PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday

ctbride08

Hows it going this week? Struggles? Highlights?

QOTD: Do you feel supported in your parenting?  If so, what are your sources of support? If not, how could you seek out more support?

For those not yet parenting: do you anticipate support? from who?

Two*True

Things are going good but dude, my daughter thinks my name is "mine."  So I might have mentioned on here how I thought her "ma-ma" sounded like "mine."  Well that's because it is!!  She very clearly calls K mama, no issues!  But I'm freakin' mine! lol!  I know why though.  When it was just her and I, I would say things like "We're going to get your jacket and then get mine", "Go get your shoes and I'll get mine."  I never referred to myself as mom and no one else was around to do so.  So my child calls me mine

QOTD - lol! Oh what a question!  Yes and no.  Before K returned she trusted and supported my decisions 100%.  Now that she is back she of course questions things (not necessarily in a bad way) and there are more discussions around parenting choices.  Sometimes I feel she is still MIA but I know I need to get better about asking for help when needed and not just doing it on my own because I can and I'm used to it.  So yeah, I don't know that that answered the question. :-)

Kershnic

We're debating whether to buy more sperm.  We made a fundamental error in TTC w/ donor sperm and got attached to our donor.  We have some stored currently, but more recently became available and I'm worried that he might sell out before we know if we need more for baby #1 or stock up for baby #2. 

Having not been to the RE for a few weeks, after several months of feeling like I lived there, it feels unreal that we are TTC at all.  And I'm failing pretty miserably at my efforts to weigh less when we start again than I did when we left the last appointment.

I think that for the most part DW and I will support each other.  She's probably slightly stricter than I am, and has somewhat more of a temper than I do.  But I've seen her with our nephews and a good friend's child, and we've discussed their parenting styles and our intended ones at length.  But you never really know until you're there, right? 

ctbride08

Kershnic:

 But you never really know until you're there, right? 

uh, yes. to say the least!

Kershnic

ctbride08:

Kershnic:

 But you never really know until you're there, right? 

uh, yes. to say the least!

You did ask me to speculate. 

I hope that in among the stressful surprises there have also been some happy ones, and that the same will be for me someday. 

ctbride08

Update: Its been a good week - nice for life to settle down a bit after last week's craziness.  Daisy is walking all over (omg - i cant believe in a matter of weeks I will have 2 full-fledged toddlers. eeek).  She's also doing well cutting down on the bottles.  She off of them 100% during the day, we just have to bite the bullet and kick the night time ones.  Which poses a new problem since she's still waking in the middle of the night to eat.  So maybe ditching the bottles will be the final push to STTN? or maybe it will all just be one big disaster   RB has made some good progress on PTing, though its clear that we will not be diaper-free for some time.  And Sprout has been Sprout...the always-talking-needing-to-be-in-the-middle-of-everything-center-of-attention thing has been driving me nuts, but I know its normal and has more to do with the fact that I'm stressed and tired than it does a behavioral concern.  But seriously, he is ALWAYS talking.

QOTD:  The support comes and goes for me.  DW and I have good days and bad days but we've gotten into a mostly-good groove, and even when we aren't quite on the same page, I always know that she supports me and thinks i'm a good mom.  What makes me sad, though, is the lack of support I get from family.  Part of it is my own fault for not being better at asking for help, but I've been really surprised by how little help and support has been offered.  I get jealous when I hear about other people who have help/babysitters/ect at their fingertips.  I also get a fair amount of judgement/criticism on my parenting which is no fun at all.  On a cheesy note, I do really appreciate the support I get from here and my local board.  The camaraderie from other moms who are in it and doing it is great.

ctbride08

Kershnic:

ctbride08:

Kershnic:

 But you never really know until you're there, right? 

uh, yes. to say the least!

You did ask me to speculate. 

oh absolutely! I hope that didnt come off snarky - i think its great that you have that realization going in.

leapgirl8

I anticipate having the support of my parents, especially my mom. They're very excited about the babies, and know that we are relocating in part for the help. I think my brother and sister will also be happy to help, to the extent that they can be around. They aren't married and don't have kids of their own yet, but they like kids and were really happy when we told them about the pregnancy.

I know that Jen and I will have some parenting differences, but in the interest of preserving my own sanity, I am focusing on things like names and figuring out what we need right now, and not how we are actually going to feed and care for and raise well-behaved twins.

butterflygrooves

Let's see if I can form a complete, intelligent (at least readable) sentence this morning.

PAP: We looked at a larger rental house yesterday and fell in love with it, sent all of our info to the LL, waiting to hear back.  We plan to buy a van in the near future and we may be doing it a lot sooner than anticipated because...

TTA: We took placement of a 1 1/2 year old girl at 3am and found out that she has an infant sister who will be discharged from the hospital today.  I confirmed with our agency that we can have 2 cribs in our room, they are going to try to get her placed with us as well.  CSW said that due to the severity of the crime against older baby they are requesting immediate TPR, not sure if that applies to the infant as well but I imagine so (different crimes/reasons for removal but mom has a history with CPS). 

ATP: OH.MY.GOSH, our family is rapidly expanding.  A and Iz have been good for the most part.  Iz and I are still going through some growing pains but it's getting easier and more natural.

QOTD: I haven't been the most supported by J when it comes to Iz but she is beginning to back me up and help me out more often.  She is supportive in the sense that she tells me I am a great mother and makes me feel like I can move mountains.  My Dad is a big source of support for parenting, I often call him for guidance and reassurance, I think I parent similar to him but with a mother's touch.

2brides

Update: Things are pretty good. Carter seems to perhaps have calmed down a tad - but it could also be that he is in school all day this week vs last week when we were all home Thurs-Sun and were together all of the time! As obnoxious as he can be though, he is equally sweet and cuddly. L wants to "get him tested" because he is always on the move (even when he watches tv, he is on his head, rolling around, falling off the bed, etc though he is paying attention and has great recall) but I think that is just him and he isn't hyper, just has a need to move. Plus, we aren't going to medicate him so what is the point. I do wonder if he has a learning disability, but his teacher seems to think he doing okay.

QOTD: L and I are typically on the same page. She typically has a much longer fuse than I do, but she was getting pretty frustrated with Carter this weekend, which kind of made me laugh since I've dealt with it solo for the last 3 out of 4 weekends. My ILs really do support our parenting style and have often complimented L on our parenting. My father has made several snide comments about our parenting, especially when the boys were a bit younger and had them on a fairly strict schedule - even on vacation. He would complain that we would put the boys to bed too early (7p-8p depending on age) while we were visiting saying they could stay up since they were on vacation. But he has more or less come around and acknowledges that perhaps we do know what we are doing (though he does like to supersede our wishes when it comes to things like "no more toys" which infuriated L.)

CT - I agree with you. We don't have any family around either. Last month L's parents did come when she had surgery and did drop off/pick up the kids from school 1 day since L was recovering and I had to go out of town for work. And they are coming in December and actually babysitting for a few hours for the first time in 5.5y so L and I could go to a party that I really wanted to go to. We rarely go out for a date night since it costs $15/hr in babysitting fees + whatever we decide to do. I would love to have grandparents or other family around that we trusted and that would be willing to babysit a few hrs here or there.

Kershnic

ctbride:

oh absolutely! I hope that didnt come off snarky - i think its great that you have that realization going in.

Nah, I get what you mean.  

As for family... No one is local, so that's a big barrier.   I think I've expressed it before, but I am sad that I know my sister won't be able to do for us what we have done for her and her children.  But it's not for lack of love, just circumstances.  I hope that my parents will be able to muster the same support for me that they have for her, but there's no way to compete with being the first grandkids. Unless something goes horribly wrong we'll have the first on DW's side.    But her family is all far.

tdmklm

This, fellow bumpies, is uber crap week.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my best friend's death. She killed herself on December 2, 2009. So: crap week by default forever. I still can't believe it happened.

Crap week by default became even crappier on Monday, when I got bad news about immigration stuff. (Short version of the back story: K and I are a binational couple, and thanks to DOMA, K can't sponsor me to be in this country. Thankfully, my employer needs me and is going through the process to sponsor me, but OMG what a crazy process this is.) The timeline for permanent status just got screwed up big time for NO FRIGGIN' REASON THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. Sorry. Had to yell. So: welcome to Ubercrapland, Nov 28-Dec 2. Hopefully next week will be better.

Highlights: a) when I got home on Monday, there was a huge bouquet of red roses on the coffee table in the living room. b) J has been doing SO many new things - he took his first solo steps on Wednesday last week, points to people when we ask, "Where's grandma? Where's mama? Etc.", and has started responding a lot more when I talk to him in Portuguese. It's awesome to interact with him in new ways.

QOTD: Mostly not. K and I support each other, but our families are far away (hers in NY/TN/NH, mine in Brazil). Truth be told, even if my family were closer, they probably wouldn't do much. Hers would, I think, but it's a moot point because they're so far away. One more reason to miss my best friend - I know she would love spending time with J and helping out with whatever. I was - and am - part of her kids' lives, and she's not here to be part of J's. It hurts more than I can say that he doesn't have her in his life.

cookiemonster03

kershnic - we too were attached to our first donor. After 2 m/c and 3 other tries (2 tries?I can't remember) we switched and got the twins the next round. Now we only have one of that donor left and he's on back order!! I don't have any idea what to do. Anyway, I wouldn't order more. You never know.

 

cookiemonster03

This week is going ok. The babies are sleeping ok and getting more interactive which is cool.

QOTD: Our biggest issue (to me) right now is a lack of a schedule. I want the babies on a strict schedule . I've been singing this song since before they came home. BUT I was always at work, and it was next to impossible to feed them together for the first month+, and it just didn't happen. I still sing the song, but no one listens. I KNOW we are shooting ourself in the foot. They're 4 mo old and only nap together once a day (midday, at least its the long one). Again though, I am not home with them, and in a way its easier for their grandmas to take care of them staggered. Maybe when they go to daycare?

 My ILs have been super supportive. My parents are ok. They give us the side eye for aiming to use BM for a year, and cloth diapering...mostly they're ok though. We'll see when the babies are mobile and such.

2brides

cookiemonster03:

kershnic - we too were attached to our first donor. After 2 m/c and 3 other tries (2 tries?I can't remember) we switched and got the twins the next round. Now we only have one of that donor left and he's on back order!! I don't have any idea what to do. Anyway, I wouldn't order more. You never know.

 

This was our experience as well. We had 8 tries with 2 different donors. We switched to donor #3 and boom. The boys.

lnelson20

Two*True:

Things are going good but dude, my daughter thinks my name is "mine."  So I might have mentioned on here how I thought her "ma-ma" sounded like "mine."  Well that's because it is!!  She very clearly calls K mama, no issues!  But I'm freakin' mine! lol!  I know why though.  When it was just her and I, I would say things like "We're going to get your jacket and then get mine", "Go get your shoes and I'll get mine."  I never referred to myself as mom and no one else was around to do so.  So my child calls me mine

 I love this! 

seattlekari

Things are pretty status quo around our house. Last night E and I built a house with her pink tinker.toy set and she sat there directing the construction process and organizing all the pieces into neat piles. Too cute.

QOTD: Good question! Of course I think things are fine when it's just E and I because there's nobody there to object! Seriously though, I think for the most part E's dad and I parent similarly though you could never tell him that an earlier, more consistent bedtime would be a good thing for her! He has complimented me on some things, so it seems I must be doing something right. My parents have...well I think they've come around. My mom rode my a$$ for about 6 months before E finally potty trained about how she should already be there and I was like you know what, she'll do it when she's ready and I'm not going to push it. I don't have the luxury of staying home all day with my kids like you did. End discussion. Since that time though, my mom has complimented me on my patience with E and I think she now sees that I'm doing a pretty good job. E is happy, sweet, very kind and loving and that's all any parent (or grandparent) could ask for.

LV1979

TTC-  Wiaitng for Friday for the offical test but we jumped the gun last night and got a BFN... no AF yet so there is still hope but we are not counting on it.  The bank account continues to empty faster than it fills so it is making me nervous.  It is only our second cycle so while we are forever hopeful we are realistic that it takes a while.

QOTD: DW and I are a great team overall.  So she will definitely be the biggest supporter.  I think our families are going to make us nuts....VERY opinionated.  However our friends rock and although we are the first of our group to be trying they are all looking foward to baby time until they are ready for their own.

2brides

tdmklm:

This, fellow bumpies, is uber crap week.

I am sorry. I hope it gets better!. 

2moms2twins

been so busy with work and the twins and this roattaion i feel as though I cant breathe.  This rotation though only 3 12hr shifts is right dab smack in the day so I only see girls at 11pm to put them to bed but i feel as though They have forgotten me..  I feel as though they now prefer Melanie over me when it was the opposite ..

other than that nothing much I feel bad that I had to be gone during M B day and that she will be home for 3 days with out help with the girls ... It can be tough sometimes.  But she is AWESOME... 

 and X mas is coming and sometimes it messe me up .. Just because I focus on the expense and all ... and I have another kidney stone hanging out in my kidney and so I am worried about that and have to to a 24 hr urine collection ... eeek 

Oh well - Ill get over it !

 

J

EratMama

Week:  It's going well.  We are all in a groove, and I am trying not to think about anything beyond a week or so.

Lowlight: My bro and his wife came over on Sun.  His 2nd time seeing Pumpkin--her first.  Not one word about him.  After 5 min I said to her, "SIL--this is Pumpkin" "Oh, yeah." WTF?

QOTD; L and I have a good groove, and are supporting one another--although there aren't that many critical decisions to make about a 1 mo. old's care.   Feed him, then change him or change him then feed him?

 My parents have been awesome, but as you can tell, I'm pretty disappointed in my brother (who at this point isn't sure he wants to be called uncle.... not sure if that's because of lack of biology or permanence....he's a man of few words.)   It's early yet, so things will change I am sure.  

We also have good friends who have brought some dinners, offered to babysit, etc.

 

P.S. Brandi opened the concert with a cover of "Mad World" which has the line:            Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday, happy birthday And I feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen. I decided it was for my birthday!  We had a great night!

seattlekari

EratMama:

P.S. Brandi opened the concert with a cover of "Mad World" which has the line:            Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday, happy birthday And I feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen. I decided it was for my birthday!  We had a great night!

Yay!!! She does some awesome covers and that's one of them! Glad to hear you had a fantastic night!

Kershnic

tdmklm - Sorry you're having such a crap week.    Here's hoping the next one looks way up.

 

cookie and 2brides - Thanks for your input on the sperm situation.  Your stories depress me though!   I really really don't want to have to pick someone else, but it's a good reminder that we may need to.... 

ctbride08

EratMama:

My parents have been awesome, but as you can tell, I'm pretty disappointed in my brother (who at this point isn't sure he wants to be called uncle.... not sure if that's because of lack of biology or permanence....he's a man of few words.)   It's early yet, so things will change I am sure.  

boo, i'm sorry  

A's brother has been the same way and it sucks.

ball.and.chain

Kershnic:

We made a fundamental error in TTC w/ donor sperm and got attached to our donor.

Yep.  This would be me, too.  For a long time he had not produced any reported pregnancies and we were worried we should switch, but just recently I saw that he now has some pregnancies to his name.  Which makes me feel more confident about him, but also makes me worry that he'll sell out.  We've been conservative about buying vials and we only have one left (right now he has plenty available, though).  When we were considering switching a couple of months ago, we reviewed all the other available donors that met our criteria...AGAIN...and didn't really like any of the others that much.  So part of it is actually being attached to the donor (I am, wife isn't -- but his baby photo is TO DIE FOR) and part of it is just not really being crazy about the alternatives (which goes for both of us).  I keep trying to remind myself that we might have to switch, but I'm also in denial about it.

Otherwise I don't have much TTC news other than that I have one week of my TWW left and it cannot come soon enough.  I decided to start seeing a therapist to help me deal with the stress/anxiety etc and the one appointment she had available that I could make happened to be the night AF is due.  So it might be a good night for therapy...  Also, still trying to decide whether I want to switch to an RE.  And still hoping if I'm pregnant this time, I won't have to make this decision (as well as the decision about switching donors)!