When did you tell

srmmm09

Thanksgiving is next week (obvs), and DH and I are split as to when to tell extended family. At what point in the process did you tell relatively close family members? DH's family is pretty small and very tight-knit. I see no problem in telling them before our dossier is in Uganda (the country we're adopting from).

In fact, I want to tell EVERYONE NOW! Because I'm excited but also to give the fam the opportunity to give adoption-related gifts for Christmas (if they so desire). But DH doesn't want to until we're waiting to be matched with a child. We don't have many adoptive families in our crowd, so I thought we'd get your advice. TIA!

firecracker8

My parents knew because we told them that we were having trouble getting pregnant and that we were looking into adoption. We told the rest of my family when we were starting the process. We told DH's family right before our name went in to the matchbook with our agency. DH was not exactly excited to tell them because we figured that the response wouldn't be very positive..... When we went in the matchbook, we sent out letters to friends and family letting them know and asking them for prayers and to pass our information on to others.

CaptainSerious

The first time, we told our immediate family members and our references just after we applied to our agency and were beginning our homestudy.  We waited until we were homestudy approved (8 months in) to share the news with everyone else.  It took us 2.5 years to adopt, and we sometimes wished we had waited to tell everyone.  All the people asking for updates and telling us "good things come to those who wait" wore pretty thin after a while.

This time, we again told the most important people upfront.  We didn't tell anyone else until we submitted our dossier and request to adopt J in July.  We were sure that we'd hear in a couple of months, so it seemed prudent at the time.  Now that it looks like we won't bring him home until after the holidays at the soonest, my husband wasn't comfortable with me making a direct statement about wishing he could be with us in our Christmas cards.  He'd rather not announce it to our more distant friends who don't know yet until we know something for certain.

Honestly, it's just up to you.  If you think the support will be helpful to you while you wait, go for it.  If you think all the questions will just be a constant reminder, you may want to hold off, or just tell a few, close friends.

pinkzebra

We told them when we first started the process. I was too excited to keep it in plus we kept getting comments from MIL about how she was never going to be a grandmother. Ugh! I couldn't take it anymore so we just went ahead and told them we had been having trouble TTC and we were about to start the adoption process.

Dr.Loretta

My family was in the conversation from the get-go. We told DH's family when we had chosen an agency to work with.

Cristine

I have a big mouth so my immediate family knew pretty much right away.Most of DH's family knows since the girl's we want to adopt are indirectly related to his sister. I told my dad's parents because they happened to call on the day we decided to try and adopt.

My mother also has a big mouth so her entire family knows. I wasn't thrilled about that since one of my Aunts is being extremely negative about it.

 We're still not out on facebook but most of my close friends know. I've told a few people at work but I'm kind of waiting till we find out if it will actually happen before we tell the world.

babywisher

We told everyone I think even before we finished the application! Neither of us are very private people. We told close family first. Then pretty much everyone knew.

Art Teacher

We're very close to our family on both sides and we told everyone quickly (pretty much while we were doing our homestudy process.)  Some of our family - our parents/siblings - knew before that, too. 

Do whatever feels best to the both of you.  Why does your DH want to wait?  What are his concerns? 

I liked our family knowing - we were able to share what we were going through and they were able to be a part of the process as well.

purplerhi

We told my side last Thanksgiving.  Since it was the first for us, we bought piggy banks and wrapped them up for both sets of my parents.  At that point we had chosen an agency and were in the process of submitting our formal application.  We told DH's side a couple of days later when we got together on the weekend.  We let our parents spread the news to the rest of the family at the gatherings and such.  And it didn't take long for the word to spread.  Good Luck.