Inviting Classmates to Birthday Party

hmr22

My son is turning 4 in December and there are 7 other children in his pre-school class. Do we have to invite all 7 or can we only invite the children my son wants to invite (assuming he doesn't want to invite all 7)?

angelakh

Our school's policy is that if you send the invites to school then every child has to receive one.  We have a directory to send individual invites out if we would like.

I would invite as many as your DS would like, 7 isn't bad. 

hmr22

His school has the same policy, and I agree 7 isn't bad, but there is one child that is mean to the rest of them, and I don't think my son will want to invite him, but I feel bad if we leave one out and invite all the others.

pea-kay

i'm inviting the whole class (the boys also turn 4 in december.) i think you're going to have to invite all 7. you can't just invite 6! imagine if that were your child.

hopefully, with the parents around, the other kid won't be a jerk.

jessica1080

In my experience only your childs bff's are going to come anyway.  I always invite them all and then expect only her 2 closest friends to actually come.  People are busy so if their child doesn't talk about your child at home they are not going to spend their weekend time and money for a present.  No offense, but I doubt even half would come anyway.  Invite them all. 

wwnbw

Yes I would invite them all. I think it would be really rude if you left out one child. I invited 12 and ONE came.

hmr22

Thanks everyone for the advice, I will invite all 7. Maybe the 'mean kid' won't come, maybe he will but I am sure his parent(s) will stay if he does since they don't know us, so hopefully he won't be mean to the others.

KristinKD

I don't think you need to invite everyone, but I don't think it's fair to only exclude one kid.

We are only inviting DD1's two best friends from school as she also wants to invite five other friends outside of school. I mailed the invitations rather than sending them through school.

n&bcarlson

With only 7, I would feel so bad about the one or two who didn't get invited.  I think you really need to invite everyone.  If the class had 18 or 20, I think you could get away with just a few.  Our school policy is that they will send invites home with kids if you invite either the whole class or all the kids of one gender.  If you only invite a few, you have to take care of distributing invitations on your own (and the kids who do get invited shouldn't make anyone feel bad about it at school, of course).

Leila'sMommy

I don't get this "all or no body" talk. I wouldn't invite the mean kid, personally.

Would YOU have wanted the mean kid at YOUR birthday party when you were a kid? It stings, but kids have got to understand social consequences to their actions. If he finds out he wasn't invited, let that serve as a lesson - when you treat people badly, people do not want you around.

I'd invite only the friends who are closest to your LO and leave it at that.

 

shopgirl78

It's a rule at our school that is all or none.  

I invited all and got NONE for DS2 luckily we invited other friends too.   

howleyshell

Meh... my attitude is keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

I'd want the mean kid there so I could see him in action and get to know the parents.

In fact I want as many school kids as possible at my kids' parties at this age because I want to get to know as many of them as possible.

If there's one thing I've learned since my kids have been in school it's that kids often behave much much differently at school than they do with their parents around so I wouldn't stress about the "bad" kid ruining the party.

 

CD+AL

DS' school's policy is to invite all or none.  I suppose it's not really enforceable, but all the classes PK-8th are super small.  I don't see it as a big deal in our situation.

In your situation, I think it would be pretty awful to single out one 4 year old.  If they were 12, then maybe, but I don't think a 4yo is going to understand that he didn't get invited bc he's "the mean kid."  Also, you might gain some valuable info about the kid that could help your DS befriend him.  You never know...Maybe his home life sucks or he's actually kind of shy or awkward and just needs some encouragement to be nice.  Maybe he just needs a friend.  Could be a good lesson for your DS too.  Or not...but you'll have more insight if you've actually met him and seen him in action.  Just a thought...

KathrynMD

yes, invite everyone.

I'd like to think the "cliques" don't start until the kids get older and hopefully the parents aren't the ones creating them.  A class is a "community" and everyone should be invited to community events.  It seems spiteful to me to "punish" a  little kid by not inviting him to a party. 

KL777

DS's school has the same policy.  You have to invite the entire class or none.