Planning for baby #2

SigmundsGirl

DH and I have talked a lot and we would like to try for another baby. And since I turn 37 next week, it should be sooner rather than later. For many reasons I have decided that 38 is my cutoff for delivering a baby. Now that could mean that I deliver while I am 38, but would prefer to not be a few months away from 39.

Since we had trouble TTC with Evan and then I had hormone issues for just under a year and a half after he was born, I know we will need the help of my RE to get pg with #2.

I know there are still variables when it comes to getting pg, but we hope that it will only take a few months (like it did when I finally went to the RE the first time)  to get pg. Because of a better chance of success, I have started thinking about when would be a good time for the baby to be born. I like schedules and planning things.

But is it weird (or just not logical) to take holidays, the possibility of extreme temperatures, and Evan's birthday into account when deciding when to start back with my RE?

I think of things like:

* Would it be hard on baby #2 to have a birthday close to Christmas?

* What would it be like if I had baby #2 a month or 2 before DS's 3rd birthday - we would still be sleep deprived if history repeats itself

* Do I want to be pregnant during the hottest part of the year? Last pregnancy I was hot all winter.

Please be honest and tell me if I need to relax and stop trying to control everything or if these are things you would take into consideration too.

E&RMommy

I would just focus on getting a BFP, happy and healthy baby and not worry about the rest.  Although I have twins I still understand how to juggle 2 kids.  You make it work.

BritanyV

I agree with PP, just focus on getting a BFP and a healthy baby.  

While it is nice to think we can plan these things, in realty we can't.  If *my* plans would have worked out, I would have a 1 year old right now or a 6 month old, instead I had 2 losses and am now pregnant again and just hoping and praying this is our take home baby.  

It might take you longer this time around to get your BFP and I wouldn't want to waste cycles trying to plan the "perfect" due date.  

Suzi-G-

Eh... I know most people will say it's crazy but I would/hope to take a lot of those things into account.  (We aren't having another yet for financial reasons but I like to daydream about it.)  I *hope* to not have another Christmas/New Years baby for the sake of my own sanity so when we do start trying I will probably skip that cycle (I have very long cycles so chances are I'd only have to skip one) but if it happened I'm OK with it. 

I don't think it's crazy to take those things into account so long as you realize you aren't 100% in control and are OK with things not going as planned.  

KelleyA

Before we started trying for DD#1 I said "I just don't want a December baby!"... guess what, she was born a week before Christmas.  When we talked about having another I thought, "wow, I'd really like to not be 40 weeks pregnant in July or August"... guess what, I had DD#2 in July.  It all works out, I promise.  We adjust DD#1's birthday party a bit each year and she's just fine with that and I was only 39 weeks pregnant when I gave birth and well, pregnancy doesn't last forever.  I say take the blessing when it comes!

CareBear01

I agree with all pps.  At first, I wanted to "plan" around my work schedule, but then 6 months went by and nothing was happening, so I was bummed we didn't try sooner (when I didn't want to try sooner b/c of certain timing).  Since there is really only a 20% chance of pregnancy even if you do everything right when you ovulate, I wouldn't take the chance of not trying each month - especially since you are saying you feel that you have a limited time window to conceive.  However, if not having a Christmas baby is something that is very important to you, then just skip that month and try again the next time - but if you don't get PG as soon as you want, you can't keep thinking "if we had only tried that month, maybe it would have happened." 

SigmundsGirl

Very good points, ladies. I am in the mindset of what Suzi described. I think about these things, but I keep learning the lesson over and over again that I can't schedule my life. 

My ideal situation was to get married by 25, have my first baby at 30, and one more before 35. Well, I broke up with my college boyfriend at 25, met DH when I was 27, got married at 31, and had my first baby at 35. So much for plans.

But I do appreciate the reality check and know that a healthy baby is all I really want. I think I'll keep these things in mind but try to not drive myself crazy.  

RaeAnt

* Would it be hard on baby #2 to have a birthday close to Christmas?

DH bday is 12/22. The hardest part is to get other people not to combine bday & Christmas. We try very hard to keep them very separate. I guess we won't know until he's older whether it's hard for him or not. The biggest issue i see with it, for us anyway, is wanting to have a party for him so close to Christmas. We thought about doing it on his half birthday, but that would be mid-june and school would be out for the summer anyway resulting in more issues. Some people love it, others hated it. it's all personal.

* What would it be like if I had baby #2 a month or 2 before DS's 3rd birthday - we would still be sleep deprived if history repeats itself

Is there something significant that happens for DS's birthday or just 3rd in particlar? Otherwise, why does that in particular make you nervous? Just plan many months ahead for it then you don't have that to worry about after the baby is born or ask a friend or relative to assist.

* Do I want to be pregnant during the hottest part of the year? Last pregnancy I was hot all winter.

Like I previously said, DS was born 3 days before Christmas. I spent my summer inside as much as possible or if you have access to a pool, it will relax you and cool you off. Just drink water like there's no tomorrow.

SigmundsGirl

RaeAnt:

* Would it be hard on baby #2 to have a birthday close to Christmas?

DH bday is 12/22. The hardest part is to get other people not to combine bday & Christmas. We try very hard to keep them very separate. I guess we won't know until he's older whether it's hard for him or not. The biggest issue i see with it, for us anyway, is wanting to have a party for him so close to Christmas. We thought about doing it on his half birthday, but that would be mid-june and school would be out for the summer anyway resulting in more issues. Some people love it, others hated it. it's all personal.

Yeah, I have friends with birthdays really close to Christmas and they are always bummed that people are usually out of town and don't attend your birthday party.

* What would it be like if I had baby #2 a month or 2 before DS's 3rd birthday - we would still be sleep deprived if history repeats itself

Is there something significant that happens for DS's birthday or just 3rd in particlar? Otherwise, why does that in particular make you nervous? Just plan many months ahead for it then you don't have that to worry about after the baby is born or ask a friend or relative to assist.

There isn't anything significant we do, but when Evan was a newborn he had horrible reflux and we were getting about 3 hours of sleep a day for the first month and then maybe 5 for the second. I know a new baby is already a big change and I don't want DS to feel like a baby stole his attention and from what my friends have said at 3 they seem to get the idea of their birthday.

* Do I want to be pregnant during the hottest part of the year? Last pregnancy I was hot all winter.

Like I previously said, DS was born 3 days before Christmas. I spent my summer inside as much as possible or if you have access to a pool, it will relax you and cool you off. Just drink water like there's no tomorrow.

All I can say is God love you. I worry that I would spontaneously explode. I ran the AC all winter and kept the house at 58. DH loved it! But honestly, if I am pregnant during the hottest months I'll deal with it. I just would prefer to control everything including the weather.

Natalie&Mark

We were hoping that we'd have a late May/early June baby, so that MIL will be off for summer break, and I'll have a slew of summer interns.  Got lucky.

horn_jm@hotmail.com

I agree with not stressing about planning due dates and just focusing on the BFP, especially since you have a limited window.  DS#1's birthday is a week before Christmas, and we just have his birthday party a week before that to avoid holiday conflicts.  We celebrate at preschool early in the week to avoid the Christmas party day.  Honestly, while these things aren't ideal, and I'm sure he'll one day wish he didn't have a birthday so close to Christmas, he wouldn't be the same kid if he had been born a different month.  Also, you tend to get more time with family around the holidays - fun time to have a birthday, in some ways, I think.  Anyway, it's probably not worth avoiding a whole month over, unless you just have major concerns about it.

Also, DS#2 was born a month before DS#1 turned 3.  Sure, I was tired.  I also ended up having DS#1's party away from home and around New Year's.  He still ended up having a  wonderful birthday and party and was super excited to be 3.  We managed to make him a train cake, I wore DS#2 in the Moby at the party, and all was good.  They are such good buddies now.  DS#1 was so excited for DS#2 to be born, wanted to be in every picture I took of DS#2 and was always running to grab diapers for me, etc.  Sure, this ends up being a pretty busy time of year for me now, but I wouldn't trade either of my kiddos for more ideal timing.  

FutureMrsJW

I would just focus on the BFP.  I have a December 28th birthday.  Here's how my mom handled my Christmas birthday:

My mom would schedule to bring cupcakes for my birthday a few days before our Christmas party.

I never had presents wrapped in Christmas wrapping.  Although, if I had a big Christmas list and I didn't get it on Christmas, there were still 3 more days until I might get the missing item.  I also got a few really big "combined" gifts once I was older. (Stereos, TV, etc.)

When I was older, she let me pick the month for my birthday party.  One year I did it in November and one year it was a pool party in May.  It was impossible to ever do one on my actual birthday.  She did the same later for my sister's July birthday.

Once my sister was born, in July, my mom started celebrating my half birthday.  I would get a present and cupcakes. 

Christmas birthdays aren't ideal, but very doable.  My mom just got creative, so I never slighted.  

 

 

kreeper611

SigmundsGirl:

I think of things like:

* Would it be hard on baby #2 to have a birthday close to Christmas? DS has a birthday close to Christmas.  It never occurred to me until well into my pregnancy that he would be a December baby.  Duh.  It gets CRAZY hectic this time of year and DS is going to be completely over-stimulated and think that every day will be a gift opening day, but it works.  I loved when I had him.  And FWIW, for several reasons, potential baby #2 will possibly fall along the same timeline.  Although I'll aim more for a month or so apart because I may kill someone if I had to do T-day, 2 birthdays, and Christmas in less than 4 weeks.

* Do I want to be pregnant during the hottest part of the year? Last pregnancy I was hot all winter. As much as I ended up swelling, there is 100% no way I can be 9 months pregnant in August.  No freaking way.

I totally get what you are saying.  We've talked about this and I'm still on the fence.  It isn't that I don't want another baby, and that I don't want to have another baby sometime around the end of 2012...but I don't want to spend most of 2012 pregnant.  I'm just NOT looking forward to that.  To the point that I want to put it off...but I also don't know if I'll every be completely on board with 10 months of pregnancy. 

SigmundsGirl

kreeper611:

SigmundsGirl:

I think of things like:

* Would it be hard on baby #2 to have a birthday close to Christmas? DS has a birthday close to Christmas.  It never occurred to me until well into my pregnancy that he would be a December baby.  Duh.  It gets CRAZY hectic this time of year and DS is going to be completely over-stimulated and think that every day will be a gift opening day, but it works.  I loved when I had him.  And FWIW, for several reasons, potential baby #2 will possibly fall along the same timeline.  Although I'll aim more for a month or so apart because I may kill someone if I had to do T-day, 2 birthdays, and Christmas in less than 4 weeks.

* Do I want to be pregnant during the hottest part of the year? Last pregnancy I was hot all winter. As much as I ended up swelling, there is 100% no way I can be 9 months pregnant in August.  No freaking way.

I totally get what you are saying.  We've talked about this and I'm still on the fence.  It isn't that I don't want another baby, and that I don't want to have another baby sometime around the end of 2012...but I don't want to spend most of 2012 pregnant.  I'm just NOT looking forward to that.  To the point that I want to put it off...but I also don't know if I'll every be completely on board with 10 months of pregnancy. 

I hear ya. If it weren't for the fact that I just turned 37 I'd put it off too.

rayskit10

SigmundsGirl:

Yeah, I have friends with birthdays really close to Christmas and they are always bummed that people are usually out of town and don't attend your birthday party.

Not to make you more freaked out but this can happen with any holiday- or even other random times. 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Easter, Spring break, Memorial Day or Labor Day weekend, any other 3 days weekend, 2 weeks before school starts. People travel at all these times and we often miss parties because of going out of town. 

I mean, I can't say I didn't/don't think about these things either. It took me 11 mos to get pregnant with #1. Then it took 4 mos to get pregnant a 2nd time, but I had a loss but then was pregnant the next month. Just that month could have made the difference between, say, a 4th of July baby or an August baby. So, start trying and hope for the best, but trying to make too many plans about something so really out of your control will only make you frustrated.