At least you got pregnant...

tombomb84

So to say that I'm not dealing well with our recent loss would be an understatement. I decided to tell a few close friends thinking that having some support and not feeling so alone might help. Well literally every person I told responded with "well at least you got pregnant". Personally, this statement makes me so angry and doesn't make me feel better at all. Is it just me being sensitive right now or is that not a comforting thing to hear?

kelnyc

Not comforting. At.All. But they are just trying to comfort you and don't know what else to say. Try to cut them some slack.  ((hugs))

byrne15

no...it freaking sucks.

no....not at least i got pregnant!  i am still currently unpregnant.

keliser

All I can say is, I'm sorry. I really hope things start looking up for you.

Trish11278

I am so sorry!  I just had this conversation with DH at dinner.  He says that to "help" me but I tell him that that doesn't mean anything.  Yes, we can get pg but that doesn't mean we can have a take home baby.

I am so sorry you had to deal with that.  Remember we are always here for an ear.  (((HUGS)))

kellyrn9956

It's tough for me too. Although my pregnancy was more than I ever had before, I am in constant fear that although we did get pregnant without treatment once, it took over two years. Who's to say that it won't take another two to do it again??? DH wanted to stop treatment, and said "Look, we can do it on our own". Yeah, let's just wait until I am 40 to let it happen again...Argh.

Hang in there. It's so tough.

Gregermis

After my c/p, when I told myself that... it felt a bit comforting.  When someone else said it... made me want to completely break down.  So I hear you!

 ((((((HUGS)))))

It will get better, and then worse, and then better again... IR really is a roller coaster.  FU IF!

ccam

Yeah, that's not comforting at all. I heard it from my best friend, too, along with "at least you weren't further along"....

bandwife928

Gregermis:

After my c/p, when I told myself that... it felt a bit comforting.  When someone else said it... made me want to completely break down.  So I hear you!

 ((((((HUGS)))))

It will get better, and then worse, and then better again... IR really is a roller coaster.  FU IF!

I totally agree with this!  My IVF nurse told me this when my c/p was confirmed.  I trust her totally so when she said it like it was a good thing, I decided to take it as such.  When random dummies say it, I don't listen to them anymore than I listened to the same people who told me to relax. 

kerivp

It is really hard to hear, especially right after you experience a loss.

I also hate hearing that 'at least you have your son'.  Great.  Thanks so much.  It is so comforting to know that I got pregnant 3 years ago and I might not ever be able to provide my son with a little brother or sister.  

(((hugs)))

Blueyed228

The last person who said that to me I wanted to slap.  It doesnt make the loss any less painful.  Im sorry you are having to deal with this.

zookbride

Oh that sucks. I know people don't know what to say...but what happened to a simply "I'm sorry"???

I do have to say that after my c/p (almost 2 years ago now) I did feel some comfort knowing that I DID at least get pg... but that hasn't really helped much (obviously since its been almost 2 years!) 

kaleidoskpeyez

I think it's a misguided effort to comfort you. They probably don't know what else to say, and therefore forget that the ultimate goal here is not just to achieve pregnancy... it's to achieve parenthood. Responding to grief can make people say stupid things. I'm sure they mean to be helpful, but I absolutely understand how their comments might do more harm than good. I'd be upset too.

That being said, I want to extend my deepest sympathy for your loss. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this awful situation at all. Thoughts and prayers are with you!

SMF&ADS091507

That is not a comforting thing to hear and I am so sorry that you have to listen to it.

Robeano

I agree, I got that statement a lot after my first m/c, and it was true to a degree.

After the second one, not helpful. Cuz I didn't get a take home baby and just being pregnant and losing it is WORSE than not ever not being pregnant.

*Sigh* but I'm too nice to say anything to people, I just smile and say yup.

RileyGrace

First, I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  It sucks. 

My RE said that to me during my cp.  I wanted to punch him in the face.  I was so pissed.  But after I stopped crying I realized that he was right.  It does not in anyway bring comfort to your loss.  Not at all.  It doesn't make the pain go away, it doesn't help the tears stop.  But from a medical point of view, it was good to know that my body was able to get pregnant with IUI.  It falls into the same category of knowing that I'm a slow responder, knowing the Clomid does nothing but kill my lining, etc.  My cp was after IUI#2.  My RE often recommends IVF after 3 IUIs.  Because of my cp and that we have no MFI issues he told us we could try more then 3 if we wanted to being moving on.  Being OOP that was good information.

However, this in no way makes the loss any easier to deal with.  Having someone tell you that as comfort is ignorant.  I'm sure they mean well, but it almost made me feel worse, like my loss was being minimized.  I still cry about mine from time to time.  I got my sticky the cycle right after and it still took probably 4-5 months for me to not think about it very often.  The loss doesn't go away, but it eventually gets easier to deal with.

I'm so sorry.  (((hugs)))

MandaS08

Its not comforting at all!  I'm going through the same thing and with both losses people always say, well at least you know you can get pregnant.  Which doesn't help at all if I can't stay pregnant, and I feel like it totally minimizes the loss.  People think they are helping when really they have no clue. Huge hugs!

ajoy1332

Ugh that's definitely not comforting. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that.

BlueEyeZ1981

I'm sorry your dealing with insensitive people, they probably don't mean it in a bad way but the timing isn't right. As others have said a simple I'm sorry would be much better.  ((((HUGS))))