How did you know?
I'm in a very dark spot and was just wondering if you ladies could help me internalize a bit more. Some days I think ok I'm done I'm on board with child free. It's not what I pictured but dh and I will be ok. Other days I'm so overcome with sadness I think ok I'll try one more time. We have one Ivf left with our insurance and I know how difficult they are medically for me but feel I'll regret not trying. I'm not sure how I feel about adoption but financially without a miracle I doubt we can ever do that. I'm sick of living in this holding pattern and need to find some peace.
This whole journey has been emotional and stressful. The strength shown by you ladies amazes and inspires me. I know this board isn't high traffic but I glad it exists as an outlet for people who need it.
I feel soon I will be joining you ladies and hope I haven't offended anyone by posting here at this point in our journey.
Thanks for listening and hugs to all!
TTC since 12/06, PCOS w/ Endo & MFI - 3 Laps - 3 IVF's - 1 FET - 1 ectopic - 1 c/p - gearing up for IVF#4
My Fav Thing about Spring is Easter Candy!
Re: How did you know?
Gah, I completely forgot to ask. How did you know your journey was complete? Did you decide or did an outside factor help? And how did you begin to embrace this life and hopefully find some peace.
I know these are personal decisions and I hope I am not upsetting anyone by bringing up these painful ( and nosy) questions.
TTC since 12/06, PCOS w/ Endo & MFI - 3 Laps - 3 IVF's - 1 FET - 1 ectopic - 1 c/p - gearing up for IVF#4
My Fav Thing about Spring is Easter Candy!
Girl...I am EXACTLY in the same place as you. However you are so fortunate to have insurance coverage for IVF. I do not, so we had to stop at IUI. We cannot afford anything else. It SUCKS! In my opinion you are doing the right thing by trying one more time. It can't hurt. But either way you will find peace. It is so hard to imagine your life differently. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I cannot tell you how much I understand.
A little advice...
Don't let outside factors dictate your next move. YOU will know when it is time to stop. In your heart, you will know when you have had enough. Listen to yourself. Let me give you an example of what I mean. We endured 2 IUI's. Many women go on to have 4-5 IUI's. It is not too expensive and manageable. I get that. But for me...two was enough. The procedure is not easy for me (I have a very uncooperative cervix and V canal) and the hormones and stress have made me gain 20 or so pounds. Emotionally I was hanging on by a thread. We had been trying for 2 years. Sure...I could go on to do another IUI. Maybe more. However, I needed to just let go. I had lost sight of everything else that I loved. Teaching, fashion,(yes...comfy pants have/had become my BFF), art, and even myself. I NEEDED TO STOP. Two weeks have passed since the last failed IUI and many people are so upset with me. His parents think we haven't tried hard enough. Friends say the same. Not having their FULL support is hard. It makes me angry. However, they do not understand what this is like. SO they can be mad but it is my chioce. IT IS YOUR CHOICE. You are the only one who knows how this feels (for you). Therefore you must listen to your heart and do what is best for you. No matter what others, society or anything else says. Then and only then will you find peace.
I hope this helps. I hope even more that you will not have to return here. Who knows. Perhaps I will not be here forever as well. Either by my own choices or fate.
Big hugs to you.
Like the previous poster stated, we just knew it was time to stop.
DH and I had agreed to try at least 1 cycle of IVF, even though we would have to pay out of pocket and it would be a big hit financially. When we found out I would not be able to have a baby with my own eggs or carry a baby w/o more surgery, we decided we would stop. We wouldn't have been able to afford a surrogate with a DE.
We grieved. Hard. But then we felt relieved. Relieved that we were off the IF roller coaster. We didn't wonder anymore how long we'd be TTC. We had our answer, we were done. It was a relief emotionally. Physically, I was relieved at no more painful tests, procedures and surgeries.
I know you're in a tough place, I wish you well.
Here's my advice based only on my personal journey. What works for you may be different.
First - don't confuse sadness with making the wrong call. I don't think I'll ever experience a holiday season without some lingering sadness. When my friends are sending their kids to their first day of school, I'll feel left out and heartbroken - but it doesn't mean we didn't make the right call.
Our final round of IVF was honestly only for our peace of mind. We had pretty clear data that told us we'd never have a chrom. normal child. However, we wanted to do one last round and throw everything at it. To us it wasn't even about getting a baby (though of course that would have been a dream) but about getting peace of mind.
The way we saw it, 10 years from now we knew we'd need to be able to say we did EVERYTHING humanly possible and then some. I probably should also mention insurance covered most of our costs so we only spent about $2,000 on that final round.
As some of the other posters mentioned, I just knew in my heart it was time to stop. I had always been ready to cycle again as soon as possible, but after my m/c, something changed for me. I just couldn't try anymore. I don't really know how to explain it, but I felt different. DH had already been ready to stop trying. I did see a therapist a few times to talk through our decision to stop treatments and make sure that we weren't going to have regrets later on. I do still have moments of sadness, but for the most part, I feel relieved and happy to be living my life again.
Good luck if you decide to try another round of IVF!
Hi Kate, I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time. I don't know if you are checking back on this post and I'm not here often but I wanted to add my experience. You've gotten really good advice so far.
We were OOP for all our treatments so there were a variety of factors that played into our decision - finances being one of the big ones. There was just a time that I knew I was done. I was exhausted of my every thought being consumed by IF. I was tired of being sad and living that way. It was such a hard and sad decision that I struggled with for a long time. But, it was a huge relief when we finally made the decision. I don't regret it and while I think I'll always be a bit sad about living CF I can honestly say that my DH and I have embraced our lives as they are. We have so much and I try to focus on that.
Best of luck to you!!