How do you deal with the fear?

MrsMincks

I am sort of feeling a little stuck at the moment. On one hand, I would very much like to go through a natural birth, but I have all the usual fears that come with it. On the other hand, I know that I would be terrified if I used pain meds and couldn't feel part of my body (I am a survivor of SA so I am very sensitive to not being in control of that part of me). I feel like I would be so scared either way I chose to go about this. 

BFab11

I am afraid of the pain sometimes, but I know that it has a purpose and it will end. Having gone through a medicated, intervention-laden birth that resulted in tons of tearing and a really difficult recovery, the prospect of labor is less scary than going through that again. 

I will say, for me personally, I had to give up pretty much all control of my body. I couldn't feel anything, couldn't move my legs, and had doctors and nurses in and out of my business constantly and I couldn't tell what they were doing because I couldn't feel anything. You have to decide what your comfort level is. This time around I will be declining routine cervical checks during labor, and I'll only get them if I request it. At the end of the day, it's your body and your decision and just keep in mind that you have a say in everything and can say no if you're not comfortable with something. Good luck!

abell77

The power of positive thinking, and remembering that it is pain with a purpose.  What did women do before pain meds were available?  They did it and you can too.  I've done it twice now and would do it again.  Plus, reminding myself all of the benefits to myself and the baby helps too.  You can do it!

flyer23

Surround yourself with positive birth stories. I don't normally recommend this book, but Ina May's Guide to Childbirth has a bunch of birth stories that are not at all fearful.

The Hypnobabies blog is another good place to go: https://hypnobabies.wordpress.com/. The language may take some getting used to if you're not studying Hypnobabies, because Hypnobabies encourages the use of less negative terminology to describe birth. For example, contractions = pressure waves, or PWs. But that is precisely to remove some of the fear/negativity around childbirth, so it'll actually be good for you

FWIW, I'm not really fearful of birth... I respect that birth is a process that's ultimately out of my control and that it may not go as I wish, but I'm confident that if I prepare as I need to, both physically and mentally, that it will be a very positive experience regardless. I trust my body, I trust my support people (including my midwife), and that's all I need.

Kristine Schilling

abell77:

The power of positive thinking, and remembering that it is pain with a purpose.  What did women do before pain meds were available?  They did it and you can too.  I've done it twice now and would do it again.  Plus, reminding myself all of the benefits to myself and the baby helps too.  You can do it!

 

Me personally, i have been telling myself its going to be discomfort, trying to keep the word pain out of my brain. I learned some pretty awesome copeing skills from my therapist for anxiety and depression. Oddly enough, very similar to the self hypnosis stuff they teach.

Irisheyes1247

I think the thing that helped me most was just being flat out stubborn. I refused to leave the house until I felt ready because once I got to the hospital, I felt like the pressure and temptation would be greater. I just was flat out afraid of an epidural, and I think that was a good motivation. I definitely hit a place where I felt like i wasn't going to be able to keep it up much longer but generally that is when you are in transition and almost done anyhow. I just kept telling myself that my body was made for this and I might not consciously know what to do, but my body did. I also found it helpful and inspiring to read birth stories of med free births.  

Nechie122

It helped me to bring a doula on board who had had a natural birth with her son. During our prenatal visits, we discussed both the physical aspects of labor but also some of the emotional aspects -- like my fear that the pain of going natural would be overwhelming and my stronger fear that things would go awry and I'd end up with a c-section.

I used a birthing center in part because of a childhood phobia of hospitals. I was definitely more afraid of being tied to a bed and numb and that allowed me to persevere with the natural birth I wanted.  I just reminded myself that I'm stronger than I think I am and I would get through it, and it would be worth it for my daughter.

But birth can be unpredictable, so it's good to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario as well.  I considered talking to a therapist, and that might be an avenue to explore as well. 

star173

I have had a med free birth, and a nearly med-free one, and I still have fears about this one. Reading positive birth stories helps, as does reading birth affirmations. Also, if you can read up on hypnobirthing or hypnobabies, they have techniques to help you overcome your fears. Good luck!!

Irisheyes1247

I wanted to add one thing - while I was anticipating the arrival of LO, I was a ball of nerves and generally would have moments of panic at the thought of giving birth. It just seemed like a daunting task and kind of overwhelming. But once I was in the thick of it, I was SO ready and just running on adrenaline. I didn't stop and think about what I was doing, I was just doing what felt natural and what helped. So it is good to learn some relaxation techniques and don't fight it - that is something that worked for me.

aliska

I was comforted by the information from the birth books I read and the natural birth class offered by my birth center.  At every stage, I was able to recognize what was happening and remind myself that it was all normal.  Also, having a group of midwives who are "hands off".  They only did checks when I requested.  I was basically left alone.  During transition, I didn't even want my DH touchinig me...so it was great that I could be alone in the tub to do my thing.  I am so glald that I had a birth center birth.  I can't even imagine how I would have coped in a hospital.

MrsMincks

Thanks so much, ladies! I really appreciate all of the input! 

MimiFPH

I haven't done it yet (I'm on the March 2012 board too!), but one book that I found really inspiring was "Birthing From Within" by Pam England (https://tinyurl.com/73xbdmo - Amazon.com entry). It's a bit earthy crunchy, but she explains some ideas of how to explore what a mother might be feeling/expecting/dreading about birth, and how to maybe work through that and come to terms with/relax about it.

I found it to be very beautiful and inspiring. There are loads of personal stories and exercises to try too. Check it out if you're interested!

danztam

Pretty much what everyone has said here.  Its a place of your native self that you go to, to have a natural birth.  Its fearful to us as women because we are taught to believe that pain is something to be feared and needs to be fixed with medication! You have to know your own body and trust it!  Go with your feelings but try not to have too much anxiety surrounding this birth.  Women have been doing this since we came into existence and you are capable.  Empower yourself and repeat mantras in your head if you have to, that you can do it!  I found that accupuncture helped to relax me each week.  I started at 37 weeks with someone who was familiar with prenatal accupuncture and I fully believed it helped things to move quickly and less painfully.  Make a playlist of music that will help you find that inner being for labor and find a breathing technique to practice now, it will all come together!  Remember its temporary pain and all has a great outcome....a beautiful baby!