Maybe I'm being over sensitive

Deblondie1

but this person is pissing me off. If I'm being too sensitive tell me, I can handle it. 

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/60302463.aspx 

TapDancingLlamas

I don't think you a being sensitive. She is just rude. When I had DS, the last thing I wanted was for everyone to point out the complications. Having a baby is exciting regardless of circumstance.

hislobster05

I think we have to look at intention...it seems that her intentions are good, she just isn't expressing herself or concern in the right way.  And then she just keeps digging that hole for herself.

It seems that everyone explained it really clearly to her and she just is too busy trying to defend her point or clarify her point to hear what people are saying.

I would let it go because she isn't getting it and I can't think of a single thing anyone could add to that conversation to make it better.

At least she is showing concern for the sweet little one who got an all too early start in this world...even if it ends up appearing like she doesn't think people should have been excited about it.  It seems, again, like her heart was in the right place- her execution of thought and words were really poor.

 

People just have NO CLUE unless they've been there.  I've seen every reaction in the book from my three preemies and so hers doesn't surprise me.  I get what she's saying, I just disagree and don't think it's worth any other statement to her because everything everyone said to her so far has been on point and she still is clueless.

lwmooney87

I agree with you 100%.

Deblondie1

hislobster05:

I think we have to look at intention...it seems that her intentions are good, she just isn't expressing herself or concern in the right way.  And then she just keeps digging that hole for herself.

It seems that everyone explained it really clearly to her and she just is too busy trying to defend her point or clarify her point to hear what people are saying.

I would let it go because she isn't getting it and I can't think of a single thing anyone could add to that conversation to make it better.

At least she is showing concern for the sweet little one who got an all too early start in this world...even if it ends up appearing like she doesn't think people should have been excited about it.  It seems, again, like her heart was in the right place- her execution of thought and words were really poor.

 

People just have NO CLUE unless they've been there.  I've seen every reaction in the book from my three preemies and so hers doesn't surprise me.  I get what she's saying, I just disagree and don't think it's worth any other statement to her because everything everyone said to her so far has been on point and she still is clueless.

Good call. She just got me so riled up. Stepping way now (although I may keep checking it to see responses  

OscarQ

I don't think you are being oversensitive but I see her side too.  She doesn't get that people are excited about the arrival of the baby and are saying so on Facebook.

I think she just doesn't get that people are just trying to be optimistic (or maybe they really are clueless) when facing a terrible situation.  It's not like they're choosing this route.  If people had posted on my Facebook anything doom and gloomy I would have shot them.  Even though I knew doom and gloom was possible.  I did give a major side eye to all the Congrats posts and woo hoos.  But really, what else were people supposed to do.

There was a post here last week where a preemie mom had a friend wishing her baby would come early.  So I really think some people just have no clue what is involved.

Denesdia

I learned early to stick with my Preemie Board mamas because I got caught up in a toxic "debate" on another board about an issue that was really near and dear to me because of my 25 weeker.  I agree with pp in that we need to let folks go their own way once they show us that they are unable to receive information about the things we have experienced and they have not. 

kitkat145

Yeah, it struck a nerve with me too. I agree with the other ladies...she just doesn't get it. 

kck329

Denesdia:

I learned early to stick with my Preemie Board mamas because I got caught up in a toxic "debate" on another board about an issue that was really near and dear to me because of my 25 weeker.  I agree with pp in that we need to let folks go their own way once they show us that they are unable to receive information about the things we have experienced and they have not. 

Yep, all of this. Though I did just post there to share the list of "how to help" in my siggy in hopes that she will organize something that is actually helpful for her friend and maybe avoid putting her foot in her mouth again. 

KShiz

OscarQ:

There was a post here last week where a preemie mom had a friend wishing her baby would come early.  So I really think some people just have no clue what is involved.

I think it's under the same ignorance umbrella as the "I wish my baby would come early" post that Oscar Q is referencing.

Another point that I'm surprised no one brought up, the OP said that she wanted to wait to give a congratulations until the baby got a clean bill of health...um, what happens if the baby doesn't get one? What if the baby has lifelong delays or health related issues because of being preterm?  Do the parents not deserve a "Congratulations"?  Do only "healthy" babies deserve a party? 

I think (hope) the OP had good intentions, like "hey the parents must be terrified and I doubt it's all flowers & fairies", just poor execution and lack of wanting to hear differing opinions.

AlwaysSunny925

I don't think you're being too sensitive, but I will say that all the Congratulations I got the day my twins were born made me very sad.  It wasn't until a few days after their birth that I was open to people saying Congratulations.

jacque_z

I guess I feel a little differently.  The last thing I wanted to hear when I gave birth at 26 weeks was Congratulations.  I would burst into tears anytime anyone said that to me for weeks after I delivered.  In a way I felt like saying congratulations or anything celebratory was making light of the fact that she/we had an extremely long road ahead.  I don't know - just a different perspective I guess. 

KitT.Kat

Agreed. I always got very upset when people got excited DD came at 26 weeks, but I don't think this women needed to take it upon herself to be outraged for her friend.

SushiNoMore

KitT.Kat:

Agreed. I always got very upset when people got excited DD came at 26 weeks, but I don't think this women needed to take it upon herself to be outraged for her friend.

This.  Congratulations felt so wrong and hurtful to me at first, but I tried to remember that people were trying to do the right thing. At 26 weeks (more so than 28 weeks), you aren't even sure you're going to get a take home baby.  It wasn't until I was relatively certain that Z was coming home with us that I was willing to accept congratulations gracefully.

My basic view is that the WORST thing people can do is say nothing at all.  At least if they say, "Congratulations," you know they care (even if what they say might be a little bit off).   Even the really idiot comments generally come from a good place.  People just don't know what to say, and, honestly, I can think of plenty of times when I've said the wrong thing to people in these sorts of situations.  I think saying something nice and supportive is better than ignoring the situation entirely.