WWYD: H Edition

buggywhips

MH's company Christmas party is about 2 weeks from my EDD.  For it, they will check into a hotel (about 2 hours away) and be taking a "fun bus" to wine country (also 2 hours away) and doing wine tasting.  I already have told H that I didn't want to go (he totally understood) and he called from work tonight asking me if he could still go.

We aren't the type to tell each other what they can/cannot do.  In his man head, he thought it would be too early fro me to go into labor.  After I told him I would be term and there was a possibility I could go and have a normal delivery he's now leaning towards not going to the party.  I feel guilty because he really really wants to go-he's a bit of a novice wine enthusiast so it's really exciting to him.  

I am torn.  I want him to go and have fun.  But he WILL be drunk and will be staying at a hotel after the tasting.   At first, I thought "How selfish of him to want to go to this party and potentially miss the birth of his son!" but now I feel guilty because I know the odds are not in my favor to go into labor that day.  

What would you guys do? 

cldnt*b*happier

Well, you may NOT go into labor, but say you do... Do you think he would be able to forgive himself if he missed the birth of your son? I say yall have a long talk about it! I personally would play it on the safe side and yall could take a trip like that next year!

indiana101

Personally I would tell him to go, but say that if you think something might be happening closer to the time, then you would expect that he cancelled. Not a fun decision to make though.

mrsfowler1016

Meh, I'd let him go. My husband is going to help a friend open a new business (and work) for a weekend when I am 38 weeks. I am a bit worried, but then again it will be the last chance he will be able to do something like this. 

buggywhips

indiana101:

Personally I would tell him to go, but say that if you think something might be happening closer to the time, then you would expect that he cancelled. Not a fun decision to make though.

This is kind of how I am feeling right now.  If LO seems nice and cozy and happy to wait a while, then I would feel awful for making H miss his party.  I

We will talk about it more when he gets home...he may not even be willing to change his mind now, but at least the option would be out there for him.  Thanks! 

sept9107bride

I'd let him go but I wouldn't go myself....no fun just watching.  Plus your doc would probably advise against you going as well due to the travel.  I would just suggest he find a "buddy" so he and his buddy can be on phone alert should you need him to get back to you.

MesmrEwe

I'd let him go with the orders to keep his cell with him at all times and to have a backup/emergency driver just in case...  In other words, he may be going to a wine TASTING but that doesn't mean he has to get sloshed! 

BFab11

I would ask him to stay home.  Wine country will always be there, but the birth of his son is a once in a lifetime event.

DaisyKD

I would let him go, but tell him that he needs to limit his drinking so if your water breaks or you went into labor he could be sober to drive home.  Like you said, chances aren't good that you will go into labor on that exact day, but it could happen and he's going to want to make sure that in the off chance it does, he can get home in a hurry.

Also you could kind of play it by ear if you started feeling like you were heading towards labor as the day approaches or if your Dr. says you are getting close you could have him cancel. 

rubyjem00

I would tell him to go. My DH has mentioned a concert he wants to go to right before my EDD - like the night before. I think that he should go but he is refusing because he doesn't want me to be left alone. I have already arranged a friend to hang out with me that night in case something does happen and I know that DH can be reached by phone if need be.

If it is a big concern, I would just ask him to be cognizant of the fact that you might need him on short notice and hopefully he will take that to mean not to drink as much.

iluvmylab

BFab11:

I would ask him to stay home.  Wine country will always be there, but the birth of his son is a once in a lifetime event.

I'm leaning more towards this because you will be full term.  I don't get the whole "it's the last time I'll be able to do it" mentality.  It's not like having a child means your life is over.  It's just one small sacrifice that you make as a parent at the time.

I would tell him that I would prefer if he stayed. 

sagoon

I would tell him you'd prefer it if he didn't go.  I don't understand this mentality people have that fathers-to-be need to have 'one last hurrah' as if they will never have fun again after the baby gets here.  Moms-to-be certainly don't get one.

getnmarried910

sagoon:

I would tell him you'd prefer it if he didn't go.  I don't understand this mentality people have that fathers-to-be need to have 'one last hurrah' as if they will never have fun again after the baby gets here.  Moms-to-be certainly don't get one.

I don't get that mentality either.  Life isn't over.  There will be other chances to do something like this.  DH wouldn't even consider going anywhere once I'm not allowed to travel (which is now) because we've had a 36 weeker, a 38 weeker and a 38 or 39 weeker (depends on who you ask).  He'd rather sacrifice something like that than take even the slightest risk of missing the birth of his child.  But then, we don't like to be apart anyway.  He works so many hours we don't easily give up any time we do get together.

JoAnna914

iluvmylab:

BFab11:

I would ask him to stay home.  Wine country will always be there, but the birth of his son is a once in a lifetime event.

I'm leaning more towards this because you will be full term.  I don't get the whole "it's the last time I'll be able to do it" mentality.  It's not like having a child means your life is over.  It's just one small sacrifice that you make as a parent at the time.

I would tell him that I would prefer if he stayed. 

All of this.  My DH and I have a similar relationship to yours, OP, in that we don't tell each other what they can and can't do, and when he asks me if I mind if he does something, my response is generally "Do whatever you want; I'm not your parent."  However, I don't think we'd consider taking the risk of him being under the influence two hours away from me at this point.  Why risk him not being there?  Put into perspective: 30 years from now, would he most regret missing a wine tour, or missing the birth of his child? 

buggywhips

Dup. post

buggywhips

Thanks all.  I talked to  him last night and was actually now trying to talk him into going...not as a "last hurrah" type thing, but because I know how much fun he would have...if we had kids already I would want him to go.  He's not being all "My life will be oveeeeer!!!"  He is just clueless about the whole labor and delivery process and thinks my body sends me a memo a day or so before I go into labor, giving him time to cancel or be 100% confident I would not be going into labor that day.  After telling him that's absolutely the opposite of what happens, he decided to stay.

As to not getting sloshed in order to drive back just in case something did happen, he would have to abstain from drinking completely.  He has a commercial truck drivers license and they have a crazy strict blood alcohol level policy...like he can't be over .02 or something.  Ah well...I guess it's a good excuse to go back to Napa after LO gets here