issues with nanny taking over...

Karenin

We have a nanny share and we love the nanny- she is in her late 50's, has her own grown children, and has been a nanny for 20 years. She really understands babies and is wonderful with DS, who is nearly 5 months. The share situation is also great for us.

However, I have some issues sometimes with the nanny basically telling me what to do or taking the lead on things with DS, and it bothers me even though it isn't anything major and it isn't harmful to DS. For example, at our 4 month appt., the ped said we could start to introduce solid foods. So for 2 weeks we started giving him a few spoonfuls at dinner time before his bottle. Then the nanny said that DS was taking in so much formula every day that he should have some solids at lunch. That was fine, but this morning she asked me if he "ate breakfast" and when I said no he just had a bottle, she said (nicely but still) "Ok, let's get you some breakfast then, otherwise you're going to want 5 bottles today." I was kind of caught off guard because I thiought, shouldn;t you be ASKING me how I want to proceed with solids, etc.? She already seemed judgmental when I said we weren't using rice ceral, just fruits and vegetables, and I just feel like I'm being treated like I don't know anything on certain issues.

Granted, I have never said anything to her- I am really, really bad at standing up for myself, plus I know she means well and she is wonderful with DS so I don't want to jeopardize our relationship. However, this really annoys me. Also, I was under the impression that you should be giving too many solids too soon since babies need to nutrients in formula/breast milk so they still need a lot of it.

Advice?

Momma2Michelle

From what I know, a baby under one year should have their primary nutrition coming from breastmilk/formula.  Solids are mostly for practice, especially at 4 months.  Until your son is taking in varities of food to meet all of his nutritional requirements, he needs the formula/breastmilk to provide that for him.  Baby cereal made with breastmilk or formula will provide a lot of that same nutrition, so a little bit a couple times a day is probably fine, but I'd check with your pedi to be sure. We only fed dd one "solids meal" starting at 6 months, for at least 2 months.  Then we gradually added in more, but still gave her the same amount of formula. 

azuremama

I think you need to stand up for yourself instead of waiting for her to ask what you want.  It sounds like she's got ideas about how to do things and is forceful enough that that's what she's going to do unless you say something.  Just present it as, "this is what we'd like to do."  There's nothing wrong with doing it your way, so don't be shy about it.

You might feel more confident if you did some research or talked to your pedi more about how to proceed with solids.  There seem to be a lot of conflicting ideas out there about when to introduce certain foods, how much, etc.  I researched a lot with DS, but we're just winging it with DD. 

Babies should still get most of their nutrition from breast milk and formula, but there's also nothing wrong with giving more than a few spoonfuls at a time or doing it at breakfast if that's what you want.  We started the kids on solids at home but pretty quickly moved to having daycare give them breakfast and then lunch there because it was easier and they seemed more receptive to solids earlier in the day. 

KathrynMD

she sounds kinda old school (surprise!)

I think you need to stand firm (but nicely) and say "Oh, well, the doctor says ____ so I don't think LO is ready for whatever."

I would use the doctor as the authority, so you're not really arguing with her or telling her her ideas are out of date or wrong (which they are).  This is what I do w/ my mom and it seems to work pretty well

jhansen3

You are the boss and need to tell her how you wish your child to be fed.  This is one area that you should not be passive (sorry to sound harsh but I am the same way and have learned this over the last year with my Nanny).  You will most likely need to address this now as this will keep coming up with other issues on how to raise your child.  Sounds like she has a lot of experience, but you are still the boss and she needs to respect your decision as parent. GL!

ITGurl0626

KathrynMD:

she sounds kinda old school (surprise!)

I think you need to stand firm (but nicely) and say "Oh, well, the doctor says ____ so I don't think LO is ready for whatever."

I would use the doctor as the authority, so you're not really arguing with her or telling her her ideas are out of date or wrong (which they are).  This is what I do w/ my mom and it seems to work pretty well

This 100%.....I do the same with my mom & my DH who swears he knows it all.

Cooper81

Until 1yo, food isn't for sustenance, it's for fun/practice.  Esp at 4 months old, they should be getting all their nutritional value from BM or formula.  We didn't even start solids until 6 months, and our pedi told us not to waste our time with any of the cereals because they really have no nutritional value, so we started with avocado and then really only gave him a little container 1-2 times a day.

Like PP said, go with the "this is what the pedi said" and if you need to find a few articles and print them out, things have changed since her kids were babies, maybe she just needs to see that for herself.

Karenin

Thanks everyone- I finally got over myself and my shyness and was just honest with her. She was really nice about it an explained she thought it was just good for him to practice eating multiple times a day so he gets used to it, but that she was only giving hima  few spoonfuls each time. She also said she's happy to handle it however I want her to. So it was great- thanks for encouraging me to just deal with it instead of being a baby!

Amy&Anthony

I too am in a 'Grandparent that I Pay' type childcare situation. They have three grown children two grandchildren and have been taking kids into their home for 20 years. To say it bluntly compared to them I DON"T know $hit about raising kids.

I  hate to say it;  but a sage bit of advice I got from another working mom was if I trust them, and DS is happy, then let the DCP lead. It will make their lives and DS's life much easier.

Now DH & MIL? That's a different story.....