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Adoption
Adoptive Breastfeeding
When I first heard about this I thought it was a little strange, but the idea has started growing on me. Have any of you tried it? Or do you have an opinion about trying it (positive or negative)?
Also, if I were to persue it any thoughts on what kind of dr I should consult since I would likely need drug treatments, would my primary care know enough to be useful?
Thanks ladies!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Adoptive Breastfeeding
I haven't tried this (obviously) since we are still waiting for our kids to come home and they are too old to BF. But I do BF our bio daughter and will give our adopted kids expressed breastmilk for their first few months home until they have put on some weight and their immune systems have improved (they are seriously underweight--our 4 1/2 y.o. daughter weighs the same as our 10 month old and is only 3 inches taller).
There was an adotive mom on here who BF her son. I can't remember her username.
Kellymom has lots of info and tips on adoptive lactation:
https://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/index.html
I would doubt your PCP would know much about it, but I would think he/she should know how to find out more and point you in the right direction. I think La Leche League would also be a great source of support. It will be hard finding anyone wiht personal experience since I think most don't try, but you never know... I'm sure the mothers at LLL would be very supportive in helping you to figure things out.
Good luck and please keep us posted. I hope it works out for you. I can't think of a better way of bonding with your child.
I can't quite decide if it is for me either, but I am a little curious. They do seem to have a way to make it work if you are menopausal (If you were interested): https://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/menopause_protocol.html
That would make DH very happy since he is looking forward to feeding baby and thinks it is "unfair"
that I might get extra bonding time.
I've heard about it. We had a quick placement. The agency called at 1:00 one afternoon, and the next morning at 10:00, we were at the hospital to pick up the baby.
I really have no opinion one way or the other. It's not for me even if we'd had a long wait and I could have prepared for it. The thing that bothers me is how everyone says that breastfeeding is the way to bond with a baby. I'm sure it is, but there are a heck of a lot of ways to bond with the baby+ Dad can help out with the 2 AM feedings. LOL! I feel that Ben and I bonded 100 % without me breastfeeding him. Ben was also on soy formula because he had reflux and spit up a lot.
Anyway, I know I'm rambling, but I don't want anyone to feel guilty that they didn't breastfeed. Ben is 16 1/2 months old and he's only had a few colds and a stomach virus. He's been so healthy. He's also really smart.
Do what works for you!
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} Just wanted to clarify that I did not mean a mother cannot create a great bond with her baby w/o BF?ing. A mother absolutely can. There?s no doubt about it.
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} But my statement that I can?t imagine a better way is true. The intricacies of the lactating body are amazing and not well-understood. However, somehow the baby?s body and the mother?s synchronize and communicate in such a way that the mother?s body knows and adjusts to baby?s nutritional needs so as to create the perfect nutrition for baby. A mother?s breastmilk adjusts as her baby grows older and has different needs. Scientists believe the communication may be, in part, between baby?s saliva and mother?s areola (so the communication persists w/o a genetic link).
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} Breastfeeding also releases oxytocin hormones (i.e. ?the love hormone?) into the mother?s system. Oxytocin is believed to play a large role in bonding.
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} Of course, breastfeeding is not the only way to bond, but it certainly gives you a leg up. Whether to BF is every woman?s individual choice. But it is a choice that is, hopefully, made by weighing the pros and cons on both sides and reaching a decision that is best for you and baby. If BF?ing ends up stressing a mother out more than FF then it may not be a good choice for her. Adoption has lots of additional stresses. BF?ing may help you deal with that or it may make it worse. Only you can decide.
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} As far as husband also being able to bond, there?s nothing that says you can?t express milk for your husband to feed the baby. I WHO and my DH bottle feeds DD whenever he is watching her and I am gone. They are very well bonded (which again, goes to show, you do not have to BF to bond).
I didn't mean to imply that I would bond more with the baby then DH would! I would definitely be encouraging him to do middle of the night feedings- and likely other times too
. I sort of assume (maybe falsely) if I choose to try it that I wouldn't be able to produce enough milk to completely feed the baby so would supplement with bottle feedings. I meant it more that it is a way I could bond that DH really can't.
What a quick match for you! you must have been thrilled- and your son looks like such a happy boy!
TTCgradstud...I wasn't directing the bonding comment toward you. It's just that I've read and heard in books how you bond with your baby while breastfeeding and how I think you can do the same thing in other ways.
I hope you have a short wait!
I also felt a little...awkward, when this first came up. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that there is nothing more natural than breast feeding a baby. From all the way back in Biblical times, there were "wet nurses" that would breast feed for women that couldn't. Hospitals even use to hire wet nurses as part of staff. It's only as of late that it's become somewhat taboo. I looked at it this way: I know that breast milk is the best for my child-there's no argument there. Knowing that, how could I look at my child in years to come that I'm professing to love 'as my own' and admit that I was too uncomfortable to breast feed? Now, that's my personal opinion, of course...but I know that I want to do the best thing for my baby. And that's breast milk. And the added bonus of getting to bond with your child is invaluable...to both you and the baby. From my friends that did BF, they said there is nothing more fulfilling. My friends that didn't BF now say they wished they had. That's my two cents.
There is an awesome web site called asklenore.com that you should check out. It's all about breast feeding assistance like this; it is choked full of information.
The type of doc you would need would be a lactation specialist. As far as whether or not you would need drug treatment, that depends on your specific scenario. I know that they encourage natural herbs in many cases, even if there is no drug treatment.
Hope this helps.
Erica
There's a pretty critical difference there--wet nurses were/are women who are ALREADY nursing and simply feed a child to whom they did not give birth.
I've been through 1.5 adoptions (second child not home yet) and I can tell you there's absolutely NOTHING natural about adoption. Parenting an adopted child, yes, but the process of adoption is nothing if not invasive and fraught with legal complexities. Jacking yourself up with more hormones (and herbs are no more than untested, unregulated drugs) after going through infertility treatments, then pumping like a fiend in the hopes you MIGHT make breast milk is NOT NATURAL. And frankly, it's not something I felt very compelled to do.
Had I given birth, I would have breastfed my child. But I couldn't, and I didn't. So I have to say I find it a little offensive that you're suggesting that I didn't do what's best for the child(ren) I love more than anything in the world. Going through infertility can shatter your self-identity and make you question your femininity. Additional failure and blame need not be heaped on top of that.
There are a number of things I will have to explain to my child--why his bmom couldn't raise him. Why we travelled halfway around the world to bring him home. Would I love him more if I have given birth to him, or do I regret that I didn't? Am I bothered that he doesn't look like me?Breastfeeding, I'll wager, won't even enter into the conversation.