Trouble Accepting a C-Section

Lorrie&Jeremy

I'm scheduled for a c-section next week Tuesday (39w 1d). I'm having trouble mentally accepting this.  Part of my brain knows I need to do what's best for him and part of being a parent is you do what it takes so they are safe, but the other part is so emotional about this that I can't stop crying.  

DS1 was born vaginally but was 8 lb 14 oz and had mild shoulder dystocia. I had no idea what was going on at the time and I think they got him out pretty quickly.  At the time the doctor told me that I would need to have a c-section if my next baby is as big as DS1.  We did a growth ultrasound at 37w 4d and DS2 was estimated at 7 lb 11 oz.  All his body parts were measuring on time except for his stomach was measuring 1.5 weeks ahead and the doctor said that indicated his shoulders could be too large and recommended the c-section. She talked to me about the risks and then she and DH both convinced me of it and we scheduled it.

I've had a week now to think about this.  I can't stop crying about it.  I'm concerned about all the little things - spinal and not being able to breathe/neausea; not being able to have him on my chest right away; the incision; nursing afterwards.  I'm most upset that I'm going to walk into the hospital, lay down on a table, and have him cut from my abdomen when he's not even really ready, all while crying and I don't want to cry at the birth of my son.  It feels like an impersonal experience and not the way I wanted it for myself or for him.  I'm also worried about recovery - recovery with DS1 was pretty smooth and I physically felt normal within a couple of days.  I had baby blues with DS1 and I'm so afraid that my blues will be so much worse after he's born given that I'm so upset before he's born. 

Did anyone else have issues with accepting the c-section?  How did it turn out for you?  Were you able to get over it and enjoy the birth and enjoy your child?  Did anyone have shoulder dystocia with first child and not have a c-section with the second?  My feelings can't be normal, but I can't help these feelings.  I have an appointment tomorrow and will get to ask questions about the c-section because I didn't last week. 

 

 

nosoup4u

Do you have the same OB that you had for your first son's birth? If so, maybe you should get a second opinion, frankly. If you're this upset about having a c-section, it might be worth your time seeing what a different doctor (or midwife, even) thinks about your birth history, bc it might not be the only route...

I had an unplanned c-section with my first, and it was tough, but doable. You can tell the anesthesiologist that you are worried/panicked, I know I did at some point. And FWIW, I had a VBAC with my second son, and he was 2+ pounds bigger than my first. Hang in there!

CanaryIsland629

I had issues accepting a c-section. As soon as they called to schedule, I cried from that moment and then for two weeks til surgery. I was happy and excited to meet LO but then the happy feeling would get shut down from the other feelings I was having.

I was so scared. I can't even begine to tell you what crossed my mind when there are two weeks to anticipate it. We left the house that morning and all I can think about was 'what if I don't come home?' 

Walking into the OR was the hardest part. felt like I was walking the plank.

I promise promise promise you that as soon as you are past the spinal part, something comes over you. an overwhelming sense of calm just comes over you and you kind of just go with it. I know that sounds crazy and you maybe don't believe me but it's true. I'd do it again in a second and I promised myself that next pregnancy, I won't beat myself up before the day cause it was really not a big deal. THE THOUGHT of a c sec  IS WAYYYYY worse.

I wouldn't look or touch my incision so I understand your fear. 

You will be so proud of yourself after it's all said and done. I promise.

Expecting0207

At 39w1day your baby will be fully ready to be born.  I've had 2 c/s - 1st breech and my water broke at 36.5 weeks.  My second was my choice of a repeat c/s and my water broke at 38.5 weeks.... so I've never made it to 39 weeks in a pregnancy.  Me and my sis were both born via c/s and I really didn't mind having one with DD1 (or DD2).  They were both born safely and were healthy and I had no grand vision of what any birth experience would be like.  My treasured memories from the hospital were the times at night when everyone was gone and I was holding them just looking at them and taking them in. 

ktb31

I have had 2 c-sections, most recently 4 months ago.  I was scared of getting on the operating table and breathing/nausea as well.  I explained all of my fears to the nurses that prepped me and they talked to me about everything and explained how they would handle each of my issues should they occur.  They will have the baby out about 10-15 min after they get started.  Once the baby is pulled out you will be able to breathe much better.  If you are feeling nauseous at all just let your anesthesiologist know and he/she will give you something for it right away.  The anesthesiologist remains right at your head, monitoring you the whole time.  Mine told me what was happening and answered my questions and wiped my tears when I cried.  Remember you aren't the first person to go into having a c-section feeling this way so the best advice I have for you is to verbalize how you are feeling before, during and after so the doctors and nurses can best meet your needs.  I nursed as soon as I was in the recovery room. Probably less than an hour after he was born.  The whole surgery took about 45 min.  Yes I was dying to hold my sweet little boy while they stitched me up but it was a small price to pay to ensure he was safely delivered.  Once that baby is here and you are both doing well hopefully you will be able to accept that this was just the way he or she needed to come into the world.  And if afterward you are still having difficulty accepting it and feeling like you missed out on something there are support groups specifically for people feeling that way.  Good luck!  And don't beat yourself up for being emotional about this.  Giving birth is no easy task no matter how you do it:) 

P.S.  Recovery wasn't bad for me at all.  I just made sure I took my pain meds ON TIME.  Don't wait til you are in pain.  I was out running errands with my newborn and 3 year old a week to the day I gave birth.   

megs68

I had an unexpected c/s with #1.  I am planning on a VBAC but I have to think about the large possibility of another c/s.  I have a hard time thinking about it, but will do it if it's for the best.  What I am have done is to plan ahead my ideal c/s birth plan.  I have specified that if I do have a c/s, I want the baby placed on me as soon as possible following the birth, preferably immediately.  When she's placed in the warmer and checked, I want her located where I can see her.  If she and DH need to leave the room, I want another person, either my doula or my mom, to come into the room to keep me company while I'm getting stitched up.   It is a very impersonal experience, you are definitely have things done TO you vs being a participant in the experience, but ideally little things like this will help to make my experience more positive.  You can google c/s birth plans and see if that gives you any ideas of how to make the experience better for you.

JG362009

I know exactly how you feel.  Accepting having it done was something I just wasn't able to do/haven't done yet.  I'm so sorry you feel this way but I can tell you that you will live through it -- for me, it was really, really hard, and I completely understand how you feel when you say "going to walk into the hospital, lay down on a table, and have him cut from my abdomen when he's not even really ready, all while crying and I don't want to cry at the birth of my son"  because I felt the exact same way.  But, he will be ready to be born and he will likely be fine.  I hope you have a smooth recovery.  But I agree with others -- really talk to your doctor to see if it's absolutely necessary to have a c-section and if they'd at least let you try labor since you've already had a decently large sized baby vaginally.  Best of luck.  I hope you don't have to have a c-section. 

So, to answer your questions -- I don't think I'm over the c-section and it remains to this day probably one of if not the worst experiences of my life.  I wasn't able to get over it and I did not enjoy the birth of my child.  But, it didn't affect my relationship with my son -- I was never upset with him or blamed him.  I really think you can hate how your child was born but not have it affect your bonding at all, because that's what's happened to me. 

Pelusa214

Awwww :-(  Take a deep breath, mama.  It will all be ok. 

I just gave birth for the second time 1 week ago via c-section.  My first was a vaginal birth.  DD#1 was almost 2 weeks late & they wanted to do a c-section because of the risk of shoulder dystocia.  I convinced them to induce me that very day instead because I wanted so badly to have a natural, vaginal birth.  The experience was terrible, my recovery was horrible, and I really have no good memories of it at all :-(

This time, I scheduled an elective c-section because I have a cystocele AND rectocele from delivering DD#1, and another vaginal delivery not only would've made them worse, but I also could have wound up with a prolapsed uterus (which would mean hysterectomy).  On top of that, DD#2 was measuring 40 weeks at only 37 weeks gestation, so she was expected to be a big baby (DD#1 was only 7 pounds 11 oz at 12 days late).

I have to tell you that the c-section was WAY better.  Yes, I'm in more widespread pain (although I was in excruciating vaginal pain for weeks after DD#1, this time I'm in pain in more places in my body), but this time I actually got pain meds for it instead of them telling me to just take Motrin!  It was more relaxed because I knew when it was going to happen, and it wasn't as impersonal as I thought.  I think it depends on your hospital's policies/procedures, but I can tell you that for mine:

I was able to see them hold DD up as soon as she came out & watch them do the apgars & clean her off (I missed this the first time because I was delivering the placenta & was so exhausted).  I got to snuggle with her for a good 5-10 minutes in the OR, and by the time I was stitched up & in recovery (DH went with DD to the nursery), my nurse was already calling the nursery to ask them to please hurry and bring DD to me because I wanted to breastfeed.  I breastfed her right there in recovery, and it was really nice because the spinal was still in effect so I wasn't in pain & wasn't exhausted from labor.  I had her at 39w1d, and she was already 8 pounds 2 oz, so delivering her would've likely caused problems for both me & her.  Also, I had major baby blues with #1, and so far (a week postpartum), I'm feeling 100x better than I did after having DD#1.  And breastfeeding is going much better this time, too.

Your feelings are perfectly normal, but truthfully, it's not bad at all.  Also, you don't HAVE to schedule the c-section early.  You can schedule it for when you are a full 40 weeks, and if you go into labor before then, they'll just take you in that day & do the c-section. 

Do what you think will make you the most at peace, but from my experience, the scheduled c-section was a much better birth experience, and it really isn't that bad.

holly321

Mine was a bad experience, but I think if it happens again, at least I can be prepared.My section was unplanned, when I found out about it, I wasn't the least bit upset, was more like, ehhh less work.  I didn't have time to think about it, they broke my water, hour later in surgery.

Make your wants know, say you want the baby placed on you, that you want to BF asap.  See if you can get a mirror.  See if someone in the OR can take pictures for you.  If you think the spinal will make you sick, tell them, they may be able to help before it happens (I got nauseous, they gave me something, it went away quickly)  Try and make meals and plan ahead so you don't have to worry about it when you get home.  Accept as much help as people will offer.   Take all the mesh panties from the hospital. I bloated so big, mine wouldn't fit and I had to cut them so they didn't irritated my staples.   (for what it's worth, I don't think that is normal)

I would personally look into a 2nd opinion, but that's just me.  They estimated DD to be 7.75 lbs, she was just shy of 6.

 

Good luck with everything, I know it's hard, emotionally.  It took me awhile to go to this point, but I am here, ttc again, and o.k. if I end up with a rcs (VBAC preferred)

expectingnothing

megs68:

  If she and DH need to leave the room, I want another person, either my doula or my mom, to come into the room to keep me company while I'm getting stitched up.

 This may not be feasible in your hospital.  Bringing another person into the room while you are still wide open exposes you to bacteria and germs and increases your risk of infection.  So be aware that this may not be possible.  Most likely your H can just stay with you though and it shouldn't be an issue at all.

momhardy

I totally feel for you! From the get go with my first son every Doc I talked to said I'd never have a vaginal birth!? But I was sure I could! As were all the other women in my family! Well I got my birthing story! My water broke we went to the hospital I labored and then labored some more for about 15 hours before getting any meds. Mama was going to do in natural!!!! Finally I gave in after anothrer 6 more hours and had the baby C-section and everything was fine! Recovery was good. I was just out of my mind from being so tired!!!! Then he wasn't a very good sleeper so I didn't really get caught up on sleep until he was about 2!!!

Anyway when number 2 came along. My husband was deploying and we oppted to take him right at 37 weeks. Awesome! I went in they took him. I left 2 days later for an activation ceremony! My husband deployed 7 days later and the rest is history! And he was an awesome sleeper!! Yah! It was just so diffrent then the first. I do have to say my mental state had everything to do with it! Our minds are a very strong tool, when we use them for good!
Now planning for #3! C-section all the way! I just hope they let me go at 37 weeks again!

Take care! Put it in God's hands and trust that it will be the best thing and no matter what at the end of it you'll be holding a amazing blessing!!! Good Luck!!!

megs68

expectingnothing:

megs68:

  If she and DH need to leave the room, I want another person, either my doula or my mom, to come into the room to keep me company while I'm getting stitched up.

 This may not be feasible in your hospital.  Bringing another person into the room while you are still wide open exposes you to bacteria and germs and increases your risk of infection.  So be aware that this may not be possible.  Most likely your H can just stay with you though and it shouldn't be an issue at all.

Obviously you need to discuss anything in your birth plan with your medical provider.  

Kristine Schilling

I picked one thing of your worrys...

Just because you have a Cs does not mean you cannot have that little baby on your chest, cuddling and bonding while they clean you up. Its a spinal right? Not a general anesth. So you will be aware. And unless theres a problem, there is no reason baby cannot be with you for the majority of your time in recovery ward, skin to skin, even attempting to latch.

That is my understanding of things anyway.