NBR etiqutte question

helloshannon

so DH and i were invited to a "jack and jill" wedding shower for DH's ex girlfriend from high school. we were invited to the wedding too but it is new years eve in FL so not going to that! i think the shower is really weird and tacky but DH wants to go. they are CHARGING ADMISSION of $40 per couple. i can't figure out if that is to cover the shower (catered at a VFW with food and raffles) or as the gift.

If we go, should I bring a seperate gift? I can't decide what is the right thing to do. it's hard to be polite in a rude situation!!

 

Thanks for any help!

indomesticbliss

Admission to a shower??? I wouldn't go.

I would just send a gift to them for their wedding...

BFab11

I wouldn't go, that's ridiculous.  I would send a gift since you aren't going to the wedding, but skip the tacky shower.

helloshannon

opps! bump burp

helloshannon

indomesticbliss:

Admission to a shower??? I wouldn't go.

I would just send a gift to them for their wedding...

my thoughts exactly! DH really wants to go though to see her family i guess. ugh!

Nessie82

Jack and Jill's are popular in my area of the state. I have never been to one because I think they are tacky but usually the reason people have them is to raise money FOR the wedding.

Usually they will rent a bar or a hall like a VFW and charge admission and everyone just hangs out. I don't even think they do games or anything. I also have never heard of bringing gifts. The ones I have known about, the bride gets a seperate shower.

ETA: here is a wikipedia article about these parties. They are called something different in Canada and abroad.

teetime345

RedheadBaker:

Charging admission?? I'd skip it completely, or not bring a gift. 

Yeah, this!

I'm not Miss Manners or anything and don't always follow proper etiquette guidelines, but I'm pretty sure it is NOT proper etiquette to invite people to an event and expect them to pay an admission fee... UNLESS it's some sort of charity thing.  However, if this was some kind of combined wedding thing and a charity thing, I would think you would know it ahead of time.  Without knowing the purpose of the admission charge, I wouldn't go.  Maybe mail them any kind of gift you would have given them at the shower/reception or wedding instead.

PecanSam

I have never heard of such a thing but did read the article that the PP posted. I think it's tacky unless they live somewhere where it is a normal custom. If it was a very young relative then I would probably attend something like that but considering this is an ex-girlfriend of your DH, I would not feel the need to fund their wedding, especially with a baby on the way.

I would send send a gift for the wedding and that's it.

tosh24

This is very common where I live, so I don't find it tacky at all. It's not common in my family, but most of my friends have a "jack and jill" or "stag and doe".

In my culture, the woman gets a bridal shower and the man gets a stag. The price of stag tickets can vary greatly depending on what is being offered that night. DH's stag tickets were $70 a pop. For that, guests (men only) got a full 3 course meal, open bar all night long, DJ, and tons and tons of games with awesome prizes (flat screen TV, 6 burner "man" BBQ, etc.). Pretty much, it's to make money for the bride and groom. But again, I'm Italian and this is the custom in our culture. The combined "jack and jill" is like having the bridal shower and stag together in one place, for everyone to attend. My guess is, she's not having a separate bridal shower (and if she is, THAT would be tacky).

If you're not going to the wedding, I'd bring a gift to the jack and jill.

helloshannon

tosh24:

This is very common where I live, so I don't find it tacky at all. It's not common in my family, but most of my friends have a "jack and jill" or "stag and doe".

In my culture, the woman gets a bridal shower and the man gets a stag. The price of stag tickets can vary greatly depending on what is being offered that night. DH's stag tickets were $70 a pop. For that, guests (men only) got a full 3 course meal, open bar all night long, DJ, and tons and tons of games with awesome prizes (flat screen TV, 6 burner "man" BBQ, etc.). Pretty much, it's to make money for the bride and groom. But again, I'm Italian and this is the custom in our culture. The combined "jack and jill" is like having the bridal shower and stag together in one place, for everyone to attend. My guess is, she's not having a separate bridal shower (and if she is, THAT would be tacky).

If you're not going to the wedding, I'd bring a gift to the jack and jill.

that is so interesting, i have never heard of it before. it is certainly not the norm in new england. i guess between how it is being held and the fact that it is DH's ex (1 of 2 serious exes) and i don't know anyone who will be there. it is not my favorite option. dinner and dancing sounds fun except for the heart burn and the waddling!!

iluvmylab

That is crazy.  I've heard of Jack & Jill showers before, but around here, it just means that both men and ladies are invited.  I've NEVER heard of charging admission for a shower.  That is so strange (and rude) to me.  I probably would not bring a gift if I had to pay to go.

tanya_1984

I'm used to these too, common where I'm from in Canada... but I've never heard of a $40 admission! That is ridiculous and totally tacky/greedy!

Usually people charge $2-3 for tickets to the "Shag" or "Stag and Doe", they rent a hall, and they sell cheap drink tickets and raffle tickets for prizes that the couple have gotten from friends/family/local businesses. I know people who have raised $7000-10,000 from one of these events. Really, they're like an informal engagement party to make money for their upcoming wedding.

I've never seen anyone bring a gift to one of these events.

They're really popular in my hometown and students usually make up for most of the attendance because of cheap drinks, loud music, and prizes.... lol, always a good time, and we always went to the "Shags" of people we didn't even know.