Blended Families

So mad right now...

I really could throw something.  I planned a campfire at our local pumpkin patch over 2 months ago. Put down the deposit, invited everybody, lined up the catering, etc.  It's a big deal.  It happens to be in conjunction with our BFs daughter's birthday, so it's a whole big thing.

Well...3 weeks ago SD (12) dented the hell out of my van.  I have five long creases in my quarterpanel, and DH told SD she was grounded until she got five estimates on the cost to fix it.  (Then she has to do the jobs to earn the money to fix it, but she isn't grounded anymore.)  BUT - then she got grounded even further for lying and late assignments at school.

SO - DH made it clear to SD this week that if she didn't get off her behind and get the estimates for the van, she wasn't going to the campfire today.  As of yesterday, she hadn't done anything.  So, he took the afternoon off, to take her around and get it done - well, they only got 1 done.  So, he told her to get up this AM and find out which shops were open, so they could do the rest.  Nope, she slept 'til noon.  So...needless to say, it's not done.

I had also lined up a babysitter, one of my daughter's friends, to come sit over here with her in case she didn't get it done.  Well, the babysitter backed out.

So, now we're SOL. One of us  has to stay home and miss the party.  I want DH to go, because one of the recurring themes with SD is her trying to keep her dad to herself, so if he stays home, she achieves that.  I want to go, because I planned this, I'm the SAHM, and I really want to get out and have a good time with my family and friends.

I just want to scream.  This is something that has gone on and on and on with this child.  I can't even tell you how many fun things our other kids have missed out on because this child was grounded.  I can't tell you how many times one of us has stayed home with her, while the other takes the kids and tries to salvage the experience, that just ends up not being as much fun cuz we're not all there.

Grrrr.

Really want to throw something.  I'm going to go cry instead.  I'm pg.  I can blame the hormones. 

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Re: So mad right now...

  • I would take her but make her sit and read a book and do a report on it. Then she can see just what she is missing out on by misbehaving. If she dosent then take away everything that is fun to her and make her earn them back with good behavior. Sometimes drastic measures must be taken to get thru to some kids. Its not like you would be beating her or chaining her in a corner.Just making her learn some responsiblity.
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  • Unfortunately, it will be too dark for her to read, or we'd have done that.  But - she's been allowed to do this many times in the past - still go when she's grounded, just not participate.  It hasn't changed her behavior.  So - that's why DH said this time she wasn't going unless she took some initiative on the estimates. (He wanted to see that she took this seriously, and once again, no.)

    Thankfully, my friend just called.  She asked her sister (a crazy Mormon with six kids of her own!!!) to babysit.  I feel bad having to have her watch our daughter, given that SD is 12, but at the same time, I feel like it's important that she sees she didn't get to ruin the party for any of us.  So...the night is somewhat salvaged.  Thankfully, I know the sister, so I'm comfortable with them babysitting...it just seems so ridiculous to have to jump through these hoops.

    Gah. It's just so frustrating to go through all of this time and again, and this child is TWELVE.  What will we be going through when she's 15?

    Granted, our next challenge is going to be halloween.  I don't think it's dawned on this kid that she's not going, not even dressing up, if she doesn't make some effort here.

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  • I am glad that it is working out for you, and you and your DH will be able to go to the party and she wont be able to ruin your fun.  Have a good time, enjoy yourself and don't thin about your SD at all.  You deserve this!
  • As an added bonus I would go online and find some age appropriate worksheets for her to do while she's over there.


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  • She spent the whole evening wrangling my friend's sister's four youngest kids.  She's got two 5 year olds and 2 three year olds , and one of the three year olds has an INCREDIBLE amount of energy, so...I think she was kept suitably busy! 

    All in all, everything worked out very well, and we had a FANTASTIC time out at the pumpkin patch.  I will say though - sitting on hay bales all night with my pregnant hiney was not the most comfortable thing ever!

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  • I'm glad things worked out for you!!  I have a SD who is 9 (will be 10 in 2 wks.) and it's the same story.  I'm so frustrated that I fantasize about leaving her behind somewhere.  She craves her dad's attention -wether good or bad!!  Good luck on Halloween. 
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