Curious why you would have just one...

mmmanders

I know there are several people here that have said that they think they will have just one child and/or that was their plan all along.  As an only child myself, I would NEVER want that for my child.  I have wonderful parents and I had an amazing and fortunate life, but not having that extremely special relationship with a sibling has really bothered me my entire life.  So, my question is, if you are physically able to have more children, why wouldn't you?  Are you yourself an only child or did you have a bad experience having siblings?  I'm honestly curious why you would choose to do that.  

S-Tuna

I should probably answer this when my kid hasn't been screaming all day

We are considering only one for a couple of reasons. My LO has medical issues that might be genetic. We also don't know how much care he will need as life progresses. If there is a possibility that we could have another child with his issues, I'm done being pregnant. If he ends up needing intensive care, I don't think it's fair to bring another person into this family. It's not fair to that person, to DS, or to ourselves. I would constantly feel guilty for not being able to give the same amount of attention to kid#2. Aside from the medical aspect of our decision, finances play a role. We can afford a second child, but we probably wouldn't be able to provide other opportunities for our family that we can now.

That said, I still think it is important for LO to develop close relationships with people his age. We are already providing DS with social experiences with babies and older kids. I have a sibling I am extremely close with, and I have siblings that I am not very close with. I have a best friend who is like a sister. I feel that two people aren't close just because they are siblings, and I wouldn't have a second child just to give the first a sibling. I don't think that just because you can have kids means you should have more than one. I think there is much more to consider when you're talking about bringing another human being into this world. 

AnnaRedhead

S-Tuna:

I should probably answer this when my kid hasn't been screaming all day

We are considering only one for a couple of reasons. My LO has medical issues that might be genetic. We also don't know how much care he will need as life progresses. If there is a possibility that we could have another child with his issues, I'm done being pregnant. If he ends up needing intensive care, I don't think it's fair to bring another person into this family. It's not fair to that person, to DS, or to ourselves. I would constantly feel guilty for not being able to give the same amount of attention to kid#2. Aside from the medical aspect of our decision, finances play a role. We can afford a second child, but we probably wouldn't be able to provide other opportunities for our family that we can now.

That said, I still think it is important for LO to develop close relationships with people his age. We are already providing DS with social experiences with babies and older kids. I have a sibling I am extremely close with, and I have siblings that I am not very close with. I have a best friend who is like a sister. I feel that two people aren't close just because they are siblings, and I wouldn't have a second child just to give the first a sibling. I don't think that just because you can have kids means you should have more than one. I think there is much more to consider when you're talking about bringing another human being into this world. 

I completely agree! I have an older sister that I'm not close with at all. I love her but she drives me CRAZY and we have zero in common. She lives in another state and we only see each other once a year at Christmas. We are on the fence about another child but if we do have another it's not for Colin to have a sibling...it would be bc WE want another.

Also not every only child grew up unhappy about it. My DH is an only child and loved it!!

mandyhall2882

I would say that money is the biggest issue with us having another baby. Having this one is breaking the bank. I don't think we could afford another one, even though I have lots of love to give to another baby

Cobra11

S-Tuna:

I should probably answer this when my kid hasn't been screaming all day

We are considering only one for a couple of reasons. My LO has medical issues that might be genetic. We also don't know how much care he will need as life progresses. If there is a possibility that we could have another child with his issues, I'm done being pregnant. If he ends up needing intensive care, I don't think it's fair to bring another person into this family. It's not fair to that person, to DS, or to ourselves. I would constantly feel guilty for not being able to give the same amount of attention to kid#2. Aside from the medical aspect of our decision, finances play a role. We can afford a second child, but we probably wouldn't be able to provide other opportunities for our family that we can now.

That said, I still think it is important for LO to develop close relationships with people his age. We are already providing DS with social experiences with babies and older kids. I have a sibling I am extremely close with, and I have siblings that I am not very close with. I have a best friend who is like a sister. I feel that two people aren't close just because they are siblings, and I wouldn't have a second child just to give the first a sibling. I don't think that just because you can have kids means you should have more than one. I think there is much more to consider when you're talking about bringing another human being into this world. 

You said this a lot nicer than I would have lol. I find this to be a really rude question.

VESmith25

My mother says that she has two 'only children' b/c my brother and I are 15 years apart. By the time I was old enough to remember anything he had already left home. It has never bothered me at all that I didn't grow up with siblings.

I would be perfectly happy with one child but I know my husband would really like two. Right now we're undecided. I'll fully admit the reasons I only want one are selfish. I not excited to go through pregnancy again and children are expensive. My lifestyle is basically the same with one child as it was before children but two would probably mean things would change. 

LadyLissame

Right now, the plan is just one. Because I am getting divorced. 

That being said, if I find another guy who I love enough to try marriage again... then I will probably go for one more 

lo5274

:

Kids are expensive, messy and challenging. I don't feel the need to give my daughter a sibling. That might sound selfish, but so is having children. Each new person we create uses up resources.

 

I don't believe you couldn't think of any of these reasons on your own, so I'll just assume you're being judgmental. 

AnnaRedhead

lo5274:

:

Kids are expensive, messy and challenging. I don't feel the need to give my daughter a sibling. That might sound selfish, but so is having children. Each new person we create uses up resources.

 

I don't believe you couldn't think of any of these reasons on your own, so I'll just assume you're being judgmental. 

I agree with this as well!!

JaysonandKristin

AnnaRedhead:

lo5274:

:

Kids are expensive, messy and challenging. I don't feel the need to give my daughter a sibling. That might sound selfish, but so is having children. Each new person we create uses up resources.

 

I don't believe you couldn't think of any of these reasons on your own, so I'll just assume you're being judgmental. 

I agree with this as well!!

I disagree.  When I think of my kids, the last things I think of are the negative things.  I just don't have that kind of perspective.   

NotSharknado

lo5274:

:

Kids are expensive, messy and challenging. I don't feel the need to give my daughter a sibling. That might sound selfish, but so is having children. Each new person we create uses up resources.

 

I don't believe you couldn't think of any of these reasons on your own, so I'll just assume you're being judgmental. 

Like.

GLGB

JaysonandKristin:

AnnaRedhead:

lo5274:

:

Kids are expensive, messy and challenging. I don't feel the need to give my daughter a sibling. That might sound selfish, but so is having children. Each new person we create uses up resources.

 

I don't believe you couldn't think of any of these reasons on your own, so I'll just assume you're being judgmental. 

I agree with this as well!!

I disagree.  When I think of my kids, the last things I think of are the negative things.  I just don't have that kind of perspective.   

I agree with this. 

I really don't think she was trying to be rude.  Some people just think about things differently.  Personally, I want a big family but I thought the the answers to this question were interesting.   

ambicklion

mmmanders:

I know there are several people here that have said that they think they will have just one child and/or that was their plan all along.  As an only child myself, I would NEVER want that for my child.  I have wonderful parents and I had an amazing and fortunate life, but not having that extremely special relationship with a sibling has really bothered me my entire life.  So, my question is, if you are physically able to have more children, why wouldn't you?  Are you yourself an only child or did you have a bad experience having siblings?  I'm honestly curious why you would choose to do that.  

We are still undecided but as a pp said, just because you have a sibling doesn't mean there is a bond. I have two sisters, they are half sisters but still siblings. The one i share with my mom tried to kill me when I was a child, twice, by pushing me in a pool when I couldn't swim. She had a child of her own at that time. She is older and had a child at 17, I was 6. She is no longer part of our family for more reasons than what I have mentioned. The one I share with my father is older as well and we just don't know each other. We have Skyped twice since my LO was born but do not talk with any regularity and have not seen each other in person in almost 10 yrs. Lovey Dovey siblings are over-rated. I have girlfriends that are more blood than my real blood. *excuse errors, on handheld.

JES0724

I keep going back and forth. I have always wanted a big family. I love kids and have known since I was real young that I was born to be a mother, I want 2 or 3 kids. 

But at the same time since Oliver was born I have wondered a handful of times if maybe he should be my only one. I hated pregnancy so there's a slight selfish reason not to have another but the main reason is money. We are so poor we are constantly in fear of being evicted and having no money and nothing to give O when he is older. I hate him having to go through this, I never want to put another child through it as well.

Also, my mother has always very obviously favored my brother. She tells me now about it, and my father told me once when I was little that he loved me more than anyone--my mom or my brother--and I was not to tell anyone. Both of these things have been something that has disturbed me throughout my life. I don't want my child(children) to go through the same thing. I know my parents love me but it's almost as if they can't help but care about one more than the other, I don't want to do the same thing to my child.

And I don't think you were being judgmental or rude. I think you worded the question poorly to where it came off a little rude but I think you were just genuinely curious. I understand not getting other's intentions and reasons behind actions when it is so different from what you have always wanted. I'm sure you never imagined any other choice other than having multiple kids.  

kroftygal

Our reason for only possibly having one child is medical related. Both my husband and I are carriers of cystic fibrosis so our baby would have a 1 and 4 chance of being a carrier of CF or having it. It is a huge risk and one I am not sure we are willing to take. Our beautiful DD is healthy and not even a carrier so our concern is our second one would stand the chance or have some other medical issue. I know we cannot live our life in fear but at the same time, it would be a hard life for everyone. I also have high anxiety with this baby and not sure I can go through the first 3 months again. It was really hard for me but everyone says your mind changes after 1 year. So, we will see...

 Either way, I respect everyone's decision. I totally could not imagine having more than 2 kids.. Maybe I am not patient enough - I don't know but it sounds like the hardest thing in the world right now.  

unm00red

I would love to have a second child. However, I'm currently 42 and LO was conceived after multiple years of infertility treatment. In addition DP already has a 14-year-old son. I give him lots of credit for being willing to start the parenting clock over with me when there's other things he'd like to do once he's got our children to adulthood. I'd feel pretty selfish asking for #3.

However, we haven't totally ruled out the idea, either. We've also given some thought to possibly adopting an older child who might have difficulty finding a family. 

Misty001

Unless we have an oppsss I am one and done!!

I had a horrible relationship with my sister; she ended up passing away when she was 15. It was really hard for me to have Owyn as seeing what my parents went through weighed on my mind constantly. Owyn was determained to arrive though and we are both overjoyed to have him in our lives and couldn't imagine a life w/o him now. I would not choose to bring another child into our family because of all the fighting with my sister and I. Also dh has two older sisters and the relationship that they have is not healthy either. He has 5 cousins that live with in 5min of us so I don't think he'll miss out on that type of relationship.

Matt Dvorak

I'm the oldest of five - life isn't always a picnic with siblings. I have to ignore their life situations sometimes so that I don't get overly stressed! If they all could adequately support themselves I'd be a much happier person!

 To add: (I hit post b/c I got distracted before I could finish)

I think that it is important to make sure that you are ready for more than one kids. I feel that I did quite well in a large family as the oldest, but that my youngest siblings could have done better in life had they been treated more like adults (as I was), and had they been given more attention and energy. Personally, I see how much time and effort I put into my LO and I know that if I had a second that I couldn't match that, and that my DS would also suffer. I work full time and my family lives out of state - so we're on our own out here.

I want to focus my attention on our one son - including making sure he gains relationships with other kids through daycare, visits with cousins, outings with our friends who have kids and eventually letting him have his friends over frequently to strengthen those relationships. I also think our DS will enjoy the fact that we plan to take him traveling with us (already we've mentioned taking him to Hawaii as a toddler b/c I think it would be a great place for small kids), and that he won't be held back financially from attending the college of his choice and won't have to deal with crazy loans in order to do so. 

From what I've heard - some people love their baby so much that they want more. Others of us love our baby so much that we feel he/she is enough for us. Both types of parents love their children and want what is best for them. 

bradandkatie

I'm late to this one...but I wanted to weight in. I don't think your question is rude at all! I actually was a no children person but my husband convinced me and while I love it, and I really do, I am doing about 98% of the work and it is exhausting. I am a SAHM because my job was ended and we decided to have me focus on the baby rather than the long and probably not fruitful job hunt. It is okay, but I just don't know about raising two children. I do love my brother and siblings I think are a great way to learn to share and grow, as are having other children regardless of being blood related, but I also know I want to be a great mother and like someone else said...my own mother actually loves my brother more (wow that sounds snotty) and I always feel like I am second best.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha

lincolngirl:

From what I've heard - some people love their baby so much that they want more. Others of us love our baby so much that we feel he/she is enough for us. Both types of parents love their children and want what is best for them. 

I couldn't agree more with this. 

Shaynnon

I'll weigh in because we always knew we'd be one and done - I even had a tubal as soon as I could after DD was born

We both think we have an absolutely perfect little girl, and she is enough for us.

I'm selfish.  DH is selfish.  We love to travel, we love nice things, we both love fashion and spending money freely. That is before my desire to go to med school which is going to be hard enough with one child. 

We never want to use daycare, and daycare is expensive.  We want to be the one raising our daughter.  I respect families that have multiple children, but I judge people who have 3+ kids and then drop them somewhere else to spend 8+ hours of their day being raised by someone else.

FWIW: My father was an only child, and was pretty unhappy about us choosing to make DD an only child.  I did have a sister growing up - and we HATED each other until recently. We simply did not get along to no fault of our wonderful parents. That "extremely special" relationship you feel you missed out on - I did too and I have a sister.  It is not always sharing toys and having a constant playmate.

mmmanders

I'm sorry I'm so late to respond to all that responded.  Thank you all for being so honest with your answers. I by no means meant to seem judgemental or rude at all.  In life, I find it interesting what gives people such strong but opposite view points.  And yes, I realize that just because you have a sibling, it might not be ideal.  I would at least like to give my son the chance to have a good one.  But as usual, you always want what you can't have.  Thanks!