Guilt over having #2 right away?

marybeth1699

We are hoping to join the 2u2 as neither of us is getting any younger and we think we want three kids. I have a small case of baby fever but am also really nervous about 2u2. More than nervousness though I almost feel guilty or sad or something that having them so close in age will take away my one on one time with our first. It is almost like I am sad because it won't just be the two of us together all day (I am a SAHM). Anyone else feel this way and if so, when did you get over it?

NavyPilotWife

I felt really guilty about cheating DD1 out of one-on-one time, when I found I was expecting #2.  The guilt lasted at least through my first trimester and then I started to get excited about having two close together.  DD1 is very independent, so we had a smooth transition to 2u2.  The baby doesn't take as long of an afternoon nap as DD1, so she gets some alone time in the afternoon.  DD2 gets her time in the evening, since the baby goes to bed at 7. 

StefB28

DS1 was very planned (fertility treatments) & DS2 was not (complete surprise) and I REALLY struggled with this my entire pregnancy. The feeling didn't go away until DS2 was born... the second night in the hospital I looked at him and wondered how I'd ever doubted how I'd feel about my second baby-- I fell completely in love with him, just as I did my first.

As terrified as I was, I am now SO glad that they are so close together-- while any age gap has it's challenges, I really feel like having #2 before #1 is old enough to know what's really going on has made our transition easy. DS2 is sleeping so much, that I'm still able to give DS1 LOTS of attention. In fact, since DH is home on paternity leave, he's probably getting MORE attention.

I had a really hard time imagining how I would handle 2u2-- the good news is, it's awesome. If you need some validation that what you're feeling is totally normal checkout this post I wrote on my blog back in Aug-- I got some really great supportive comments!

holly321

I have been having a hard time with it.  Monday, we decided we were going to stop ttc for a bit, since I was feeling guilty.  Tuesday, I got a BFP.  So far I am happy.  I know I want at least 2 children, and I know I want them close together.  I think if we waited longer, I would probably feel more guilt.

Mr.&MrsS

I never really felt guilty about it when I was pregnant. I knew I was giving DS1 a playmate and friend. And seeing them now just confirms that. They love being together. And I wouldnt change my decision for the world.

But there are times more recently that I feel a little guilty because I see how much I "baby" my younger one and I never did that with DS1 because he always seemed so much more of a big boy than the baby. He never really got that chance to be babied. So I do feel guilty about that and try to remind myself that while he is older than DS2, he is still a little boy himself and deserves his turn to be "babied."  

Ababy19

I have a 7 month old and am now 4 months pregnant with no. 2.  When I first found out I was pregnant I did have this feeling of sadness for my DS, like it wasn't fair to him.  But that only lasted a couple of days, I then realized how fun and exciting his childhood gets to be with such a close aged sibling.  They are going to be BEST friends.  My husband is a twin and we always joked that we would have twins.... in a way we kinda got what we wanted!  

Chitown chic

I am absolutely struggling with this right now! It took us 14 months to concieve #1, and she ended up coming three months early. She's doing well, but still needs some extra TLC, and at this point acts more like a 4-month-old than a 7-month-old. I just found out I'm pregnant again -- and further along than I thought -- almost 10 weeks! I feel guilty for depriving LO of more alone time with us, and I'm also incredibly nervous about possibly being put on bed rest or delivering early again due to pre-e/IUGR. DD#1 spent almost 4 months in the NICU, and I'm just not sure DH and I can handle something like that again with another baby.

I do look forward to when they're a little older -- because I do think they will be best friends! I hope I start to get more excited about #2 soon! I know I'll love him/her just as much as the first!

nattn

I'm feeling somewhat guilty, but I just have to remind myself how DD #1 is getting a sibling that she can be really close to.

asirois16

I've also been experiencing a lot of guilt over getting pregnant so quickly.  Thank you to all the moms who posted and gave their encouragement.  It is so nice to hear that this can be done and it might even be a good thing that my kids will be so close together. 

Stefanie, Thank you for sharing the link to your blog.  I was crying when I read it because it hit so close to home.  I think I am going to print out the quote that you shared and remind myself that I need to start living the life that is being given to me.   

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biblionerd

I've had a lot of guilt, but it's getting better. I keep reminding myself that feeling guilty because of ds not having his alone time means that you would ALWAYS be shortchanging child #2, 3, etc., which isn't true. DS won't remember having us all to himself and will just always know that he had a little sister so close in age to play with. I think having 2 so close is wonderful. That's what we thought when being crazy enough to try for 2u1, so I keep trying to remind myself! 

marielovestimothy03

Nope. I haven't had any guilt at all. My kids are all going to grow up only knowing they have siblings and I love that! DH and I grew up the same way having siblings close in age. My oldest still got plenty of one on one time before #2 came along and they still get plenty of one on one time and now they LOVE playing together. It'll be a bit of a shuffle when #3 arrives but it's all about finding a good balance

MamatoJackson

Totally normal.  And I felt that way for a few months.  Now they play together and it's awesome.  Wouldn't change a thing.

FusionLMT

See I don't understand this mentality, because you will never get "alone" time with children after the first, so why is that first one needing all that extra time? I am super excited to have ours close together and although it will be hard in the beginning I know it will be worth it further along. We want 4 kids and I want less than a 2 year spacing between each one. I want to get all my pregnancies over with and get on with life, and raise a sibling set that has similar interests at the same time.

SirSleepsALot

I felt exactly this way.  #2 was wanted but timing wasn't planned so I honestly felt this way until I SAW him - once he was born it was all ok.  You'll be ok!  The best part is DS1 LOVES his little brother and DS2 LOVES his big brother.  I'm so glad they are close together now that we're here and everybody is doing great.  Even though it's hard work some days! 

delg23

holly321:

I have been having a hard time with it.  Monday, we decided we were going to stop ttc for a bit, since I was feeling guilty.  Tuesday, I got a BFP.  So far I am happy.  I know I want at least 2 children, and I know I want them close together.  I think if we waited longer, I would probably feel more guilt.

This is exactly what happened to me. Decided to ttc and then changed my mind but was already pregnant! I'm coming to terms w/ it. Good thing I guess since I only have about 4 more weeks.