TMI Super Upset...Ruined IUI? (Long)

ycristina84

Hi Ladies! I am mostly a lurker, but I introduced myself a few months ago when I was diagnosed with stage IV Endo. You guys were very helpful and supportive and I feel I need that today! TIA for any responses.

I had my first IUI on Friday and another on Saturday. When I went in on Saturday morning they said that I had ovulated one big follie and there was a 28 one ready to go any minute. So, they told me to have sex last night and this morning and as much as we can in between. He literally told me to "crop dust with sperm". Lol.

Anyways, sex is seriously the last thing on my mind these days. I don't think I could possible want it less. Is this normal for you ladies too? I just feel like I'm poked and prodded almost every day, having things rammed up my privates while people watch, and the thought of one more thing being put inside me is literally causing me anxiety! It also hurts because I had a laparoscopy/hysteroscopy 7 weeks ago.It took us 3 tries to have sex last night because I was so unenthusiastic and my husband was stressed because he felt pressured to deliver. This morning, same story, except we started arguing (because he was taking too long) and then stopped. We haven't had sex all day..

I feel like the worst wife in the world, I feel like I ruined the IUI and if it doesn't work it's our fault, and I feel all around like a huge failure at life. DH is very supportive and told me he understands, but he also told me that I was being insensitive to how this felt for him and that I was being very "mean" by wanting to get sex over with like it was a chore. I apologized, but at the same time, I feel like I am the one going through all this crap and all he has to do is spend 5 minutes...He gets an orgasm out of it, so how hard is that?! So I guess I'm horrible because I don't feel all that bad for him... 

Please tell me how you ladies do it. I don't know how I can make this not feel like a job when it's so unappealing to me at the moment. Do you think we ruined our chances by not doing it this morning? Does IF affect your sex life, or am I just plain CRAZY?! I hope this isn't inappropriate to discuss, but after crying about it half the day, I just want to hear other people's experiences/suggestions/advice...I hope to start posting more often and getting to know you all! 

 

lhcooper

OMG, I could have written this, back when I was doing IUIs.  Please know that you are NOT the worst wife in the world and that so, so many of us have felt like this.  There is nothing unsexier than having to do it on command, for either party. We have had lots of tears and, um, an inability to finish around here.  And some Viagra, too (just a suggestion in case you have to do more IUIs which I hope you don't).

But, if this will make you feel better: you did NOT ruin your IUI.  The sex is a back-up; remember, very, very few sperm make it all the way up there from doing it the old-fashioned way.  Even if you had sex a gazillion times, the IUI would still be your best chance at getting pregnant (i.e., several million little guys instead of just a few thousand or less!).  It doesn't feel like that in the moment, I know--it feels like, if you don't have sex, it definitely won't happen for you.  But this is NOT true!!!

 

Reilly626

This is so stressful. No you arent alone.

davidandheather

Yep, I could have written that too. I am also an endo girl. Our hormones were a wreck before this even began. Now they are in all out war inside us. DH also got some viagra to help him. We use lube too. I've read this hurts chances of conceiving but I found pre-seed lubricant at the pharmacy which does not hurt chances. I've also heard of women using egg whites...seriously. For me, I had to do whatever I could to relax beforehand so it did not feel like a chore but more a fun event or date. Hot bath, glass of wine or cup of tea, special perfume I use only for BIO, silky nightie, talking about what we liked and did not like when we were not in the moment but at lunch or something. All those things really do help. For us, we were told to hold off on sex before the IUI so DH's collection would be strong enough. He has issues with volume and count so needed a buildup of sorts. So -plowing the fields- or whatever your for certain male RE said may not always be the case. (((hugs))) It does get better.

lovebug33

I understand how you feel. We can't do IUI, we are doing IVF, but we haven't had sex in forever because I am tired of the same things you have said. I don't think our men get it and how awful this whole things is. I hope it gets better for you and you get a miracle out of this whole awful process!

eponine7682

I agree with pps. You are definitely not alone. This is half the reason why IF is such a b!tch. It not only prevents us from having the one thing we want most, but it screws with our sex life which then impacts our marriage. Many hugs hun. I don't have much advice, but I hope it gets better!

ycristina84

Thank you, all! It's so nice to know I am not alone. I guess the bottom line is...IF sucks to the max!