i'm breaking down (vent)

MelissaMiso

After a series of negative occurrences, included but not limited to:

having a job offer rescinded while already resigned from previous job in order to start the new job

having our house robbed blind while we were evacuated from town due to hurricane Irene

sending out resume after resume to no avail

having the office I was renting taken away bc they gave the office to a friend

having to borrow a lot of money from relatives in order to pay the mortgage and other bills

There is no money for Christmas this year.

This morning, I sent out my resume to yet another job posting. I don't know how how people are handling being unemployed for years. I've only been out of work for a few months and it has really knocked down my self-worth especially bc I have never had problems finding work (yes, I know the economy has tons to do with this but it still makes me crestfallen).

To top it off, a dog that I wanted to rescue a while back that had been adopted is back at the rescue group bc the people that adopted him totally neglected him. When they seized him, he was locked in a closet and lost about half his weight. If I had the financial means, I'd take him into my family in a heartbeat...but I can't.

I think I've finally reached my breaking point. Stress after stress, all while pregnant with our first child, has taken its toll! Normally, I can hold it together and I usually stuff things down and put on a happy face when needed. It's not working right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and have so much to be grateful for but I'm overwhelmed.

As a therapist, I'm accustomed  to listening to others and helping them figure out their problems but now I'm the one in need. My husband, who is a wonderful and loving man, doesn't really do well when I'm losing it. I know he cares but his anxiety gets triggered when I'm struggling. I would love to find a therapist of my own, but I cannot afford the 40 dollar copay. I have other people in my life I can confide in, but right now I just feel the need to isolate (not the best thing for depression) and find ways to recharge. This all sucks and I know things will get better, I just really needed to complain.

If you are still here, thanks for reading. Sometimes just being heard is helpful. Maybe this is the day things will turn around.

Melissa

ksspiff

Melissa, that's a long list and it's all bad! I'm so sorry and wish there was something I could do.  As you can tell, I read your whole post, so feel free to vent any time. Speaking to the uber-frugal christmas, it hurts to miss the full festivness of the season, but Baby Jesus only got sweet gifts because his dad was God. 

I can understand how your husband feels.  It's the same way with me when my husband is losing it.  I've got no advice there. i hate it.

Kristine Schilling

my mom was unemployed for 2 years before she got work again.. You asked how people can have any self worth left after something like that.

Well, she made herself useful. She came to live with us and help out because I was on bed rest for oh.. 30+ weeks of my last PG.  she also did volunteer work. You mentioned being a therapist, perhaps you could volunteer at a local shelter or rehab center? I dunno, but it will help you feel useful and needed. Besides your wonderful new baby comeing who will need you!

Christmas this year is going to be incredibly tight for us too. My husband got laid off, I am on disability for complications of this PG again, and I am due just after new years. I feel your pain, I really do. But remember, it will get better!

Sporkmoostipe

I was an oncology social worker a few years ago. I did a lot of group therapy and a lot of intake interviews for the organization I was with and it really took a toll on me after a while. I work at a church now as a youth leader and a youth in town committed suicide yesterday...so that's been challenging for me, since I've had those feelings myself because of the PPD. 

Are you religious at all? Maybe going and talking to a clergy/rabbi or something could help, particularly because they are free and do deal with this on a normal basis. (I know you know all these kind of resources already, but it might be somethign to consider, particularly if money is an issue right now)

This year is tight for us for Christmas too. We're baking cookies this year and giving out pictures of the little guy...So I feel yoru pain there. 

 It's going to get better. It's not easy to deal with what you're dealing with....come here for support. It helps to have people to talk to! 

etoyama

I am so very sorry for all of the difficult circumstances you're dealing with. That is an awful lot to have on your plate. I wish I knew the answer to help you begin to feel less overwhelmed and stressed. For right now I will offer you a big virtual (((HUG))) and put out good vibes that you find that perfect job very soon!

ladipale

So very sorry for that long list. All that stress added together is a lot. I'm glad you recognize that you need some help. Wouldn't you tell your patients/clients that mental health is super important? Can you go to a couple of counseling sessions?

Big hugs

futuremrshackney

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I suffered from depression through out my pregnancy, and now PP as well, its a very isolating experience.

I'm sorry that you have all these extenuating circumstances that are adding to your troubles. Thats so a lot to deal with, and you certainly don't deserve it.

dusk42

How much is a copay for a doctor's appt?  Can you get some medication until you can afford therapy?