Late Term and Child Loss


I know I have had some low days.  I have had some decent days.  But the truth is I dont feel like I have hit my lowest point yet.  Its been just almost 3 weeks since we have found out he didnt have a hb and day after going ot the hospital to have our baby at 19 weeks. 

The reason why I am writing this is there anyone else out there that didnt hit their lowest point for a while after finding out the baby didnt have a hb or stop growing or something.  I know its coming one day but why can't it come sooner than later.  I dont know many people who are asking to be sad all the time. But I feel like I am in this limbo position.  I need to hit my lowest to start to heal.  How can I heal until I hit my rock bottom?  Someone say they are in the same position.

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Re: Grieving

  • I feel like I am in my lowest point now (4 months later).  I was like you and sort of "coasted" for the first three months.  Not to say that I didn't have bad days, but now I feel down all the time and am truly mourning the loss of my baby girl.  Before I was sort of content that she was in a better place, but now I am just so sad for ME and my family.  I am sad about everything that there won't be, and the person that I will never get to know.  I don't know if this helps you at all, but I do understand your feeling.  (((HUGS))) I am so sorry you are feeling like this and I hope you can start healing soon.
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  • I'm sorry that your son died. It is a horrible painful event that is so difficult to imagine let alone experience.  Don't be too hard on yourself as you move through the grieving process.  I view the grieving process as more of a roller coaster ride - some days are better, some worse, some in limbo. {{hugs}}  It has helped me to just try to focus on the next minute, the next hour, the next minute. You will get through it.  Somehow, we all will. 
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  • My low point came about 2 months after I delivered. It was horrific (for me and for DH) and the memories of it still bother both of us.  I felt that my grief before that point was different than my grief after that point, and I didn't know I'd hit a low point, so I kept trying to heal once I was ready and none of that gried work was negated by hitting my low point during all of this. I hope that made sense. Be gentle with yourself Krissy. (((hugs)))

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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I think it's different for everyone, but I do think it happens "later" rather than right away.  For my DH it was a month or so after.  He hit a really low point and even mixed several anti depression meds with alcohol and cough medicine.  He wasn't trying to commit suicide or anything, he was legitimately depressed at that point and sick with a cold, but he just wanted to feel something other than his pain, if that makes sense.  I had a rollercoaster of emotions (ups and downs) for a very long time.  But I don't think I hit my "lowest" until 4 - 6 months after.  I was so set on trying to stay positive and do things in honor of Logan as a distraction.  Then one day, I had to just stop because it was taking too much of a toll on me mentally and emotionally.  I will start back up again, but only after I get to a certain point in my healing.

    *hugs*  Take it one day at a time and don't judge yourself on how or when you grieve.  Everyone grieves and heals differently.

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  • For the first few weeks/months you are in this fog. I think once you start to come out of the fog, that's when the lowest point is hit. Of course that's different for everyone. My lowest point was the night we decided to take him off the machines.
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  • I can only hope that my lowest point has passed; I was pretty miserable in the beginning. But at the same time I felt focused on getting things "taken care of" i.e. having our son cremated, getting the death cert., etc. and I wonder if once the dust has settled I won't be worse off. In fact, I'm terrified of it. I've been clinically depressed before and took meds for years. It's a place I don't want to revisit.
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