OB being judgmental

lijuan09

My new OB just pissed me off royally.  I had to change doctors because we moved, so I've seen this new OB a grand total of two times.

Today, after I had already spent 45 minutes undressed in a room waiting for her to show up, she and I got into a conversation.  She asked if DH and I were interested in the childbirth classes that she mentioned last time.  DH and I had discussed this and decided that we would not pay the $50 to attend the class when most of the information could be found for free online.  We are in a tough spot right now and feel that $50 would be much better spent on diapers or supplies for the baby.

The way this came out of my mouth to the OB was, "we can't really afford it right now."  She balked.  "You can't afford 50 dollars?  You're having a baby!  Your husband just got a job! Did you plan for this baby?"  Her tone was the most judgmental I have heard out of anyone for a long time.  

I changed the subject out of pure social training.  What I wanted to say was, "DON'T JUDGE ME. DELIVER MY BABY." And more - like "sorry, we're not all doctors, and 50 dollars is a lot of money for some people."

She's lucky she didn't pull that kind of sh!t at the previous appointment when DH was there.  He might not have kept his mouth shut.

BugsMommy2be

You are a better person than I am, I would have said something to her. Some people just don?t get it, and that includes doctors. $50 is a lot of money that can be used on something more important than sitting on the floor learning how to breathe when in reality it?s going to all go out the window when it actually comes to your delivery.  

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DiademChi

I can see that the OB needed to word that better, but I'm sure it's just her training to look out for babies that made her speak up -- he/she is obligated to report any warning signs to social services.  So if a patient has housing trouble or seems in any way unable to afford to raise a child, he/she has to ask and find out in order to get the proper resources and safety nets for the child in place.

I also think most childbirth classes are a waste of time unless you want the emotional support from a group of people.  Free independent research at the local library is just as effective in most cases. 

indomesticbliss

Not good... I would have called her out about it, your money your business. I'm mildly infamous for the "I'm sorry, I didn't know my finances/personal life/etc... were your business" line. I have a low tollerance for judemental people and nosey nellies.

indomesticbliss

DiademChi:

I can see that the OB needed to word that better, but I'm sure it's just her training to look out for babies that made her speak up -- he/she is obligated to report any warning signs to social services.  So if a patient has housing trouble or seems in any way unable to afford to raise a child, he/she has to ask and find out in order to get the proper resources and safety nets for the child in place.

Training would be asking the patient "Is it something you would like to take?" and helping someone find the resources to afford the class-schollarships, assistance, etc... and then opening up the discussion to resources available to help out low income expecting parents.

Rudeness is saying "Did you plan for the baby?!"

ar52kortlang

O WOW!! With my preggers hormones, I would prolly have punched her in the face, LOL!!! That is extremly rude! You should have told her after that comment if she wants you to take the classes she better pay for you to attend, or else you are finding a NEW OB!! I wouldn't be going back to her, no way in hell!

Ricola

She was probably scared that you won't be able to pay her for her "services" and leave the bill unpaid.

CamJack mom

DiademChi:

I can see that the OB needed to word that better, but I'm sure it's just her training to look out for babies that made her speak up -- he/she is obligated to report any warning signs to social services.  So if a patient has housing trouble or seems in any way unable to afford to raise a child, he/she has to ask and find out in order to get the proper resources and safety nets for the child in place.

I also think most childbirth classes are a waste of time unless you want the emotional support from a group of people.  Free independent research at the local library is just as effective in most cases. 

I disagree wholeheartedly. She didn't ask if $50 was a struggle, she wasn't offering services, or baby products for $50, she was offering a class that she is probably getting a "Cut" from. Her behavior, was rude, disrespectful and I would absolutely be livid. I probably would not allow that OB to deliver my baby simply based on the fact her presence would cause me stress in the delivery room.

TauntyCupcake

This seems like something that should be on https://myobsaidwhat.com/ 

For the record, I agree that you did respond in the most mature of ways. . . however I would have had my few choice words with this woman. It's not any of her business if you planned the baby or not- her job is to make sure you guys are healthy and that the baby gets here safe and sound- not judge you for not wanting to spend $50 on some class that is going to 'teach' you things you probably already know, and what you don't know can find out for free, and will be gone over again at the hospital while you are in labor!! Some people just amaze me.

kylayton

DiademChi:

I can see that the OB needed to word that better, but I'm sure it's just her training to look out for babies that made her speak up -- he/she is obligated to report any warning signs to social services.  So if a patient has housing trouble or seems in any way unable to afford to raise a child, he/she has to ask and find out in order to get the proper resources and safety nets for the child in place.

I also think most childbirth classes are a waste of time unless you want the emotional support from a group of people.  Free independent research at the local library is just as effective in most cases. 

I disagree.  Not wanting to spend $50 on a birthing class is not a warning sign to contact social services.  She was totally being judgmental and not using her training to look out for the baby.  A lot of people don't want to spend $50 on a birthing class, regardless of income.

DaisyKD

oh wow I would have been livid.  $50 is $50 and where you choose to spend it is your own business.

She probably gets some sort of reimbursement for people that sign up for the class.

Sorry you had to deal with that and good job handling it it sounds like you kept your cool.

Happily Overwhelmed

I agree with PP...You're a better person than I am. I would have lost it and ripped her a new one!

I normally let things slide but that's beyond rude, unprofessional, and NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS!

If she has anyone over her in the office I would be contacting them telling them how you were treated.

BostonGayGal

1) She was out of line.

2) She is a mandated reporter of suspected abuse, not people who don't want to take a class.

3) I sincerely doubt doctors get 'kickbacks' from people taking classes.  

spacedolphin11

Anyone who asks "did you plan for this baby?" is a complete jacka** in my opinion, but ESPECIALLY if it's your doctor. I agree with the PP who said this belongs on myobsaidwhat.com!

brandnewmommy103

Do not let anyone make you feel bad about not wanting to spend 50 dollars on something you feel is pointless. It IS a lot of money when you are expecting a baby, and since you are the parent, you decide how to spend YOUR money not a dr or anyone else. (Sorry the social services comment was a little uncalled for IMO.)

EvenAngelsFall

kylayton:

DiademChi:

I can see that the OB needed to word that better, but I'm sure it's just her training to look out for babies that made her speak up -- he/she is obligated to report any warning signs to social services.  So if a patient has housing trouble or seems in any way unable to afford to raise a child, he/she has to ask and find out in order to get the proper resources and safety nets for the child in place.

I also think most childbirth classes are a waste of time unless you want the emotional support from a group of people.  Free independent research at the local library is just as effective in most cases. 

I disagree.  Not wanting to spend $50 on a birthing class is not a warning sign to contact social services.  She was totally being judgmental and not using her training to look out for the baby.  A lot of people don't want to spend $50 on a birthing class, regardless of income.

Definitely!!!! All she is obligated to report by law are signs of abuse. Whether or not someone can afford to raise the baby they made is none of her, or social services, business.... unless apparent neglect is resulting. 

alkinney

What a b1tch. I would change docs.  Sorry you had to hear that from a "professional". She obviously needs some additional training in ppl skills.