Anyone else just not celebrating this year at all?

mdluv21

I feel like such a Grinch but I have no desire to celebrate this year.  With DH not working and the first holidays after the babies died, (last year I was all pregnant and goofy happy because I had gone two whole weeks without bleeding) and I just don't want to celebrate.  It feels wrong.  I should have two 6 months olds to celebrate with and without them, I see little point.

My family totally understands and is not pressuring me to attend any events.  DH's family is not so understanding so we will do X-Mas dinner/gifts at MIL.  Other than that, I don't want to put up decorations, go to holiday parties, shop, bake...nothing. DH is trying to be understanding but I can tell he is worried that I am so anti everything related to the holidays. I am being such a bitter betty aren't I?  I am not sure what the normal amount of anti-social this time of year is acceptable and what is amount is, "You should go get a happy pill from a doctor."

 

Nesting.Away

You need to do what is right for you. If I have learned anything through all of this, it is when sh!t happens, you have to take care of yourself. If that means pissing off someone else, well so be it. They need to get over it and deal. Thinking of you!! (hugs))

orange1414

((hugs)) I think it's perfectly understandable that you're not feeling festive this year. I'm going through the motions, but my heart's not really in it. In fact, the only reason I'm putting up decorations is so that we can take pictures of us doing it for our adoption profile book!

abvernon

Nesting.Away:

You need to do what is right for you. If I have learned anything through all of this, it is when sh!t happens, you have to take care of yourself. If that means pissing off someone else, well so be it. They need to get over it and deal. Thinking of you!! (hugs))

Exactly. So what if you don't celebrate the holidays?!? ((hugs))

reb259

I agree... people don't realize how long the grieving process can be and how it can affect you, sometimes when you think you are "ok" and it will resurface.

Big hugs, I am sorry for your loss.

jessican08

Don't feel guilty about not wanting to celebrate, you need to protect yourself and do what feels right to you. ((HUGS))

illinigal

Nesting.Away:

You need to do what is right for you. If I have learned anything through all of this, it is when sh!t happens, you have to take care of yourself. If that means pissing off someone else, well so be it. They need to get over it and deal. Thinking of you!! (hugs))

Hugs. I agree with Nesting.  You need to do what is right for you no matter what anyone else says.  I decorated the house, but still feel like the mantle is naked with only dh's and my stocking.... I'm debating getting stockings for the boys, but don't know if I will.  I enjoy visiting family this time of year... other than you ladies, I feel they are the only ones who understand what we're going through.  And as for cookies, I'm a cookie monster and chocoholic, so I don't need any excuse there.

jlcrane78

My family lives out of town, and we have no money to buy gifts. I definitely feel like we are not "celebrating" this year. I keep thinking about how I was planning to announce my pregnancy around this time, and the whole rest of the year just seems pointless. I hope next year I will feel like celebrating again, but this year can suck it.

cookie_queen

This year is much harder for me with the holidays then last year. I think I was still in shock this time last year. This year I should have two nine month olds. It just feels like something is missing, like there's a huge hole.

I also have a new job that doesn't give any time around the holidays so this will be the firs year we don't go home. It just seems weird. My mom is coming out so we're trying to create new traditions but it all seems so forced.

I'm forcing the cheer and decorating, baking, parties, etc. and hoping my atitude follows.

I don't have any advice. I just get how you're feeling and think you should do whatever you want to.

Jackie2200

I feel like a grinch too.  I"m not really in the mood to celebrate either.  I should have my babies here too and they're not so it makes me sad. 

DH talked me into putting up the tree so I agreed to do that and I hung mini-stockings for the babies last year when I was pregnant so I'll hang thos on my stocking's hook this year. 

I did purchase a special ornamet to put on the tree for my boys.  It makes me feel better that they will have a place at the holidays.  It's here if youy want an idea: https://www.thecomfortcompany.net/Those-we-have-held-in-our-arms-Memorial-Ornament.aspx

I am usually BIG into sending xmas cards but not this year. I won't send any, I don't think. 

One other girl I know IRL who lost her 16week baby a month before I lost the twins told me that she's celebrating and putting up a ton of lights so all our babies have something pretty to looki down upon from heaven.  She's also 32 weeks pregnant with another (after trying for 1 month post loss--grrrr) so her mindset isn't as jaded as ours, but I kind of get her point. 

The hard thing for me is that both my sis and SIL had babies this year so we won't be doing family stuff unless they're not coming since we haven't even met the babies yet because it's too hard and we don't want to make a crappy time for us worse by being around babies on their first Christmas!

I wish we all lived closer together so that we could all get together! ;(

STL34

((HUGE HUGS))  Take care of yourself.  That is the most important thing.

MerryMarisa

Nesting.Away:

You need to do what is right for you. If I have learned anything through all of this, it is when sh!t happens, you have to take care of yourself. If that means pissing off someone else, well so be it. They need to get over it and deal. Thinking of you!! (hugs))

All of this.  You've been a boatload of sh!t and you don't need to be pleasing any one.  You and your DH need to take care of yourselves and if some people don't like it, well that's too bad.  Big hugs to you.

Ginger71

We've all had our bitter periods,I think. You do have to take care of yourself and your DH 1st. Everyone will understand and if they don't then it's their problem. I f you don't feel like celebrating I don't think you should. Do something for yourself...be kind to yourself and it really is ok to spend the holidays in a more low key fashion....especially since it's the 1st. Firsts are so hard (((hugs)))

scooterq

I think you have to do what's right for you!  Big ((hugs)) sweetie!

Anasara

I'm going through the motions like Orange said, but my heart just isn't in it.  If it wasn't for having to sing a bunch of Masses I'd not do anything Christmas-y @ all.

SweetDahlia

I agree that you need to do what's best for you. I haven't really been in the mood for the Holidays the past several years, but we do them just to please people, but you know what, I am sick of pleasing people. We did our own Thanksgiving, just the two of us and it was nice.

I can't talk DH out of Christmas, but I don't think we will get the tree out. In the past we are gone so much anyway, it's kind of a lot of work for nothing.

Do what you need to do and worry about others later.

Hugs.