Late Term and Child Loss

Did anyone have any intuition...

that something was wrong? I don't know how to explain it, but the whole time I was PG with DD, I had a feeling something was off somehow. I went to all of my appointments and everything seemed on track, so I had no rational reason to feel this way. I remember right before I got my spinal before my C section with her, my OB said "this is the last contraction you will ever have to feel," (we thought we would be done at 2 kids) and I remember the voice inside my head thinking that was not right. After we had DS, I had my H bring my box of maternity clothes to the basement that day after arriving home from the hospital and for some reason with DD, I didn't feel like it was time to do that. And when she was home with us, it just didn't feel final. Our family didn't feel complete or settled. Its a hard feeling to explain.  I know there are a bunch of other things I have noticed that I am forgetting. Anyone else have any bizarre feelings like this?
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DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption

Re: Did anyone have any intuition...

  • Yup.  Me and DH are convinced something was wrong with Adam, for various reasons.  He was just a very different baby than DD, and there was always something going on with him.  We were gonna ask for very thorough blood work at his 2 month appointment, but he never made it to that point.  All his blood work when he was hospitalized was normal, and the autopsy was pretty inconclusive, but nothing came up to indicate any kind of health issue.  I don't believe it.  We just truly believe something was wrong from very early on.

  • Yes, and I hate to admit it because it almost feels like I caused this by being scared for him.  It was my first pregnancy, so I wasn't sure if my fears were normal or not... but a client of ours had a stillbirth when I was in my first trimester, I was heartbroken for her and I was terrified for my son, I had this haunting feeling that I would lose him.  We bought and registered for almost everything in gender neutral colors even though we knew he was a boy, the only blue thing was his room.  I won't say I "knew" it would happen, I made him a beautiful nursery and I was so excited to meet him...but I would say I know just what you mean.
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    Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!

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  • I know exactly what you mean. And I never had those feelings with DD. The thoughts haunt me.
  • Yes I did.  As I wrote in my birth story- Annabelle was my third and from the minute I took the pregnancy test I was very unsettled.  I bled at 7 weeks (which I never did with the other 2), and I didn't grow as much with her (even though I measured just a bit small).  I was just sad throughout the pregnancy and I was a nervous wreck going into the 20 week ultrasound when usually I was so excited for it.  That's when we found out that Annabelle was "incompatible with life".
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  • I didn't have an incling that something was wrong, it never crossed my mind that Logan wouldn't be mine to take home and cuddle every day.  But...I always "knew" that he was "special."  There was something strong about him, stubborn almost.  It was as if I knew that he was going to change us -- drastically -- and not in the typical 1st time parent kind of way.  I knew he was going to bond us somehow.  I also kept seeing 2 - 8 in my dreams or in a passing thought.  His due date was 2/12, but I told everyone 2/8 -- what else could it be, right!?!  He was born on October 28.  It's like I knew the whole time....

    For the record, he did bring us that extra special bond between me and DH and our families.  But I hate that it had to be that way...

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  • I had a weird thing that i didnt want to get my tubes tied after Sydney was born I didnt want to "jinx " anything. I told my doctor I wouldnt do it for a while after she was born since i was supersticious. I also told my sister at like 35 weeks I couldnt picture myself with My DD#1 and then taking care fo a baby maybe cause my kids were so far apart in age, there is 14 years different. I guess amybe it was me kind of maybe knowing she wasnt going to make it. I feel like that now but I dont think that I am right in my thinking. 

    I'm hoping for a rainbow baby and i cant even see that happening in my head , I suppose because of my grief and sense of loss losing Sydney!! I think I was just so comfortable since my pregnancy was so uneventful she was perfect every month.


    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
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  • I was always cautious in my pg and never really felt comfortable. 

    On a Sunday night in late January, I told DH that I was tired of being scared. That I was going to think positive and be happy.  That evening, I had the most vivid dream that I was in labor and delivered the babies.  In my dream, I was crying and was trying to hold the babies in so hard, saying "no, they can't come, they're too early."  Less than 12 hours later, I was in the hospital and 6cm dilated. 

    In this pregnancy, I feel OK and kind of settled. I'm scared, of course, but I dont feel as cautious as I did with the twins.  It's strange. 

    I did have a dream the other night that I had a full-term baby.  All was perfect, except the baby had a full goatee.  I hope that is my scariest pregnancy dream of this pregnancy.  I sure don't want another PTL dream but if I have one, my dr said that I can come in immediately for a check up.


    TTC Since 10/08 4 IUIs=BFNx4
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    Bradley and Billy born and lost on 2/2/11 at 19w2d due to pPROM/PTL. I miss you, little angels.
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  • When I was in my first trimester I would tell people yes I'm pregnant, but... anything can happen. In my second trimester I found out that she was way too small, so the rest of the pregnancy was all stress and tears, and why isn't she growing, how can I get her to grow, why can't I feel her yet, etc. We did buy nursery furniture, but never finished the nursery. The only girly thing I ever bought for her was a set of headband/flower thingies, and that was it. I was always so scared it would end and kept preparing myself for it, but who could be prepared for this kind of thing? I had a feeling she wouldn't make it, or if she did, she'd have to struggle for a while to be healthy. We haven't started trying again, I'm scared to, but I wonder if I will have the same feeling of dread the entire time, or will I be able to sense that the pregnancy is going better, if it does?
    EDD 9/28/2011, lost our little girl (pre-e/iugr) on 6/13/11 @24w5d
    EDD 3/12/2013, natural miscarriage on 7/18/12 @6w2d
    EDD 8/01/2013, D&C scheduled for 12/31/12 @9w4d
  • The entire time I was pregnant I really never believed I would bring home a baby. It's hard to explain, I would day dream about him being here, but never really believed it would actually happen. However, it was my first pregnancy, so I thought it was normal to feel that way. Maybe it is.
  • That is another thing, my DS and DD were two years apart, and even right after she was born, I couldn't picture having two kids that close together in age. It was bizarre.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
    DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
  • I felt off during my entire pregnancy but I thought it was from the early loss I had at 5 wks. The only board I went on was PGAL and everyone said it was normal to have anxiety and worry. Everything was different the whole time, my nausea started at 10 wks (??) and the fatigue never went away. I did not gain 1 lb. during the pregnancy but had horrible bloat. I felt really awful and I told myself that was because my body was older and more ragged after chasing a 2 yr old. I thought for sure I would be showing by 17 wks and that I would be feeling movement but I had neither and in my mind that was because something was wrong, I just didn't know what. I would read the faces of loss site during work and lurk on the pg loss board here. I had no reason to do those things because the pregnancy was "normal."  

  • I felt this way too! I didn't get real big with her but with my 2nd I didn't gain a lot of wt.either so I wasn't too worried about that. I went 4 or 5 days w/o feeling her move and I started freaking out. At first I just thought maybe since it's a girl maybe they're lazier since I've only had boys. My hubby kept reassuring me that her and I have been healthy as can be thus far and I had no problems with the boys. That maybe she flipped over and the placenta was blocking her movements and that I wasn't far enough along to feel regular movements. Then 4 or 5 days after feeling no movement I felt 2 kicks in my belly when I went to bed and the next day I felt a kick in the left of my back then nothing. I had an u/s done when I was 25wks and found out she had passed and it looked like she had about 2wks before my appt. It's weird b/c the week of my appt. I was feeling the bh contractions a few time a day which was normal so I didn't think anything of it. I really wish I had gone when I didn't feel her move though. I can't believe I didn't do anything.
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Yes, me too. I always had this feeling far deep in my heart that DS wouldn't be coming home with us but I didn't "realize" it for far too long. I felt strange having his baby showers, buying and assembling the crib, and really strange washing his clothes the night before we found out he had passed. I was very careful to wash his coming home outfit for sure so it would be ready, and now I know why.

    With my 2nd pregnancy, I had a feeling things wouldn't go well again. And then the day we had our u/s where we found out both girls had no HBs, I had prayed in the morning that we'd get to at least take one home and I asked DS to help us. I felt a tugging at the ankle of my jeans when I prayed and I knew in my heart it was DS telling me that his sisters were already with him.

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  • I was over the moon about being pregnant... BUt I had this feeling something was wrong... that I wouldn't be bringing a baby home with me...I remember thinking about how I couldn't imagine getting a baby out of this pregnancy and that good things didn't happen to me.

     When she came up on my 20 week ultrasound and you could tell she wouldn't make it I was not surprised... Heartbroken and in shock but not really surprised. 

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  • I had a few dreams of bleeding and rushing to the hospital. I could never picture myself home with my babies. I thought once I reached second tri I would calm down a little with worry, but something was still bothering me in the back of my mind and I couldn't put my finger on it.


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  • Yes.  I kept the tags on all of the baby things we bought, because I just had this feeling we wouldn't get to use them.  Literally the week before Eliott passed away, I started tearing off tags and washing clothes. 

    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
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  • After we lost Porter my husband and I both had dreams that Isaac was going to die and we would bury the boys together.  I honestly thought they were just bad dreams, but five weeks after Porter died we lost Isaac too.  I'm happy they're together but a lot of the time I'm mad that we didn't at least get to bring one baby home.  I don't know if the dreams were preparing us or if somehow we just knew. . .
  • Yes.

    I didn't have these feelings when I was pregnant(I think I was in denial,even after we found out about her heart defect),but once she was born and was very ill.I felt like I KNEW she was going to pass,and that she wouldn't be with us long.Every single time I would start to think"hmm,maybe I was wrong.Maybe she will be ok",some other major setback would happen and we'd almost lose her,and I'd get snapped back into my pessimistic reality.

    I have alot of guilt about this though;I feel like maybe if I had had more faith or more hope in my heart she would still be here.

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  • I'm replying really late on this one and I haven't posted on the boards in ages but I was drawn here tonight by a couple of posts. YES, I had a feeling when I was pg with DS.  He was my first pregnancy though so I kept thinking that was why.  My first ob appts. were fine though so I was crazy.  I didn't buy anything specific for the baby but I bought some gender neutral towels that were on clearance thinking that I could always give them as a gift if things didn't work out.  The morning of the big ultrasound I remember feeling like I was going to throw up and that I wanted to leave.  That was the appointment we found out there were some problems.  It was 11 days later that we found our our son had died.  I remember feeling like I already knew.  Of course I was sad and I cried but I was not surprised.  When I got pg the second time I knew from the positive test that it wouldn't work out and a few days later I started bleeding.  Even when we went in and saw the hb on the ultrasound I knew it wouldn't work out.  When I got pg with my oldest DD I had a feeling (even after everything we had been through) that it would work out and she's a happy and healthy almost 3 year old.  When I got pg with my youngest DD I also had a feeling it would work out but that something would be "different" and she was born 15 days early but healthy. 

    I have some other "feelings" about things that I am scared about and I hope I'm wrong but I don't think so.  I don't want to talk about them here but I have thought about going to counseling specifically for these things.  But I have a feeling someone will just tell me I'm just a worrier.  

    mom to Nathaniel Martin born still on June 22, 2007 at 22 weeks and an angel baby who was miscarried at 7.4 weeks on January 15, 2008. Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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