber's method is based on sleep research and actual science, and is intended to prevent attachment issues from infants being left alone to cry.  This is just cruel.   

Yes, it is.  Letting your child cry for three hours is neglect, IMO.  Ridiculous.

And you didn't even read her follow up right above this.

Some of ya'll are so quick to jump to conclusions...I'm glad I saved my words for her to come in here and clarify.

Carebear, I think what you did was the right thing for your baby.  Weissbluth is a smart man, and for some babies, modified extinction simply does not work. Glad to hear you are down to only 15 min of fussing! Something worked there, didn't it? 

She hadn't posted her follow-up before I started posting, I didn't see it.

If she had let her child cry for three hours straight, I'd still think it was neglectful and cruel.

ETA:  I scrolled all the way down the post and didn't see her clarification, even though it was there, apparently.  Oh well.  I think her original post would have gone over much better had she said she didn't let him wail for three solid hours.

Carebear517

Thanks Lisa I read HSHHC first and the extinction method just seemed so awful so then I read Ferber and thought the intervals would make it easier for me to endure the crying. Instead they would just get him all worked up and if he had been just fussing when I went in to check him he would break into full on crying.

CIO, and especially extinction, was one of those things I thought I would never do but it really was the best for us. Still if he's fussing/crying after 20 minutes I'll go check on him just for my own peace of mind but it's rare these days that he makes it that long.