Anyone use a mediation service instead of court?
Crystal318
member
Can you please tell me your experience?
Is the agreement legally binding?
I am hearing conflicting information and need to know.
Here is the most recent back story if you are interested:
I kicked my ex-fiance out over a month ago and we have been just trying to work things out on our own (money, visits, etc). Long story short, he has had a history with drug/alcohol and had been in rehab etc. I have had an intuition that he is back using again but I dont have any proof. He was supposed to get LO from day care yesterday but then I realized that he has had contact with the guy he used to do drugs with which made me even more suspicious. I checked out his bank statements and saw some really suspicious ATM withdrawals ( Example - 5 withdrawals in one day in 5 different parts of town - parts he used to get high in and where his drug dealers lived), I called the cops and told them that I had reason to believe he was on drugs and to please meet me at the day care because I knew my ex was on his way there. Well, he made it there before we did (the police and I) and he was able to get him from day care. The day care could not stop him and he is on the list and they need a legal document stating otherwise. The cops told me there was nothing they could do because he is the father. I talked to Ex and he said that he was not bringing LO home to me and that I couldnt see him. I was freaking out! Eventually he did bring him home to me last night after using our son against. He said I had to kick my dad out or he wouldnt bring me son to me (my dad was recently evicted and I was letting him stay at my house), so I told my dad to leave. Then he said I needed to call the day care and tell them everything was fine, so I called the day care. Then he said he would only bring LO home if EX could stay at my house until LO went to bed - I said okay. If he has asked me for a million dollars I would have gave it to him (if I had it). I just wanted LO home. I am so upset. I cant believe all of this is happening and there is nothing I can do??? That cant be right.
I spoke with and attorney this morning but I really wanted to try to go the route of mediation first. I honestly dont want to piss EX off because I dont trust him and I am scared if I tried to take him to court, he would take LO and I would never see him again. I feel as though if we were able to go to mediation and work something out and he felt like he had some imput in the decision and was not being TOLD what to do, he would be less likely to do anything to try to hurt me (emotionally) - like take LO away. The only problem is that I would want drug tests to be part of the agreement and I dont think he would ever agree to that.
Please help me. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Thank you.
PS - Sorry for the lack of organization of this post!
Re: Anyone use a mediation service instead of court?
I personally think you need a lawyer and fast. Go to the courthouse and file for custody ASAP (before your STBXH does). Do NOT let him take LO again or use him against you. Notify daycare that he is no longer to pick him up and if you need to show them the court paperwork about custody then do so.
Don't worry about pissing him off, he's playing you like a fiddle so you need to protect LO and yourself. You need to make sure you are NEVER in a situation like that which you just described again.
I couldn't agree more. File ASAP. If you need to, pull DS out of daycare and find a sitter or nanny. I wouldn't let X be alone with him again until there was a formal court order. I don't think mediation will work for you. You need a judge and attorneys involved immediately.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine. I know I would flip the F out if my X ever tried to pull something like this.
3rd what the ladies said. that's a scary situation that no mother should have to deal with. FILE ASAP. Like achase told me when I first started posting here, "being nice will get you screwed." That was a very aggressive thing that he did & you can't be timid when dealing with him. It's obvious mediation won't work for you guys. In my state when custody is filed, you have to meet with a mediator anyway before deciding to go to court, so you'll still have the opportunity to mediate.
But for now you have to protect your LO and a court order is the way to do that. Is it a scary process? Definitely, but not as scary as your ex taking your child from you and then filing for custody!! Do NOT send your kid back to daycare if they won't let you ammend the paperwork.
all of the above. Lawyer now. Since you weren't married, you shouldn't need legal documentation to take him off the pick up list. If for some reason you do, have your lawyer file an action now, and also file for custody. Have the state determine child support and do not worry about p!ssing him off.
I did mediation and we have a temporary order for now. If has helped a lot with grey areas and I am glad we did it. I am sure we might have to use court down the line, but it is a good temporary solution. Many states make you do mediation first before going before a judge.
I did mediation only, but I didn't have near the amount of drama you did. When it looked like we weren't going to be able to agree, I had a consult with a lawyer. Luckily, we were able to calm down and work things out.
I did mediation only, but I didn't have near the amount of drama you did. When it looked like we weren't going to be able to agree, I had a consult with a lawyer. Luckily, we were able to calm down and work things out.
You definitely need a lawyer.
In a very chaotic time last winter when XH was off his rocker and I was terrified for my/DS safety, I spoke with daycare and provided them with strict instructions that if he attempted to come pick up DS, they were to stall him, call me immediately, and I would come get DS. I also had a back up daycare arranged in case I needed to switch unexpectedly so XH wouldn't know where DS was. Daycare was unable to prevent him from taking DS because he was a parent, and we didn't have a CO in place.
For my county, mediation was required. If you agree in mediation, the agreement is signed by all parties, noterized, and filed with the court, thereby being a legal document that must be followed. If you don't agree, then you go to court.