What would be reasonable?

achase123

This is thinking ahead a bit but we'll go back to court in December.  XH has already made it clear that he will be trying for overnight visitation.  I am not ok with this for a number of reasons.  In case you don't know our history he didn't see P for a full year (due to drug addiction and being in and out of jail), and just saw him for the first time again in July.  He has three hours of supervised visitation a week, right now, and I have full physical and legal custody.

I would be willing to consider a short amount of time of unsupervised visits, provided that he does not drive with DS, because he does not have a drivers license.  This is one of the reasons I don't think overnight is reasonable.  Also, given his criminal and drug history I think it's ridiculous to think he'd get overnights with only eight months of sobriety.  Baby steps, is what I told him but he doesn't understand that.

Does 2-3 hours/week of unsupervised visitation at a place such as the park or at his grandparents home (who I am comfortable with) seem reasonable?

mdotm0904

i'm "new" to all this but it definitely sounds reasonable to me! I agree that overnight visitation at this point  is beyond ridiculous.

turtle1120

I think that definitely sounds reasonable.  He should get shorter unsupervised visits first and then longer unsupervised visits before overnights are even considered.

My ex had not seen DD in 6 months and started out having supervised visits in my home.  That happened for about 4 months.  About a month ago he started having unsupervised visits, and he gets one 4 hour visit per week.  Overnights aren't even on the table at this point and won't be for quite some time. 

CPA04

I think going from 3 hours of supervised visitation to 18-24 hours of unsupervised is a big jump.

I think you're being reasonable in saying a few hours at a time of unsupervised is appropriate.  Would you consider 3 hours twice a week?  Would he be apt to agree to that vs. one longer visit each week?  That way, you're increasing the time each week without agreeing to overnights.  Baby steps as you said.

How do you think P will handle the transition to you not being present?  Maybe P will not handle it well and XH will bring him back home sooner than the visit says he needs to if P is crying for you?  Or, maybe P will be fine since he's now used to being around XH regularly?

achase123

CPA04:

I think going from 3 hours of supervised visitation to 18-24 hours of unsupervised is a big jump.

I think you're being reasonable in saying a few hours at a time of unsupervised is appropriate.  Would you consider 3 hours twice a week?  Would he be apt to agree to that vs. one longer visit each week?  That way, you're increasing the time each week without agreeing to overnights.  Baby steps as you said.

How do you think P will handle the transition to you not being present?  Maybe P will not handle it well and XH will bring him back home sooner than the visit says he needs to if P is crying for you?  Or, maybe P will be fine since he's now used to being around XH regularly?

I think three hours, twice a week would be fine.  That way it would give me a chance to actually run an errand or two before having to pick P up again.  I think he's wanting to get his way with the overnights (as usual) but merely because of the way he is, not because of any logical reasoning.

I think P will be fine with it, I have no worries about that.  He's enjoyed his time with XH and they seem to be developing a bond so that's good.  I am not worried about the transition at all.  I am more concerned with having to "battle it out" again in court, per se.  It just seems exhausting and expensive.  I wish we could come to some sort of compromise between us.

sep123

Completely reasonable - it seems like the natural "next step" in terms of upping parenting time. 

cemacmil

I totally agree that going from a couple hours supervised to a few hours unsupervised (especially given the history) is reasonable.

Plus, and something you may want to bring to court is that if he were to have overnights or a more extended amount of time and P needed to be driven to a doctor or hospital - your XH could not drive him because of the fact that he does not have a license. That would not be in P's best interest and I think lawyers and a judge would see that fact.

I think of driving situations all the time because XH used drink and drive (still may, I don't know) all the time.