When He Won't Let Go - LONG

FyreFlyeRush

I broke up with my baby's father nearly a month ago, after a month of us going back and forth on what controlling and clinging is.  We?d been together for 2 months when I got pregnant. I lived in Tulsa for the first two months, and the relationship SEEMED fairly easy. I should have caught on when 2 weeks into it, and I was back in Tulsa, that he said this long distance thing was killing him.  I just thought he missed me.  Now, before I get too much into this, let me say he?s 31 and I?m 34. This kind of drama is something I left behind in high school.

 

When I moved back to Texas, the relationship took on a typical early relationship honeymoon phase. We spent a lot of time together. Did stuff together, etc. For about two weeks. Then, I started noticing things that were a trigger for me. He told me I couldn?t cut my hair. I wore it short in an anime style. He told me I should wear a dress. I said I wear jeans and an ironic  tshirt, and that he could take it or leave it. He said I should do it for HIM. My response was no woman should change who she is for anyone but herself. He would get upset if I was texting my friends in Tulsa while we were together. He got irritated if I texted my daughter. He wouldn?t leave his room if I wasn?t there. He just stayed in bed and slept all day or moped.  He started getting mad if I wanted to go to the store without him. He had to drive everywhere. I wasn?t allowed to.

 

By this point, I?m starting to realize it isn?t going to work. I?ve been doing stuff myself since 19. I am way too independent for a guy who can?t even be apart from his girl friend of 2 months for more than a day. I?m also starting to think I might be pregnant, but I?m hoping I?m not. I don?t want to be. But, I am. And, I?m at a loss. I decide to try and stick it out a bit.

 

Wrong move. My pregnancy just exacerbates his control issues. I can?t do anything without him. He texts, pm?s or calls me constantly. I?m really sick. My m/s kicked in at week 5 and is just now easing back. I just want to curl under the covers and sleep. He had to be there with me. I wanted to take a bath. He had to sit there in the bathroom with me. I wanted to play a video game. He had to sit over my shoulder and watch. I demanded he give me space or said the relationship was over. He left me alone for a couple of days. But, then I learned he was refusing to eat or socialize. He wouldn?t go out with his friends. He didn?t talk to his parents who lived in his house. He wouldn?t leave his room.

 

A friend finally convinced him to go to Oktoberfest. He got drunk off his arse, drove 120mph down the highway drunk, and posted it on FB. He told me it was MY fault. I took away his drug (aka me), so he was acting out.  If I would just let him see me, he wouldn?t have to act this way.

 

I couldn?t take it. I ended things permanently

 

But, he can?t let it go. I changed my relationship status on FB, and his still says in a relationship. He still tells people we?re together. The ones who know we aren?t, he?s told we?re getting back together. He told me the only reason I broke up with him is because of the baby, and that once the baby is born, I?ll go back to myself. I don?t know how to be anymore clear.  How do I get him to accept it?s over? How do I get him to move on? His response to that is he will never be with anyone else because he has a baby now.

 

I?m borderline terrified of him. Something isn?t right there. He?s told me he?s not controlling or clingy, and that I?m exaggerating.    I?m so desperate, I?m tempted to create a fake boyfriend.

 

Unknown

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PrettyInPearls23

I hope you printed the FB post about him getting drunk and driving 120mph on the highway. That's good proof of his reckless and dangerous behavior. If he wants to seek visitation of the baby, you're going to need as much proof as you can get.

PP had good advice about getting some kind of order of protection. The guy sounds like he could slip off the deep end with a blink of an eye.

FyreFlyeRush

Thanks. I'm printing up texts between us. Unfortunately, someone clued him into the pictures on FB of him driving 120mph weren't very smart, and he pulled them down the next day. I've got the text where he told me it was my fault he got drunk and acted like that.

I think I needed to get it out. Our mutual friends keep making excuses for him. Saying that he's just sulking or pouting. Sulking or pouting isn't license to make you a jackass. I've shut him out of my pregnancy. I felt guilty until I realized I have to do what's right for US. And, US is my fifteen year old, my baby and me. It doesn't include him.