I met our future birthmother!!!

smith486

We finally met last night. She is wonderful and my DH agrees with me that she is NOT going to change her mind. It is like she made the decision, so now it is happening no matter what. She is very sure of herself and her decision, despite negative family perceptions of adoption around her.

I am only a bit concerned about the baby's biological dad. He spent our meeting outside in his car crying. He couldn't emotionally handle being there. The BM says that he knows adoption is the best choice but he is having a hard time with it. 

I don't think he would sign TPR before the baby is born and I know he doesn't have the means to contest in court. Has anyone had experience with a hesitant birth father? Isn't it possible to serve him with paperwork and he either has to sign TPR or contest the adoption within 30 days, or else his rights are terminated? I am not sure where I heard that or if it is even true. Any thoughts?

Dr.Loretta

Congrats on meeting the e-mom. Sending T&P for the dad. That must be so hard.

From my experience every state is different in terms of how TPR is handled. DD's BF refused to sign any paperwork or anything. The lawyer had a couple of options to go with in that situation, and we ended up having TPR declared 6 months after she was born.

kekis

How awesome that you finally got to meet and everything went well with her.  Sorry to hear about the BF.  So often people think of it only being difficult on the BM.  Not sure about TPR in your area, but I hope it all works out for the best.

militarywife2b

How exciting meeting the emom in person I still have not met ours face to face yet. We are waiting till my DH returns from his deployment so she can meet both of us at the same time. So far in our situation I have spoken to the emom I have yet to talk to the BF from what I am told he wants no parts of the baby.

CaptainSerious

I'm glad the meeting went well with the birthmom.  I'm sorry the dad is having a hard time.  Do you think it would help if you were able to talk to him and/or assure him that you'd be open to visits, etc?

ferdiebear

We live in Indiana and what you said is the law here. We are adopting our grandson when he is born so our attorney sent the father (who is 18) the letter, because his parents were trying to get us to pay for the paternity test and wait until after the baby was born to do it prolonging everything, even though the father didn't want to be a part of the baby's life either way. When he didn't contest it within 30 days it was like he signed his rights away for forever. 

Check your state laws, if you have an adoption counselor or service they should know.