S/O "No one wants to be without their kids on a holiday."..vent
Ginlyn0
member
Today is Thanksgiving. We don't have our older kids because it is their other parents' holiday. It is also our Thanksgiving to spend with DH's family. So it's just me, DH, DS and....my nephew. That's right, my nephew gets to spend Thanksgiving with my ILs.
I know that I've ranted before about my brother and his FI but here is a brief backstory. My brother has 4 kids. 3 are with my SIL (note I said SIL, not ex-SIL, even though they have been split for almost 6 years) and 1 with his FI (yet again-who is engaged while still married) who is currently pregnant with his 5th child. Now we all know I am not against big families who can support all their children. I mean, DH and I have 5 kids...well 6 if you count my nephew.
So 2 weeks ago, we told DN (let's call that dear nephew to make this easier) to call his dad and find out what his plans were for Thanksgiving as it was our Thanksgiving with DH's family. He was told they were probably going out of town (1 hour away) to my brother's FI's aunt's house and they wouldn't have room for him in the car. Note: my brother has a 5 seat car even though he has 6 people in his family now with another on the way. So we told DN to find out what his mom was doing, but we knew that would probably be a lost cause because his mom is about a thousand time flakier than my brother (the woman moved across the county 5 years ago and went 2 years without talking to the kids and telling them goodbye but she moved back about a year ago.) Of course, she said she was working (Walmart) and then wasn't planning on having Thanksgiving dinner anywhere- I find this hard to believe because she works the overnight and I know that she is going to eat something for lunch.
Meanwhile, I see on FB that my brother's FI commented on some woman's post saying "Aunt So-and-So, where are we going Thanksgiving" to which the woman replied "your mom's house because her kitchen is bigger than mine." Her mother lives in the city my brother lives in- 10 minutes from us.....I know this for a fact because 6 months ago, my brother and his FI were living with them when they got evicted from their apt for nonpayment. We had DN ask again last week just to make sure, they stated again they are going out of town and won't have room for him in the car...I decided not to confront my brother on this because it's "just Thanksgiving" however, now I am wondering how Christmas will go down.
My nephew now is not spending Thanksgiving with his mom's family or his dad's family. Just us and DH's family....and today on FB I read that last night my brother posted some crap about how he knows Thanksgiving is tomorrow and all but he's more excited about next Monday when they get to find out what #5 is.
I am so tired of them shafting the older kids. The older 2 boys get it the most. My youngest nephew (6 years old) gets it less because my brother's FI has raised him since 4 months, however he is getting the shaft more and more now that they are having more babies. Example: my youngest nephew has never had a birthday party bigger than cupcakes at their house with family.
This year is my niece's 2nd bday at the beginning of December. My youngest nephew's birthday is the beginning of January. They are now having a big birthday party at one of those jumping places for my niece and saying it's also for youngest nephew on the weekend of my neice's birthday in December. They are also waiting to reveal the newest baby's gender on that day. So who is going to be outshined.....my youngest nephew. To top it off, it irritates me that they don't support my DN that lives with us at all and they are on Food Stamps, Section 8 housing, Medicaid and yet they are having a party like that.
So who wants to bet that my nephew is at my house on Christmas Eve and Christmas as well, because they don't have room for him in the car......
Also I wonder where my 2nd oldest nephew will sit in the car once the new baby is born.
Re: S/O "No one wants to be without their kids on a holiday."..vent
Wow. Your post made me so sad.
Your nephew is lucky to have YOU and DH in his life!
Like my mom says "You can't fix stupid". But it sounds like you do just fine making up for it.
Good for you and your DH for including your nephew in your plans and making him a priority in your lives.
What would happen if you flat out called him out, like PM on FB saying that you know he was not out of town and lied to his son and that he is a horrible POS for not even seeing his son on the holidays and that he has no business having another child when he is such a horrible excuse as a father today!
I am sure that would not go over well but man I wish I could send it for you.
You are definitley an amazing person for caring about you DN so much. I hope he has a kick a** Christmas with the people who truely care about him. Spoil the crap out of him, he has earned it.
Poor thing.
Oh DH would love for me to do that. If I called him out, though, I am sure he would deny it and say that the plans changed since the comment I saw or start saying how he sucks at life. Really, I know in my heart that he is mentally ill though which is why I tend to not confront him. Just a month and a half ago, my mom told me that he was told by a doctor that he needs to see a psychiatrist because they suspect bipolar, which I think is probably true. He doesn't have insurance since he doesn't have a job so he is dealing with the county for medical. I try to keep that in mind, but it's infuriating that he acts like this. I mean this is my brother that is 6 years older than me. I used to look up to him and now I am having to "fix" his mistakes.
I seriously hope this is their last kid, but for some reason I highly doubt it. His FI is young (14 years younger than him) and she is the one wanting more kids, but she is really naive. I mean my brother has not held a job in the 6 years since they have been together for more than 3 months who in their right mind stays with a married man with a bunch of kids that doesn't work and keeps having more kids with him. I like her, but I just don't understand them at all. It's becoming increasingly harder for me to be in this situation because I can see my nephew's hurt that they obviously don't see. I have to do this for him though because if I don't no one will.
I really appreciate being able to vent to you ladies about this.
I am so sad for your DN. :-(
He is SO lucky to have you and YH in his life. Are your ILs at least welcoming to him? My family is providing a Xmas gift for my FSD at our family Xmas party to make her feel included.
Can YOU throw him the parties and make sure that all parties that are given don't outshine him, if it's his birthday or whatever as well. What about YOU guys driving him to Turkey Day dinner so he can spend time with HIS family? Would that even be a possibility?
Can you guys formally adopt him? Would your brother and FI (who raised him, right?( and BM be OK with that? That would at least show him SOMEONE cares about him SO MUCH. Your caring and empathy warms my heart and I will keep your DN in my thoughts.