Am I being selfish?

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KenneyGoulette

Absolutely not!! This is such a special time for you and your husband and I know family will be chomping at the bit but I think that if you explain this o them they will agree...remember they all got to have (or will get to) have their own experiences with their own babies. This is your time! 

MAprincess

I would be the same as you.  For me, I did not have people in the waiting room.  People stayed away from the hospital until DH and I settled into my room and were ready to receive guests.  Everyone respected this.

That said, is there a medical reason why they have to take the baby away like that?  Otherwise, I'd request that the baby stays with me.  DS was given to DH and handed to me to hold while I was still in surgery and then they kept him there so I could hold him in recovery also.  See if they will allow this for you.

pepomntpat

NO!  I am so glad I had LO at night and no one was there except for my husband. I was angry enough that I was separated from DD for so long. I would have been devastated if everyone else had held her first. You are not selfish. She is YOUR baby. 

ETA: Also, you can keep your baby with you. Your hospital may say it is against their policy, but they can't legally take your LO away without your consent. I wish I had insisted on keeping DD with me. My only regret....but it's a big one. 

canthardlywait426

I understand this fear as it was my reality. I barely got to touch DS, and he was whisked away. DH went with him, and everyone was able to see him through the nursery window for several hours before I got to see him.

If this is a fear of yours voice it before its too late and you wish you had. 

akayf

Talk to your OB.   Make your wishes known.   Talk to DH.   Make sure he knows what you want and will fight for it in case you are groggy from meds or something and can't advocate for what you want.

No you are not being selfish.  

I don't understand why hospitals insist on taking babies away right away if there is  no medical need.   My son had to whisked away to special care/Level 2 NICU so that is understandable.   But a perfectly healthy baby?  I don't get it. They don't whisk away vaginal births right away so why do they do it with c-sections.

toriwc

Fortunately, my hospital's policy keeps the baby with mom, but I made sure to make it abundantly clear to DH that no one else was to hold her or even see her before I did.  I did this in the event that I would be unable to speak for myself, which ended up being the case.  Thankfully, we don't have pushy families in that regard, but still, I wanted to be the first (aside from DH) to hold her.  DH and LO were waiting for me in recovery.  He could have easily taken her two doors down to the grandparents because I was a while to get in there, but he didn't.

holly321

It isn't at all selfish, you carried the child, you should get to see/ hold it first.  It isn't fair otherwise.  This comes from someone who had to get knocked out and didn't get to meet their child for several hours and other people did.

Annie984

canthardlywait426:

I understand this fear as it was my reality. I barely got to touch DS, and he was whisked away. DH went with him, and everyone was able to see him through the nursery window for several hours before I got to see him.

If this is a fear of yours voice it before its too late and you wish you had. 

 This, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get to touch him at all.  They spent three hours looking at him before I got to see him for 45 seconds.

 

Stand up for yourself, mama!

mamajanna28

No you are not being selfish.  I did not want anyone holding my little one before I had the chance to do so.  I told the nurses that NO ONE was to see him before I was back from the recovery except for my DH.  I was allowed to hold him while I was stiched up and he was taken back to the room while I was in recovery (around 45 minutes).  The nurses and my DH went with LO.  The nurses checked the room to make sure that everyone was out (they had to kick my sister and mom out!) and left DH with LO alone in the room to wait for me.  I returned to the room and spent some time cuddling with LO and breastfeeding.  The nurses didn't allow anyone into my room until I gave the okay.  I wouldn't have done it any other way.  My DH and LO have a very strong bond and I believe that part of that is due to the time they spent with each other alone after the birth.  I came into the room to find DH singing and dancing with my newborn.  It was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen!

magdalina.h

It blows my mind that hospitals take the baby away. Lucas stayed with me and I held him while I was being closed up. I held him while we were wheeled back to our room. That's when MH went to tell our parents that he was here and we were good.

If I knew in advance that they wanted to take the baby away, I would start fighting that policy. She is your child, not the hospitals.

disbride061103

You are not being selfish!  When I found out that I needed my 1st c/s, I told DH is no uncertain terms was anyone other than him to even see the baby, let alone hold him, before me.  Fortunately, DS1 never left my side and I held him as I wheeled out of the OR. 

As far as the baby being taken to the nursery, I would inquire as to what the medical reason is.  I would also ask if that is routinely done for babies born vaginally (sometimes when you point out that  you/baby are being treated differently, it helps).  If there is no medical reason, you can refuse to send baby and insist that she stay with you in recovery.

iris427

magdalina.h:

It blows my mind that hospitals take the baby away. Lucas stayed with me and I held him while I was being closed up. I held him while we were wheeled back to our room. That's when MH went to tell our parents that he was here and we were good.

If I knew in advance that they wanted to take the baby away, I would start fighting that policy. She is your child, not the hospitals.

This this this.  There is NO reason to routinely remove a newborn from its mother after a c/s when everyone is healthy.  This is YOUR baby, not the hospital's.  They can't just take your child away from you for no reason and without your permission.  If you are unhappy with this policy, fight it.  You will never get the first hour of your baby's life back.  The only way these ridiculous policies will get changed is if mothers demand it.  

And no, you are not being selfish.  I would be very sad if a bunch of other people got to see and hold my own child before I did. 

 

lakemom3

I think your feelings are completely natural. The best advice I can give you, is talk to your doctor and the hospital staff about your feelings. I know that every hospital does things a little differently. But sometimes if they know that something bothers you, they can make an exception. (Not always but hopefully they will) PS....your having a baby...don't worry about "being selfish." Its acceptable, and hey, if all else fails you can blame it on hormones. (hee hee) Good luck!

ILoveRunning

iris427:

magdalina.h:

It blows my mind that hospitals take the baby away. Lucas stayed with me and I held him while I was being closed up. I held him while we were wheeled back to our room. That's when MH went to tell our parents that he was here and we were good.

If I knew in advance that they wanted to take the baby away, I would start fighting that policy. She is your child, not the hospitals.

This this this.  There is NO reason to routinely remove a newborn from its mother after a c/s when everyone is healthy.  This is YOUR baby, not the hospital's.  They can't just take your child away from you for no reason and without your permission.  If you are unhappy with this policy, fight it.  You will never get the first hour of your baby's life back.  The only way these ridiculous policies will get changed is if mothers demand it.  

And no, you are not being selfish.  I would be very sad if a bunch of other people got to see and hold my own child before I did. 

 

 Agreed.  

OP, you are not being selfish.  I saw my DS in the OR before he and my DH went into the recovery room and waited for me while I was being sewn back up.  While they were in recovery waiting for me, the hospital actually encouraged my DH to take off his shirt and do skin-to-skin with my DS.  There is no reason to have your LO taken from you if they are medically stable and doing fine.  I hope that you can talk to someone about your concerns.

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BabyBLove

I wonder why your hospital wouldn't do the weighing/measuring right there in the OR?  My DS never left the Operating Room the whole time I was there.  He was taken to a newborn baby station right there in the OR, cleaned up, and weighed.  Once the nurses were done with him, DH got to hold him while they finished closing me up.  The recovery room was right next to the OR, so DS went right into recovery with DH and I, and that is where we stayed for the next 2 1/2 hours! So no one saw him during that time except our parents and brothers who we allowed back to the recovery room.

biblionerd

Well, I would never deliver at a hospital that insisted on separating us. That's an antiquated absurd policy. You can put a scale and all the baby stuff in the OR. I would either fight it or deliver somewhere else. No way on earth would I be ok with this for a routine c/s. It's understandable if something is wrong with mom or baby, but no way are they taking away my baby "just because". 

pitterpatter129

Our hospital does this too.  The baby went with Daddy to the recovery room without me.  Our entire family had already shown up and everyone held him before I ever saw him.  It was horrible and unforgivable to me, especially since we had told them all to stay at home for awhile and they showed up anyhow!  Next time this WON'T happen!  Make a plan and stand up against the practice before your csection!  If I knew they would just allow anyone into the room, I would have been forceful on him staying with me the whole time.  It was an emergency section and I wasn't at all prepared for any of it.  Next time I'll know better!

AshleyS26

At my hospital baby and daddy went to the nursery and waited there until I was moved to my room. The nurse gave DH the choice of having people come in and visit in the nursery with him or wait. He said wait he wanted to spend some time with her and let me have some time with her before everyone else came in. So the nurse went out and told everyone that we had a healthy baby and they would have to wait until the family was settled in the room. I would talk to your DH and the nursing staff let them know before what your wishes are. My nurses were the best. And I should note my family was not too keen on waiting as we didn't know the sex of the baby and they all wanted to know, but the nurse was great and told them they would have to wait to find out the specifics all she could tell them was we had a healthy baby.

flutepharm87

NO! It's the one thing that I will never make peace with from my birth experience. I had to have an unplanned c-section at the drop of a hat because I was so severely pre-eclamptic. I had to be on magnesium to prevent seizures, so I was unable to get up for 24 hours following in the c-section. Since the boys were 6 weeks early, they went straight to NICU. And because they were born during flu and RSV season, people could only go see them in NICU during the first 24 hours of life. So no one would have been able to see them if they'd waited for me to be able to. Everyone in my family plus some of my friends got to see my babies before me. People came in, said hello to me, and left me alone to go see them. I was alone all day as everyone came and went telling me how perfect my kids are.

WORST.EXPERIENCE.EVER! Everything else about their birth I've been able to come to terms with. I'll never like it, but I can deal. But this will always hurt me to the core. I wish I could tell you how I'm dealing with these feelings, but I'm basically just not thinking about it because I can't make peace with it.

jbdec28

Amymfred:

Thank you so much everyone! I am feeling a lot better. They take the babies to the nursery to weigh, measure, ect... DH has the option of going with her but he wants to stay with me. He feels that he KNOWS she will be looked after but he wants to be sure I am OK after having surgery.

My Mom sent me a text while at our apt yesterday wanting me to ask the Dr if she can go with baby if husband stays with me! Really? I didn't even reply and she didn't bring it up again LOL. I think I just need to get over feeling like a hostess and not worry about making anyone mad. Like you all said...it is MY baby!

Thank you all for your advice!!!

I'm coming to this a little late.  Maybe this thread is dead already? But... 

Please, don't take this the wrong way I am not trying to be judgemental but I really think your husband should strongly reconsider his choice to stay with you, rather than your LO.

You will be cared for by a team of doctors/nurses during your surgery and in recovery.  I know this major surgery can be terrifying but your LO will be in the first few moments of his/her life.  Your baby will NEED your husband to bond with, to feel safe, to have skin-to-skin contact with.  

I had a traumatic birthing experience and the one thing I can remember feeling safe and secure about was knowing my DD was with MH experiencing his touch, his love and his warmth.  I delivered in a hospital where the baby did not go to the recovery room with mom (I didn't know this policy).  Although I look back and often feel completely shafted on a "normal" birth experience I am SO happy MH was able to have the skin-to-skin bonding with our DD.  If I had had a natural birth he never would have experienced that.  He still talks about how special it was to him.

 Ultimately, you and your H need to do what is best for you two.  But when your LO comes along he may change his mind or regret not caring for her later. 

cottonlily84

Nope.  I would have been pissed if DH saw LO before I did!  And we signed a paper saying no one could visit her in the NICU without us because I knew my parents and inlaws would want to see her and that wasn't happening until I could.  But remember you will get to see her in the OR.  They will hold her up and sometimes even let you snuggle with her for a minute before they take her away.  So if people in the waiting room are seeing her, you've seen her too.  But I still wouldn't want anyone holding her before me!

Trumom76

jbdec28:

Amymfred:

Thank you so much everyone! I am feeling a lot better. They take the babies to the nursery to weigh, measure, ect... DH has the option of going with her but he wants to stay with me. He feels that he KNOWS she will be looked after but he wants to be sure I am OK after having surgery.

My Mom sent me a text while at our apt yesterday wanting me to ask the Dr if she can go with baby if husband stays with me! Really? I didn't even reply and she didn't bring it up again LOL. I think I just need to get over feeling like a hostess and not worry about making anyone mad. Like you all said...it is MY baby!

Thank you all for your advice!!!

I'm coming to this a little late.  Maybe this thread is dead already? But... 

Please, don't take this the wrong way I am not trying to be judgemental but I really think your husband should strongly reconsider his choice to stay with you, rather than your LO.

You will be cared for by a team of doctors/nurses during your surgery and in recovery.  I know this major surgery can be terrifying but your LO will be in the first few moments of his/her life.  Your baby will NEED your husband to bond with, to feel safe, to have skin-to-skin contact with.  

I had a traumatic birthing experience and the one thing I can remember feeling safe and secure about was knowing my DD was with MH experiencing his touch, his love and his warmth.  I delivered in a hospital where the baby did not go to the recovery room with mom (I didn't know this policy).  Although I look back and often feel completely shafted on a "normal" birth experience I am SO happy MH was able to have the skin-to-skin bonding with our DD.  If I had had a natural birth he never would have experienced that.  He still talks about how special it was to him.

 Ultimately, you and your H need to do what is best for you two.  But when your LO comes along he may change his mind or regret not caring for her later. 

Jbdec28 I could have written this exactly.