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Single Parents
mdotm0904
member
sorry i'm being a PW today :(
mdotm0904
member
just had a quick question. gonna save the details of our email exchanges because it'd make everything so lengthy, but i'm wondering where's the appropriate place to do visitation with an infant? For everything i've read on here, most of you ladies say that the dads come to LO's residence to aid in feeding/play/bath times (in order to keep things consistent). What if BD doesn't feel comfortable coming to your residence? If you live close enough would feeding/play/bath time be appropriate at their residence and then they transport the child back to the mother's for bedtime? (which to me still seems like it disrupts the routine) or would they visit with the child after daycare but before the evening routine starts (that way they can have their visits outside of your home?)
Just confused because BD wanted me to park my car outside of his house while he visits with LO for two hours. Considering the tension, comments made, and the fact that we're just now starting our case, I didnt think that was necessarily a good idea and i thought it'd be in everyone's best interests if these visits were done in a public place for now (until a judge orders otherwise/or he & I can come to an agreement). He didn't think so, so he's just going to wait to do visitation with her until we go to court.
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: sorry i'm being a PW today :(
I don't think I would allow LO alone with him by the sound of it until after things with the courts have been settled. If you are ok with the visitation, then public place is best. Go with your instinct.
Your DD is YOUR DD until a court says otherwise.
Until you have a court order saying where that child lives as her permenant residence you can tell him to pound dirt b/c it's YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.
Stop letting him get into your head by tellin gyou how it's going to be done. You the mother now. You make the rules until a judge decides otherwise.
EVERYTIME you listen to him tell you how it's going to be and what rules he wants you to follow, you are giving up rights you have.
HE HAS NO RIGHTS TO THE CHILD UNTIL A JUDGE GIVES THEM TO HIM. STOP LETTING HIM DICTATE TO YOU HOW ANYTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
sweetie you're great. i love your tell it how it is approach. anyway, this has been my mentality since the day he walked out of the hospital. so i have been calling the shots, that's why he's so pissed off. i haven't caved in to any of his unrealistic demands. i've been doing everything that i think is best for DD regardless of how he may feel about it.(but i have been offering fair compromises, he's just chosen not to compromise)
i was just wondering for when we went to court and had to start doing visitation, what's usually the standard place?
Standard...there really isn't. If he gets unsupervised visitation, you may be looking at a drop off/pick up situation. I would for your safety have a do/pu at a neutral place like a police station and SPECFIC TIMES written into your visitation agreement and exactly what happens at 15 minutes late.
And then at that time he will be allowed to utilized his parenting time where he sees fit.
You are still looking at a lot of court time.
1. Paternity established court
2.CS court (possibly done at the same time Paternity)
2b. CS again b/c i'm going to assume he will balk at the CS determination and want to go to court again
3. Custody/visitation...probably mediation then court.
Some states handle each issue separately and at separate court proceedings. Some handle them bundled. I still strongly urge you to get a lawyer.
This isn't his first time to the rodeo, but it's yours so, while you can't trust anything he says in regards to what you should be doing, you can trust that he will at least know the ropes of what he's doing.