Am I being unreasonable (NBR)?

katieboo82

So I have not lived at "home" since 2005.  I joined the Army, served for 5 years.  Now I'm married to my husband who is also Active Duty military.  We moved to Germany in August of last year.  I have not been home in a year and a half.  I will be home for Christmas.  This is the first time my family will see my daughter since she was 4 months old.  I emailed my sisters asking what our plans were for Christmas.  We are meeting at one of my sister's house on Christmas Eve, spending Christmas morning with my grandparents, then going back to the same sister's house after that.  My oldest sister then informed me that her in-laws will be in town (they are from ND and MN) and she will not be spending Christmas with us, she will see me early on in my visit.  I am upset by this.  This is not the first time she has told me she could not see me on a visit because of her in-laws being in town. I do know she said she will see me, but I would like to spend Christmas with her and my nephews.   She sees her in-laws several times a year.  I don't see why she can't attend at least one family event during Christmas with her family and leave her husband with his family.  Am I being unreasonable in thinking this way?

fryrat

It's not unreasonable for anyone to think that, but it's also not fair for you to ask her to drop everything for you. In other words, think wisely before you say anything to her about it. We have family that is the same way. Honestly, I'd just be happy with getting to see them at all. The fact of the matter is that they may have developed traditions with the other family members that the are used to, and don't want to break from the familiar. Think of how you might react, having all these plans to see your family, then DH's family all of a sudden says they want to see you while you're in town. You would squeeze them in, but you wouldn't change everything for them.

 

My family was already making Christmas plans months ago.  You never know what commitments they have already made, like bringing the main dish! Yeah, it sucks, but be glad for the time you do get to spend with them.

kitcat6351

I have to agree with PP. It is totally reasonable and normal for you to feel the way you feel about it, of course you want to spend Christmas with your sister and your nephews! But she has a family that she has to think about the same as you do. Her in-laws are her sons' grandparents, so it is fair for her to want their family unit to spend Christmas together when they are in town. How far away is she? If she is a quick drive away in the same town or the next one over, you should invite her to stop by for a little while. But be ready for her to decline if they want a relaxed Christmas at home. Maybe she'll invite you over for a while that day. But if you are further apart, you might just have to accept seeing her earlier in your trip and celebrating Christmas then... sorry, because I understand it isn't what you hoped for. Everyone has to do what works for their family and their traditions...

allisonmarie22

I personally would not "leave" my husband on Christmas and separate our family for any holiday event. You mentioned nephews so I'm assuming your sister has her own children. I think that when you become a parent Christmas becomes about your traditions and your family (meaning SO, children), and I'm sure your sister is doing what she feels is best for her family. 

I don't know the entire situation, but there may be some other circumstances you are not aware of. For example, my situation, DH's family lives in MD and my parents live here with us in GA. We spend every other Christmas with his family. Period. He doesn't get to see his parents often and although my parents live much closer there is still a 2.5 hour distance between us, so I don't get to see mine often either. Our every other Christmas deal is set in stone, no matter what happens, what long lost relative comes to visit, etc. That may not be the case here, but I'm just saying that your family unit is not the only one that you should be taking into consideration here. I'm sure your sister has her reasons for planning her family's Christmas the way she did.

Sorry you got your feelings hurt, though.

katieboo82

I am not asking her to spend all of Christmas with us.  Just come have dinner with us on Christmas Eve.  We have always spent Christmas Eve together as a family, it's our tradition.  Her SO normally will not attend our family events, so she would just come to them with her and her sons.  So it's actually not unusual for her to attend a Christmas Eve function without her husband.   She will not invite me over as long as her in-laws are over.  I do not know why, she just will not do this.  But all I would like is the consideration of a couple hours on Christmas Eve. 

roxygulrjax

It sucks, I'm sure.  But in all honesty, it's her choice.  That's how she and her family chose to spend their holiday.  I wouldn't fret too much...don't let it spoil your time home with the rest of your family.