Just lost my son at 22 weeks

weddedwife

on 11/2. I went into labor FAST and had to deliver, he was born still. It was the worst, most painful experience of my life. There was no time for pain meds. DH was away on business and arrived at the hospital 15 min. after I delivered. The placenta came out in pieces, had to have an emergency D&C. Spent 2 nights in the hospital; almost needed a blood transfusion. We held him, named him, his ashes will come home on Friday. I'm still in shock that it actually happened.

He was so beautiful, he looked just like my DD when she was born. I am beyond devastated. I can barely keep it together for my DD. My boobs are huge and filled w/ milk but there's no baby. I feel so lost.

I just want the world to go away. I am in so much pain, what do I do? Please tell me how to begin to cope.

hannahlb2

i'm so sorry for the loss of your son. unfortunately, there's no easy way to cope. all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. it will hurt, probably forever, but you learn how to live with a hole in your heart. if you can (it's probably very hard to do at this point) try to focus on the good things in your life.

 sorry for the lower case letters.

mdluv21

I am so sorry for your loss.  I would say in the beginning I just made small goals for myself.  Like showering, taking the dog on a walk...I also went back to work after 9 days just to occupy my brain with any thoughts other than my dead babies.

It does get a little easier with time but I know right now, it is hard for you to believe that. 

Hang in there.  ((hugs))

mrssoprano

I am so sorry. I know the pain is unbearable. I'm 6 weeks out from my daughter's stillbirth and it still hurts so much. The only advice I can really give is just to let yourself grieve and try to take care of yourself. We are also here when you need to vent or get support. (((Hugs)))

kate6267

I am so sorry that you lost your son!

We lost our daughter, Emily, at about 22 weeks also. Its horrible. we are now 9 months out and I still hurt just as bad as the day we lost her. Somehow the hurt changes though and becomes a little more manageable.   You get by somehow not because you want to but because you have to.

Please use this site for support,  I will be thinking about you.

krysiahamaty

I am so, so sorry for your loss. All I can really say is to take things slow and grieve how YOU want to grieve. There is no easy way to cope and deal with the loss.  

Mjmksb04

I am so sorry. My best advice is just to take things day by day and make small goals for yourself.

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magdalina.h

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish their was some magical answer that would make the hurt go away, but there isn't.There will be times in the beginning where if you make it second by second it will be a good day. At some point it will become minute by minute and so on. Right now you are in this fog and it's so painful and so hard to breath.

What is his name?

In regards to the milk, you should wear a tight fitted sports bra all day, try not to touch them or in the shower let the hot water hit them directly. If the engorgement is too painful, manually express some to get a little relief. ((hugs))

caitriona87

I'm so sorry.

What helped me at the beginning was trying to stay busy, just sitting around with time to think was the worst. If you have family or friends who can come spend time & help you out, don't be afraid to ask for it. You will make it through even though it may not look that way right now. ((hugs))

I also took benadryl to dry up the milk at the suggestion of a friend who's a nurse, it seemed to make it go more quickly.

 

sandykins

Very sorry for your loss. Just take one step at a time. I found that I had to ease into living after my loss. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't feel you are ready for.  If you don't want to see anyone or go anywhere- then don't. If you want to lay in bed all day - then do. Eventually, you'll find that you can start seeing people again or get up and take that shower or run to the store -- just don't force the process. It is a long journey but you do start to find your new normal. Hugs to you.

 

ETA - I have another child as well. It was REALLY hard to keep it together for her at first. Let's just say she watched a whole lot of Nick Jr in September. Try to get a babysitter or mother's helper to watch your child for a couple hours when you feel you need alone time. I didn't do that and wish I did.

roxyttandme

First of all, you WILL get through this. You just have to take it one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time. You need to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel in order to deal with this. Allow yourself the time to mourn and hurt. The pain will never truly go away - but it does get better with time. 

I am so sorry you lost your son! (((hugs))) 

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry about your loss. The ladies here give a lot of good advice.  We lost our daughter at 21w on 10/28. It has been less than two weeks and what has helped me is to just grieve, cry, sob, wail, do whatever you feel you need to do.  I didn't shower or leave the house for 4 days, it would've been longer had I not had a dr. appt. It hurts, it isn't fair, it makes no sense, it wasn't your fault.

I found that journaling helped me get out all the bazillion thoughts and feelings that were running through my mind.  

You will get through this - whether you think you can or want to.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It is an incredibly painful process.  In the beginning, I had to take it one second at a time because thinking about how I was going to make it was too overwhelming.  I hope you can find some support here.

starrkitten89

I'm so very sorry for your loss.(((hugs)))