Child Support/Birth Certificate Advice

kellymarie68

Hello!

So I have always been a Single Parent Board lurker.... this is the first time I am posting so I suppose I'll introduce myself. My pregnancy was a surprise (seems to be pretty common!) with a boyfriend I was with for only 6 or 7 months. I really thought that we were going to stay together but unfortunately some things just don't work out. He is very irresponsible and immature, he doesn't help with any of the bills, and he expects me to take care of him all the time. I am now 23 weeks and I guess my biggest concern is whether or not to put him on the birth certificate. I know the laws vary from state to state. I am in Arizona and I'm just wondering if anyone knows where I can get more information about whether or not to include him as the father on the birth certificate. I want to be able to get child support from him but I also worry that he won't be in my daughter's life very much and am unsure of whether or not she should carry her last name. Any advice would help! I am so scared and so unsure of my future with my baby. Hopefully this board will help provide some support and advice. TIA

mdotm0904

google is your friend. it might be tough to find (the laws for your state), but you can find it. Also you should seek a free consult with an attorney, because they'd know the laws in your state as well.Only you know what's best for you & your situation, so all i can do is share my experience.

I did NOT put her father on the birth certificate for a couple of reasons. We were fighting about custody while I was pregnant & couldn't come to an agreement, so i know we would have had to do mediation or court anyway. He has a history of taking his kids from their mom & then filing emergency court papers for custody. It was my fear that he'd do the same to me, so without him on the birth certificate, he wouldn't have been able to do that & it would buy me some time until we go to court for custody. At that time, I'd pay or do whatever to have him added to the birth certificate as the father. He wasn't happy about it, but I had to protect my LO & myself. in my state, if the father isn't on the birth certificate and you want to file for child support, the child support office just orders a paternity test.

As for having the last name, think about how meaningful/important it is for you. To a lot of my friends & family, it's no big deal to give the child the father's last name. In fact, it's customary, regardless of if he's a deadbeat or going to be involved or not. He's the dad. his last name. PERSONALLY, I hated growing up not having the same last name as my mom but having the same last name as my step-mom (who was married to my dad when I was born). I didn't want the same for my daughter, so I always knew that if I had a child, whether I was married or not, she'd carry my last name. And she does. Again, not something her dad was happy about, but his last name isn't any more important than mine. Also he's still legally married, so I'd be putting my daughter in the same situation that I was born into that I hated.

If you want to compromise on the name issue, you could always hyphenate. Or you could use one of you guys' last name as the second middle name so that both names are included. I was going to do the latter, but he walked out of the hospital before I had the opportunity to discuss it.  

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, educate yourself about your laws/rights, but try not to stress about it too much because until the baby gets here, everything is all talk anyway. Neither of you will feel the same way about anything once the baby gets here.

Good luck

hollyg1920

as a former single mom for 7 years here is my advice:

regardless if he is on the BC you can and should file for CS

give your LO your last name or yourlastname-hislastname if you want to include him...i made the mistake of giving DS his last name and he is a dead beat and now I get to be called by his last name by dr's and the school...DS is 9 and I am remarried and I asked if he wanted to change his last name and he has no interest right now (he calls my DH dad and does not know birth father)

No matter what you do it will not guarantee he will be in your LO's life....he has to make that choice

A baby will not change him, if he is immature now he will likely be immature after LO arrives

GL....this board has great women who have great advice

katconlin

I'm really glad you posted this...

This is my first time posting on this board (have been in November 2011 moms) but I have been lurking here for a while.  I am in a very similar situation to yours, and can share what I have learned and have decided to do.  BTW, I also live in Arizona.

My ex bf and I were together for about 9 months when I got pregnant, and obviously are not anymore.  He lives in NV, and claims that he wants to be involved with our daughter's life, but I'm not sure that this will really pan out.  He is also very irresponsible and immature, and I suspect that he will turn into a deadbeat.

For this reason, I have decided to not include his name on the birth certificate, and name my daughter with my last name.  Whether or not his name is on the BC has nothing to do with the last name tho... you can have him sign, and give LO your last name or even vice versa.  The reason I do not want him to sign is because I do not want to have to get his permission/signature for certain things in LO's life (like getting her into school or getting her a passport).  I want her to have my last name because everyone that is in her life will have my last name, besides her father (and who knows how much he will really be around.)

Furthermore, in AZ, you can still request CS even if he's not on the BC.. you will just have to get a paternity test.  I plan on pursuing this, and you should too.  

Sorry this is really long, but I hope it helps some! 

 

 

gy86

I live in Arizona too.  If he doesn't sign the acknowlegement of paternity at the hospital (i.e. name on birth certificate) then if you want to get child support later they'll do a paternity test as part of the court process.  When he establishes paternity (by whatever means) he has the right to A) visit and support his child.   

Your daughter won't have to take his last name if he signs.  (Example: my daughter has my last name, but her father is listed on the birth certificate.) 

I would recommend immediately filing for custody (both physical and legal) and setting up a structured visitation schedule, and file for child support as soon as she's born.  I was lazy and chose to just set up an informal agreement with my guy -- we don't cohabit, but we're not on bad terms; ugh it's complicated -- basically we split baby-related expenses and he occasionally takes her overnight or we'll hang out on the weekends together.  The problem with this though is I become his psuedo-accountant (more work for me), plus there are infinite other "costs" (like lack of sleep, having to gas up the car to drop off/pick up at daycare, taking time off work to bring the baby to the doctor, not having any solo me time, etc) far beyond what we pay for diapers and daycare, which I bear 100% of.   So I would say DON'T DO WHAT I DID; even if he wants to be involved in her life or you two are getting along, formalize those agreements from the start and adjust as needed.

FyreFlyeRush

In Texas, you can file for CS before the baby is born to lessen the wait time AFTER; it takes about 12-18 months here. Call your local Attorney General's office, or check their website. They can also answer a lot of the questions you just asked.

Birth Certificate - I am NOT putting my ex-bf on the BC, or letting him sign an Aknowlegmenet of Paternity, because if I do, he has the EXACT same rights as I do, and custody hasn't been established. This means, he can take the baby from me, and I can't do a dang thing about it. The police will stay out of it. (I've seen this happen.) He will be on the BC ONLY after we have gone through the Attorney General to establish Paternity, Custody, Visitation and Child Support.

Last name - Baby gets my last name. PERIOD. In most states, in a case where the parents aren't married, they won't just change the last name because the father wants it that way. However, becareful, because they pushed it on me with my first, and I didn't know I could say no.