Are there times you don't like your kid?

FriskyPanda

DD is 4 1/2 and infuriating. She won't listen, everything is a struggle and sometimes I just don't want to be around her. I had to walk away from her after she tried to hit me last night because I just couldn't take it anymore. I ended up bawling in the bathroom because I felt like a failure and felt bad about just not liking her at that time.

I love her. She's wonderful sometimes and comes up with the cutest things sometimes, but she just such a challenge. We're working to be more firm with her - admittedly there are too many times when I just don't want to deal with the fight which has contributed to this.

I just don't understand why she's like this. Why is it a fight every.single.time I tell her to do something? DH and I say that between the stubbornness and temper she got the worst of both of us. There are kids out there who listen to their parents, I just don't understand why my kid has never ever been one of them.

DandelionMom

Honestly if you asked this a week ago I would have said no but this week my adorable, sweet little 7 y/o is on my last freaking nerve.  She's still well behaved and all that but she has the shittiest attitude about me right now.  Like I went out of my way to put a little homemade treat in her lunch today and when she saw them she made a little face and said in a rude little tone "what, we're out of everything good?"  It was her favorite treat, rice krispies treats!  This is right after she said she didn't want to go on the fun weekend plans I made, Greenfield Village, a place she usually loves.  Ugh.  I'm trying not to let it bother me.  

For the listening thing, check out "How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen" by Faber.

august06mom

I love my child, but, yes, sometimes I do not like the the way he behaves. There are times when I don't want to be around him because I get so frustrated with how he's acting. I'm pretty sure it's normal to feel like that sometimes, but it's a crappy, yucky feeling.

There are kids out there who listen to their parents, I just don't understand why my kid has never ever been one of them.

Totally empathize with this. I try to remember that all children have flaws, and the ones you see who are angels in the grocery store have their own flaws too. And it sucks, but I have to constantly remind myself to praise DS for being good because I get so fixated on him not listening that I sometimes miss the times he is. Or I feel like he's supposed to be listening, so I don't praise him for it, and it starts a cycle of negativity.

You're not a failure. Walking away to diffuse anger is a good thing, and you should think of it as setting a good example for your DD.

 

happ17

I could have written your post verbatim. I think it's a 4-year-old thing--torn between wanting to assert their independence, but they're still immature.

4 sucks. But it's also such a fun age. 

I say all the time: I love my kid to death, but most of the time, i really don't like him. 

shouldbworkin

Several times a day.  I make sure they know I love them, but sometimes I have to tell them I don't like their behavior very much at all.  Four going onto five is a tough age b/c they really, really like to get their way.  We're struggling with DD with this right now too.  She was even having problems with it in school.  I think it helps to let her have control and help out with certain things so that when I really need her to do something, she will.  Choices help too and if she can't decide by the count of 3 I will decide for her.  The tantrums are the worst, they just drive me up the freaking wall.  I've made a "safe place" for DD to cry it out with some lovies and a comfy chair, but she'll even fight going there.  I'm hoping that with time she'll go there on her own when she needs to chill.  And, I have no problem telling them that mom needs to go to her safe place or take a time out to chill too.  I think they need to see that we can handle things in a mature way too w/o yelling at them.  I do think that kids really like to get praise for doing things right, so I try to give my kids lots of warning and let them know my expectations (e.g. we need to leave the house in 10 minutes, in 5 minutes I am going to ask you to go put your coat and shoes on and I need you to be a good listener and do what mom asks).  When they follow through without a fuss, I heap on the praise verbally and sometimes they will earn a small reward. 

AnnapolisLari

The age sucks.

DS is having a REALLY bad week because we took a long look at what we had been letting him get away with and laid down the law. It's a united front and he's not liking it at all.

Cbidt's girl

4 1/2 sucks. I never yelled at my kid until he was 3 1/2 and I never wanted to sell him until 4 1/2. I'm finding this side of 5 far preferable. You're normal, your kid is normal - hang in there.

Carol*Brady2

My 4 almost 5 yr old has always been difficult & high maintenance. She is very negative a lot of the time too. I think 4 has been better than prior years though. I don't dislike her but she makes my life harder for sure. My 2 & 7 yr olds have the opposite personality. I'm not sure why she's like this but I will say I don't think she feels good a lot of the time due to digestive issues (she's a horrible eater). So I am understanding but she stil drives me nuts at times.

4Speedy

FriskyPanda:

There are kids out there who listen to their parents, I just don't understand why my kid has never ever been one of them.

I can sympathize on the listening thing, too.  When my DD was the same age, I took her to the pedi specifically to get her hearing checked because she listened to me so infrequently.   I felt like an ass when the nurse gave me that all knowing, "it sounds like a parenting problem", condescending look as she broke the news that my DD's hearing was perfect.

Honestly, it just comes and goes in waves.   DD is 5 1/2 and we're having a pretty easy time right now.  But I'm sure we are in for more rough times as she continues to struggle to find appropriate ways to assert her own independence.