- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
March 2012 Moms
Keeping baby name a secret? Why?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Keeping baby name a secret? Why?
We're keeping it a secret for 2 reasons...
1. Everyone wants to give you their opinion on the name you pick... and it's shocking how rude some people can be if they don't like the name!
2. We figure we'll let everyone know the gender, so we'll keep one think a surprise
If we ever decide, we'll probably keep it a secret because there's always a chance we'll change our minds at the last minute. We're probably going to use a family name, and I'd hate to get our family all excited about a name and then use something else if it doesn't fit the baby. We might share some ideas with friends though, because they won't care as much
Lost our first angel, 10/24/08 7w6d
Proud mama to Cameron
Lost our second angel, 2/16/11 8w
Proud mama to Melanie
This is our reasoning as well. Keeping it a secret for us has nothing to do with others' opinions or judgment, I really don't expect criticism from the people in our lives. It's just special to have something between the 2 of us for now.
It's also somewhat of a religious/superstitious thing- I'm not very superstitious but it's Jewish tradition to not name a baby til after they're born, so our choice is in that spirit. Finally, we want to reserve the right to change it when we meet her if we feel it doesn't fit, although I really don't think that will happen.
I'm surprised people have such strong opinions on this. ::Shrugs::
I feel that way too, don't know how to explain it. It feels sort of like talking to an imaginary friend or determining who the baby is going to be for them before they are born and are able to show their own personality. My friend has her name picked out an talks about him all the time by his name, I just feel like it's weird acting as if he's already in the room. And no, I don't have any problem bonding with my babies, I didn't even want to take my eyes off my son to sleep.
This is at the core of our choice not to share names beforehand and the reason I don't really think of the baby by name until it's out. It just wasn't how I was raised. But as I said before, I understand I'm on the minority on this board.
Biggest reason for us is that we don't want to have the feedback from some of the more judgmental family (and friends) we have. We actually had a family dinner a few weeks back and my SIL shared the name they've chosen for their baby (due in May). My mother was displeased, I just don't want to deal with that.
Our second reason is that we've seen friends announce the name and then change it after they've met the baby. We've settled on a girl's name and are close to settling on a boys name but not totally discounting other names until naming day.
I'm with you sister!
I LOVE the name Aioffe (it's a traditional Irish name) for a girl, and told a couple of people... no one else really liked it (which is fine, I suppose) but a couple of people had the neve to say "no. don't do that to the child". Um... there are plenty of women who have survived with that name. We won't be using the name anyways b/c DH doesn't like it, but since those reactions, I've been pretty quite about what we've been thinking.
Besides, once the baby comes, everyone will just say "awwwwwwwww" and won't be as quick to judge the name once there is a little person attached to it.
We're still not 100% set on a name, but I've taken to responding to the names question with "What do you think we should name the baby?" Then, they typically go off and give me a list, and I thank them for their good ideas.
Just wanted to say I'm with you mrsgee... I get that some people like to use the name, but I think that we'll probably even end up going to the hospital with 2 boy names and 2 girl names - and see if one suits him or her better.
I'm not even that comfortable giving my unborn child a nickname (like peanut or whatever) for the time being either. I feel the most comfortable when talking to them just calling him or her "baby" for the time being.
iow- I don't think you're weird ;-) (or at least we can be weird together!)
heart!
We didn't share DD1's name b/c I didn't want to spend the rest of my pregnancy hearing "oh you're continuing the 'M' name tradition!!" from my incredibly huge family. I am 1 of 6 kids (ironically its a blended family) that has an "M" name, plus have two cousins, two nephews, a niece, and my parents' dogs with "M" names. *sigh* I'd actually told DH no "M" names but then he suggested the most perfect name and I fell in love with it. The butthead
So we didn't b/c I was being selfish and cranky. I was tired of my mom/others bothering me about names and didn't really want to hear any comments on it.
We told with DD2 just b/c DD1 knew the name and we used it frequently to help her adjust to upcoming changes. We'll probably eventually tell, but we're still narrowing down names. We have one picked, but still need to decide on the other one, then have to pick which boy gets what name... Ugh. I'm in no rush to share right now.
We are not keeping it a secret, however we do have 2 names that we will go to the hospital with and have been very open about sharing them both when people ask. I sometimes get opinions in favor of one name or the other, sometimes I get a polite response that means they don't really like it but wouldn't tell me how to name my child. Thankfully I haven't encountered anyone so far who's been rude enough to insult or argue about the name.
In return, I'm trying not to be "that person" when my cousin posts her names, unless she's asking for opinions, and then I try to be polite in steering her toward a different name and not tell her the name is horrible, even if I think it is.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
I had friends who kept it a secret so they'd have a big announcement following delivery. Everyone knew they were having a boy, but the name was the surprise.
We wanted to keep ours a secret because we wanted to see if the name "fit" baby once he/she arrived. At my shower we announced we were keeping names a secret, and my MIL turned around and announced our original boy name to the room. Plus for a boy name, we were still debating between 2 names and really had to wait to see which one fit. My sister really hated our boy name and kept trying to pressure us to change it. Only once our baby was born did she get on board and say you're right, that's his name.
For some people, it's really their style to share ahead of time. For me, that seems odd. It used to be that people knew you were pregnant, then you had the baby and people said, what'd she have, what'd they name it, how big? Now, it seems like less excitement. Oh, baby Susie arrived. Oh, good. JMO
So why are you even bothering to choose a name now? Shouldn't you just worry about it once the baby is born and has a chance to let their personality shine?
Hey, no offense to you, you have had your name chosen since before you were pregnant and that's your prerogative. It's a lovely name. I personally feel awkward calling babies by a chosen name before they're here and even if I have a specific name in mind would rather wait to "label" him after he's here. The predetermined name might not fit when the time comes. That doesn't mean I can't select one that I like the best now and keep an open mind. I had a friend who told us her little boy's name, called him that for months while she was pregnant, than ended up naming him something completely different.
Thanks. Yes it's been chosen since before I got pregnant because she is named after a really important family member that unfortunately passed away before she will ever get to meet her. I hope that sharing a name with that person makes her feel very proud when she gets older. Passing down names has been a tradition in my family forever.
What works in my family might not work in yours or in some other people's and that's fine with me. But my hackles go up when I get labeled weird or creepy because of that. (Not that you labeled me creepy, but someone else said it was.)
I'm with you on this Salt.
Hey they could always do what my friends parents did with him and his sisters: give them a middle name and let them pick out their first name when they got older. My friend named himself Scott, middle name was Tao and the last name is really French (I can't spell it for the life of me). His sisters were named Chi and Zen but I don't know if they took on first names since they always went by Chi and Zen.
And did you notice the trend his parents used: Tao, Chi, Zen. Since their last name was so French sounding she wanted to use Asian names since she (the mom) is Asian.
I guess that's me... I didn't realize I had to be so specific: it feels weird to ME to call MY child by a name before s/he is born. I realize it makes other people feel warm and fuzzy and connected, and that's great. Everyone has to do what makes them feel right. And of course naming for someone is a lovely thing (and something we hope to do, once we figure out a name). But naming the child before they are born (by which I mean, choosing a name and really giving it to the child by calling the child by the name, etc.) is not something I am used to and it makes me uncomfortable. That's all I meant, and it was not directed at you.
Okay thanks. I guess I just took it a little too personally. I apologize.
No problem. We're good.
With DD, it felt very natural and "right" to use her name before she was born. This time, it feels odd to me for some reason. We're not 100% set on a name yet though, but we have tried calling him different things just to test it out. Doesn't seem right yet!
I agree!! We will not be sharing a name either and probably won't even have one picked out until the little guy is here. What we are doing is making a list of names that we do like so we have those as options. Our DD didn't have a name until the night before she came home. What I have noticed is that as soon as you tell someone the gender they want to know the name. What's up with that?
Dewey's name is a secret because he doesn't have a name yet. We currently have two names we like (Nathan and Benjamin), but what if he pops out and doesn't look like either? I want the chance to do a name change last minute.
Also, I really am sick of everyone telling me about the people they know named Ben and Nate and why I shouldn't give my baby that name because this person that you went to school with 30 years ago was a jerk. Don't you know, you're not changing my mind? You're just annoying me!
I *really* love Pinterest!
This exactly!!!! LOL Im not gonna cahnge my mind, although my FI might only because he cant make up his mind on ANYTHING until it comes down to the last second. I just find it SO ANNOYING....shut up I dont care if i wanted your opinion I would ask you what you thought not just tell you what we choose (if we can ever decide)
We have told a few people (mostly family and the ladies I work with who refer to him as Mason whenever I have a doctor's appointment they'll ask how he is
) But other than that, we won't share on Facebook or to friends because I don't want to hear anyone's opinion on how they knew a Mason who was absolutely terrible, or anything like that.
Just personal preference I guess but no real good reason other than I don't want my DH's great-aunt telling me how she hates the name and I should name him Harold or Beuford (no I'm not kidding about the last one either).
We are not sharing the name before the baby is born for the simple reason that we do not care to hear other people's opinions about the names we chose. We would not change our mind either way, but it is super annoying to hear what everyone thinks about it and I imagine it would be disappointing to hear people say they don't like it.
After the baby is born and has been named people are much less likely to give their opinion, because for some reason it would be considered rude after but not before. I know of a few times when people I know have commented about a baby's name after they were born, but would never dare say anything directly to the parens because they would look like an a$$. Of course there are people that will say stuff no matter what, but they just make themselves look stupid when they say something after the baby is born and named. My MIL commented on my nephew's name after he was born, and now she is hounding us about what we will name our child. Like I need that aggravation for the next 4 months.
It is very common where I am from to not tell the name, so people kind of expect that you won't share it when they ask. Like I said, I wouldn't change my mind about the names but I probably would be disappointed if I heard a lot of people say they don't like them.