Does anyone else not get along with your mom?

HotChocolate79

This obviously isn't new but being pregnant highlighted to me all over again how different we really are, and crushed any hopes that I'd have a supportive friend in her.   My mom is such a contrast to my awesomely supprotive but long distance MIL, and I know I shouldn't compare but I can't help it.  Is anyone else dealing with this?  How do you cope? 

crystalrangel

I am right there with you! I have had a very rocky relationship with my mom for the last 4 years, due to her life choices that I am not okay with and now we are not on speaking terms. It hurts to not have her in my life right now but it has made me stronger. Before I found out I was pregnant we had a HUGE falling out where she said somethings that will take a LONG time to forgive. My SO's mother is super supportive and I love her. You just need to look at the positive and support you are getting from others. Hope things look up for you.

papeete

I can relate.  Two of my already-mommy friends were saying it was so nice to have their moms with them after they had their babies to help out, and I said no way, having my mom here would completely stress me out.  I love her, and we've gotten to an okay point, but there is no way I would be able to spend too much time with her without her driving me crazy. 

It's sad that we don't have that awesome relationship that many of you seem to have, but it's the reality for now.  Maybe things will change down the road... 

Unfortunately, my MIL was awesome-- one of the nicest people I'd ever met, but she passed away last December.  I'm really sad she won't be able to meet our little one, as she was the BIGGEST fan of babies and kids.  But thinking of her also serves as a good reminder to appreciate what you've got.  

bishigurlwcu

My mom and I dn't see eye to eye on well... about anything. And i'm trying to keep her really invovled in this pregnancy, i had a m/c very early in August and she told me that i "wasn't even pregnant so it's ok" so me and her don't really get along very well.

 I feel bad cause she wants to come up when the baby is born and help but i told her no, i think it would cause WAY to much stress in my life, but I'd rather have my step mom who is really nice and not so pushy but i know my mom would shoot me if i asked her instead of my own mother

cmb820

I lost my mom 7 years ago but my relationship with my dad has been rocky since then. So much so now that I've decided that it's best for me and my family to not really have contact with him anymore. His hurtful, selfish BS has already caused me 2 anxiety attacks (in a span of 10 days) that landed me in the ER each time.

Luckily my husband's family is great and I still have my brother and sister!

saenastarsley

My mom and I were pretty close since she was a single mother, but now she hasn't spoken to me since I told her I was pregnant except through the wedding RSVP. I will see her on Thanksgiving with the rest of my family, but FI and I are staying at my brother's unless my mom and I can work things through over the holiday. Good luck.

kyynel

My mother and I have never gotten along ever!!! I love my MIL and talk to her about everything! My mother still has not met my in-laws. My mother was not even allowed at my wedding. My mother is trying to get into the delivery room and I refuse! My husband has cursed her out several times and I think now she is getting the point. She actually is realizing that she wont be part of my family if she doesnt stop. All you can do is be firm and honest. At this point if your mother doesnt respect your decisions and be supportive then there is no way she will be when you have your child. If anything your mother will contradict your decisions and undermind you. Just good luck!

elviebird

My mom and I did not get along well at all when I was growing up- it was so bad that I vowed she would have nothing to do with my future kids. Well, she's calmed down a lot since all of us kids moved out and I'm really suprised at how supportive she's been. I hope it lasts because I would not tolerate her treating my kids he same way she treated me.

HotChocolate79

RamaOtster:

I just wrote this big long message but then realized that I'm not sure how you mean your mother is different. My mom drives me up the wall to the point that I would probably cut her out if she weren't my mother. Even now I try to minimize contact.

If your mom is just a horrible overbearing woman like mine that would be my recommendation. I'm dreading some of the conversations I'll have to have with her.

This.  And I am probably a horrible person for saying/thinking it.  I love her but do not like her, if that makes any sense, and it was always like that.  She was always all about "tough love" which to a child didn't feel like love at all, and a bucketload of critsism.  She critisized my looks, my friends, my school abilities, guys I dated, and everything else under the sun.  I don't recall her ever saying that she proud of me - and no, I wasn't a super special kid and didn't have any major talents, but it was a major, major blow to my self esteem that I feel to this day.  When I got older, it became my choice of partners, job, where I live, etc. - but according to her, I never do anything right.  We just never got along, we have nothing in common as far as interests, values, and convictions.

I moved out pretty young, and even though it had rather sad financial and other implications, I haven't regretted it for a second, and had I lived with her any longer, I would have probably been on heavy duty meds and psych disability.  Now we live 4 miles apart, but any time we talk about anything other than the weather and what shows she watched on TV, we bicker and argue.  I am not the kind of person to cut her out, and I've pleaded with her to just agree to disagree, but she has to be right and backing down is not her style. 

Sorry to let all that out here - I obviously don't talk about it to anyone IRL, so the only way I can vent is anonymously.   

sapgirl76

My mom died this March- it was the best thing that ever happened to our relationship.

When she was alive, I did a lot of nodding and smiling and then ignoring whatever she said.  Therapy and Al-Anon have also worked wonders.

gardenandread

I do not get along with my mother at all.  She despises my husband and does everything she can to cut him down and piss him off.  If she isn't doing that she is pretending that he doesn't exist.  When we told her we were expecting the first time she locked herself in her room for a whole night before she would acknowledge the pregnancy.  I try really hard to include her in our lives, but she drives me crazy when she is around.  My husband and I moved to Wyoming from Ohio- and so far it is the best thing that happened to our relationship with her.