question about adoption wording...

Hope2Have

Are you always sure to be "correct" when you're talking? Just general talking with friends/strangers, such as I catch myself referring to "having Hadley" like tonight I forgot to go pick up her pictures and told the lady "I used to be more organized until I had her..." Technically I didn't "have" her in the traditional way, but I think it sounds bad to say to a stranger "until I got her" without explaining my situation.

I'm not worried about it, doesn't bother me just wondering if others were always politically correct in the way you address things like that or just talk more normal?

DJB2010

Nope. I just talk normal.  If the subject comes up, like "oh you look great" comments I will usually say, "Thanks" out in public.  But if it is extended friends or someone that should know they are adopted I proudly say, "thank you, but I actually adopted him/her."  

And I think you did "have" her. She was born from your heart! So say it proudly!!  

PS, Hadley is super cute!!! 

Dr.Loretta

I don't really consider that being "politically correct". I usually use terminology that doesn't distinguish between adopting DD and giving birth, unless I'm with people who know she joined our family through adoption. So in your example, I'd say, "I used to be more organized until she came along."

But don't overthink it. You'll find your wording/language in time.

MarcyLT

I think "had" is an absolutely fine term to use. As an adoptee, I absolutely HATE the word "got" in reference to an adopted child. It makes me feel like.....merchandise. Like, "Honey, I got some milk at the store." It's just not enough for me. So I'd got with the traditional. My parents still use the word "had" when describing my brother and I at times.

MayDayGirl

i cant even think of what we say, but i know its not got. i must say "when aid came along" or "when she was born". i am sure i have even said "had", because i have caught myself saying things like: "i didnt have a c-section with either of my kids", or "i just started running after my baby too!" (oh wait.....i guess it doesnt count cuz i didnt birth her lol).

 

i think because my kids feel exactly the same and i gave birth to one i feel like i gave birth to both. plus i was so involved in the labor and delivery, the details are so clear to me.

 

say whatever you want. she is yours. one day you didnt have her and the next day you did

Hope2Have

MarcyLT:

I think "had" is an absolutely fine term to use. As an adoptee, I absolutely HATE the word "got" in reference to an adopted child. It makes me feel like.....merchandise. Like, "Honey, I got some milk at the store." It's just not enough for me. So I'd got with the traditional. My parents still use the word "had" when describing my brother and I at times.

I KNOW! I hate-hate-hate saying got, think I said it once in public and stopped my sentence in it's track b/c I was humiliated I had said it, just sounded wrong.

It's so funny, we were at the hospital when Hadley was born (although we never met the bmom) we had her with us seconds after her birth. Anyways, when we got home I was getting the bags out of the car and thought to myself "I should not be lifting all this weight..." lol

inlovewithB

I like this discussion! A lady I met recently with an 18 year old daughter said "the day I left the hospital with my daughter I weighed exactly the same as I did nine months earlier", another person at the table gave her a little push and said "yes, because she is adopted". At that point I had never heard that she was adopted. 

As long as our children know their history I think it is ok to let little things like "before I had her", "this is our first run/walk/outing since she was born" slip.

I was on the phone trying to exchange a newborn outfit and when I said we need this asap because the due date is quickly approaching the response was "Aww when are YOU due", I just replied as if I was pregnant...No need to explain everything to strangers IMO. 

inlovewithB

p.s. I cannot wait till we HAVE our baby

Ambie0611

inlovewithB:

p.s. I cannot wait till we HAVE our baby

 

Me Too!!! I love the wording Have - makes it feel more like a family.

buggerfly12

inlovewithB:

p.s. I cannot wait till we HAVE our baby

I say this all the time. It's not like it's a secret we're adopting, but we WILL have a baby... I just won't give birth to them. Sometimes an explanation takes more time than it's worth

MummyGruetzie

My go-to line is usually, "When DD came home to us". I'm with Dr. L on preferring language that doesn't draw attention to the adoption. I don't think that's how everyone needs to know our daughter.