My preemie is here...and I am a bit of a mess — The Bump
Preemies

My preemie is here...and I am a bit of a mess

Hi all!

You may remember I posted a week or so ago about rupturing at 29 weeks and being on hospital bed rest.  Well, my little man was born yesterday at 32w5d.  He weighed 4lbs and measured 16.5in.  He is doing amazingly well.  He has been breathing on his own from the begining!  I know we are truly blessed that he made it as long as he did and that he is as strong as he is, which is why I feel so dumb for being such a mess.

I am getting discharged tomorrow and am going to spend the night at home, because I haven't left the hospital in almost a month.  I have been sitting here crying about leaving, crying that I won't be taking my baby home, crying that I can't just cuddle my son whenever I want and crying because i feel cheated out of part of my pregnancy (geez, that sounds silly to even type).  I know I have to be strong for my son, but I just feel so overwhelmed.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was other than to just spill my guts.  DH is stoic by nature and doesn't do well with all these emotions.  So, I really appreciate a place like this!

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Re: My preemie is here...and I am a bit of a mess

  • I know this time is going to be hard.

    My first advice is to go home and take a nice HOT shower....

    I missed my shower so much after being locked up in the hospital...

     

    FYI: You are not alone in these feelings. I still feel like I was gipped and my daughter was taken from me...

    Cry all you want and don't let anyone tell you differently.

  • Hello!

    I remember your siggy maybe from TTGP? Or January 2012 moms?

    Either way, welcome!  I know how you are feeling. I felt the same emotions and it does get easier, I promise.

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  • It's perfectly ok to feel that way.  It just felt so wrong to leave the hospital without my baby.  I practically ran away from the discharge transportation people.

    Just remember that you will get to hold your LO and cuddle with him as much as you want very soon.  Stay strong but cry when you need to.  

    My blog: www.bergmomm.blogspot.com

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  • All completely normal emotions. I felt so much of that too. It will get better, but it's okay to let yourself feel your feelings and mourn the loss of your time being pregnant. You aren't alone in this.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Photobucket Keep up with Scarlette at http://kaylaaimee.com
  • Congrats on the birth of your LO and I'm so sorry that you're joining us on the preemie board. The good news is that this board will help you realize that you're not crazy and very much in good company!

    Leaving my baby was the hardest thing I've ever done, but one of the best. It's the first step towards finding some balance as a mommy between taking care of yourself and being there for your LO. Get some good rest and take a hot shower/bath. Those things will perserve your sanity and keep you healthy so you CAN be there for your LO as much as possible.

    Take things one day at a time, you can do this momma! Post pics when you get a chance we'd love to see your cutie pie!

    BFP#1 9/14/10 (EDD 5/21/11); no fetal pole 6w6d, 7w4d, d&c 10/8
    BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
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    BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
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  • Congratulations on the birth of your son. Leaving the hospital without my child for the first time was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Praying for a short and uneventful NICU stay. Please keep us posted.
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  • Congratulations mama! That is wonderful that you were able to keep your DS cooking for as long as you did. Your feelings are totally normal. I was such a mess the day I was discharged and had to walk out without my baby. It's very hard. Ditto PP- go home and take a nice long hot shower and enjoy sitting up (I never appreciated sitting up and eating as much as I did after I was on bedrest). I am glad you LO is doing well. 
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  • Congrats Mama! I agree with all PP.  My son was a 32 weeker and was 3lbs 11oz.  So your son is doing great in the weight department!  If he is doing that well which is AWESOME he'll just be a grower and a feeder like my son was.  It is the hardest thing to leave him there but you've come to the right place for support!  These ladies are amazing and so helpful! 
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  • Congratulations on the birth of your son! I'm so glad to hear he is doing well and you were able to keep him in for three weeks longer. That's a big deal. Those three weeks meant no ventilator, CPAP,etc. :) He will be home very soon and you will get to cuddle him all you want!

    I know it's hard to leave the hospital without your LO. I felt so empty without her either in my belly or in my arms. It was the worst feeling I've ever felt. Not to mention all the post partum emotions. It was bad. I also felt very bitter for a (long) while that my baby was taken from me and I didn't get to experience those last 11 weeks of pregnancy with her. I'm actually still bitter about it. People KNOW not to complain about the end of their pregnancies to me.

    It will get better, I promise. As you watch your LO grow stronger and bigger, it will get better as each day passes. It's definitely a roller coaster. Good luck! & Congrats again! Post pictures when you get time :)

    Hospitalized at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia. Reagan Michelle was born on 4/24 at 29 weeks, 1 day gestation 2 pounds, 11 ounces 15 inches long.
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    http://theroadtoreaganmichelle.blogspot.com/
  • Congratulations!! Leaving the hospital is hard.  What I did is timed it so that I left right after a touch time and then had about 2 -3 hours to his feed. So I rushed home took a shower (that felt good), my mom made be lunch and I went right back to the hospital to see him.  It made it easier to leave knowing I was going right back (it was the first time they were bottle feeding so it was exciting).  

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  • image tkhrabs313:

    Hi all!

    You may remember I posted a week or so ago about rupturing at 29 weeks and being on hospital bed rest.  Well, my little man was born yesterday at 32w5d.  He weighed 4lbs and measured 16.5in.  He is doing amazingly well.  He has been breathing on his own from the begining!  I know we are truly blessed that he made it as long as he did and that he is as strong as he is, which is why I feel so dumb for being such a mess.

    I am getting discharged tomorrow and am going to spend the night at home, because I haven't left the hospital in almost a month.  I have been sitting here crying about leaving, crying that I won't be taking my baby home, crying that I can't just cuddle my son whenever I want and crying because i feel cheated out of part of my pregnancy (geez, that sounds silly to even type).  I know I have to be strong for my son, but I just feel so overwhelmed.

    I'm not really sure what the point of this post was other than to just spill my guts.  DH is stoic by nature and doesn't do well with all these emotions.  So, I really appreciate a place like this!

    Not silly at all! I feel this way a lot.  T&P for you and your LO.  I know it's hard to leave them, I cried the whole time.  The NICU LC told me that that day would be the worst - she was right.  So it does get better. 

    TTC #1 June 2010
    1/3/11 S/A - Count 45; Motility 32; Morph 4.3 - 2/10/11 - S/A Count 17mil; Motility 39; Morph 7.9
    1/5/11 Femara Cycle #1 = BFN  2/4/11 Femara Cycle #2 = BFP: 3/4/11 - Starting Progesterone suppositories 
    Beta#1 15DPO = 108; Beta#2 17DPO = 179; Beta#3 18DPO = 259; Beta 4# 20DPO =659!!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    TTC#2 Pulled goalie 5/12, PPAF 3/13, BFP 6/27 Beta 15DPO=248! 
    Dx Severe Hydrocephalus and severe Dandy Walker Cyst.   Stillborn 10/19/13
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    TTC#3 - (No preventing, TTC+progesterone starting 12/13)
    4/7/14 CD3 BW - FSH 5.6; AMH 0.469 - 4/11/14 S/A Count 35, Motility 47, Morph 1.5
    4/16/14 - Cycle 6 - Natural IUI - Beta 12DPIUI = 3; Beta 13DPIUI=4.  15DPIUI=6. 17DPIU=4. Chemical Pregnancy  
    TTC #4
    5/5/14 Dx MTHFR homozygous A1298C, Benched 1 cycle HSG 5/14 both tubes open w/scarring on the left   
    5/28/14 Starting clomid 6/8/14 IUI #2 1 dominant follicle 31mm Beta 11DPIUI =4, 15DPIUI = 74, 17DPIUI = 165 
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  • congrats on your little boy!  that wonderful he is doing so well and you were able to get past 32 weeks.  I  was also in the hospital for a long time before mine were born and felt kind of guilty for wanting to go home so badly.  I cried as we left.   It is completely normal to feel cheated about your pregnancy, but the feelings do eventually get better.  vent away!
     I
  • Hello and congrats on the birth of your son.  I am sorry that you have to join us but this is a great board to be a part of.  I remember leaving the hospital without my twins and I was ok at first, but once the hospital doors opened I started balling.  It is ok to cry.  You need to get those feelings out.  Just know that it does get better.  I promise.  We are here for you if you need to vent, cry or just bs about something.  Good luck and we are praying for your little guy!

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    http://hydrobabies.blogspot.com
  • *Hugs*

    It is not easy leaving your baby and these are very normal feelings you are having. It will get easier as you see him grow and progress in the NICU.  It's reassuring to know that he is in the right place for what he needs right now. Visit often and spend your time at home preparing for his homecoming! Enjoy being home.

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  • All of those feelings are totally normal. DS#1 was 4 weeks early so my quite as "preemieish" but I still had to leave him behind when I was discharged.  It's an impossibly hard thing for any mom to do.  And I completely understand feeling like you missed out on part of your pregnancy.  That was really hard for me too.  I was sad for a while that I missed those last 4 weeks even though I was uncomfortable and miserable.  It does get better but you have to allow yourself time to grieve for these things.  
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  • First off, way to go mama! Great job keeping your DS cooking so long!!

     DD was born at 32 weeks and weighed 4 lbs too. I was a lunatic the whole time she was in the NICU. It's not natural to leave your newborn behind. As much as it sucks, everything that you are feeling is completely normal. Eventually it gets easier. Although the time goes so slow while you are there just know that it isn't forever. Eventually you'll get that little one home and you'll have plenty of time to catch up on snuggling.  

     

     

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  • <<  I have been sitting here crying about leaving, crying that I won't be taking my baby home, crying that I can't just cuddle my son whenever I want and crying because i feel cheated out of part of my pregnancy (geez, that sounds silly to even type).  I know I have to be strong for my son, but I just feel so overwhelmed.>>

    This, exactly. I cry every single day. I had a full-fledged panic attack this morning a 6am as my husband got ready to go to work for the first time in over 2 weeks. I can't drive yet, after my section, so the idea that I can't just run to the hospital whenever I want to see her is killing me. I am struggling with a lot of emotions, too, so I can totally relate to you. Best wishes for a uneventful & quick NICU stay (for both of us!)

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