Sorry I disappeared after coming back to post a little while back. My computer died & it took me a while to get everything back.
I found out this past weekend that my sister is pregnant. She is 40 and didn't think she wanted kids until about 2 years ago when they started trying. She was going through some fertility treatments and her AMH is very low, due to her age. She and her husband were fortunate to get pregnant naturally late this summer.
After DH & I trying through IUI after IUI, IVF after IVF, surgery after surgery, my 40 year old sister - who didn't even WANT children until a short time ago - gets pregnant naturally. I'm having a really hard time being happy for them. I feel like a terrible person.
Re: My sister is pregnant
you are not a terrible person, holy shiTT cutie, what a kick in the gut
((HUGS))
i'm sorry
feel what you need to feel, you will feel happy for them eventually cutie, for now take care of you
more ((HUGS))
Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)
It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
You aren't a terrible person.
Truth be told, I find it nearly impossible to be happy for anyone.
(((hugs)))
TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs
Right??? I wish I could be normal & be happy for people.
Thanks, ladies.
You aren't a terrible person. I felt very similar when I found out my younger sister was pregnant last year.
IF just sucks and makes us bitter. It IS hard to be happy for others even when we want to be happy.
Hang in there. We all understand these thoughts.
-------------------------
TTC Since 10/2007 with no luck and a 'go with the flow' attitude
1/1010 FINALLY decided to have testing done, dx MFI
7/2010 - DH starts Clomid to increase testosterone and hopefully sperm count
10/2010 - Still low (but improved) sperm count.
11/30/10 - IUI #1 and only = BFN
February 2011 - IVF #1 w/ ICSI =
Chemical PG (Beta 1: 10, Beta 2: 19, Beta 3: 17) :-(
April 2011 - IVF #2 w/ ICSI = BFN :-(
September 2011 - IVF #3 w/ ICSI = BFFN
November 2011 - AMH level tested - .83 (normal for age range)
February 2012 - IVF #4 w/ ICSI = (best response ever yet still) BFFN
April 2012 - DNA testing - NORMAL, RE suggests cycling again with own eggs or using DE
On Break indefinitely...not sure we can afford the emotional and financial roller coaster anymore.
*PAIFW/SAIFW*
You're human and your feelings are valid. Hopefully she will be considerate and understanding. Huge hugs!!
And it's so nice to see you.
*raises hand* Me too. The green-eyed monster has one heck of a stronghold on me.
Not a terrible person at all. I can barely look at my SIL who got KU right after the babies died, their first month living together.
It is so hard. ((Hugs))
Hope you are doing ok.
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy.
Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer
Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
**P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**
You are normal not a terrible person. That would certianly be a tough one for me to handle as well. Huge hugs...I am sorry!
FWIW, my brother and SIL are due in Dec and I can't even bring myself to go home for the holidays because of this...I know it may seem bad/mean/terrible but I see it as self preservation.
xoxox
3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
PAIF/SAIF always welcome
I am guilty of this too! You have every right to feel the way you do! IF SUCKS!!
Dx: PCOS, Anovulatory, Amenorrhea 2006
TTC: Sept 2008
IVF#1 Cancelled due to breast biopsy.05/01/20
IVF#1.2- 9/2010 - Cancelled Oversurpressed
IVF#2 Microdose Lupron 10/2010 Beta 11/09=BFN

IVF#3 2/2011 - 2 blasts(2/25) Beta 03/11 =BFN
IVF#4 Lupron 01/02 =2 blasts, beta's 1-4 198,234,398,3100!!BFP
FET 3/2014 2 blasts BETA 3/20=BFP TWINS EDD 11/27 TEAM PINK!!!
I am guilty of this, too. You're not a terrible person - you're human. Honestly, I'd be thrilled for anyone on this board who gets pregnant, but any other pregnant woman in the world right now just incites anger.
Me: 36, DH: 42
Dx: DOR and MFI
DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal
IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!
SAIFW/PAIFW
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
TTC #2 since June '08
~*DD 10.21.07*~
dx unexplained
IUI #1-4 BFN
IVF#1 June 2011 BFN
IVF#2 Dec 2011
Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634
EDD 8/25
*PAIFW/SAIFW*
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
Moving forward with Adoption 2017!
(((hugs))) I don't think I could be happy for my sister,either. I'm right there with you. She never wanted children until she found out about my IF problems. I'm 40 but my 38 year old sis is trying with her boyfriend who is still married to someone else and has a dtr that lives with them PT. (My sis cheated on her H with this guy and he cheated on his wife.) I'm sure she'll get pg right away...I'm just waiting for the announcement. FML.
I did not meant to hijack your post. Yikes. Just know you're not alone and it's normal to feel the way you do.
::big hugs::
It's good to see you!
7 IUIs = All BFNs
2011: March IVF #1.2 = e/p @ 6w: May IVF #2 = BFN: July sFET #1 = BFN
2012: Jan We're Certified FC/A Parents
May IVF #3 = c/p
June-Nov Foster Mommy to M (Toddler)
July FET #2 = BFN
Aug FET #3 = BFN
Sept-Nov Foster Mommy to Baby Bella (Newborn)
Nov HSG/Sono = Clear!
Dec FET #4 = BFN
2013: Feb FET #5 = m/c @ 6.5w
May-July Foster Mom to H (8 yr old girl)
June/July/Aug IVF #4 = Freeze All
July = Unofficially Adopting T (10 yr old boy)
Sept FET #6 = TBD
**PAIF/SAIF Welcome**
You are definitely NOT a horrible person. Your reaction was totally normal - IF just isn't fair.
((hugs))
I'm so glad to hear from you missred but I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I can only imagine how hard that was to hear after all you've been through.
You're NOT a terrible person at all. It's only natural that you're having these feelings. I hope your sister is being understanding and isn't expecting you to jump over the moon with excitement. We're always here for you if you need to vent! ((HUGS))
Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
E & C Born 10/19/2012
After 1 IUI, 3 IVF's with CGH/CCS testing, 10 early miscarriages, and lots of tears and frustration, we are moving on to Domestic Infant Adoption! We are so excited to see what the future holds.
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry. That's a tough situation to deal with.
beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
EDD 11/25/12
**SAIFW**
Currently pg with our 1st after 6.5 yrs of IF (thank you IVF)
My IF/Everything Blog
There's No Crying in Baseball
***My posts are always SAIFW**
IVF #1 = BFN
FET #1 = BFN
FET #2 = BFN
IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
~~
TTC again March 2014
FET #3 - May/June 2014 - all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board...
IVF #4 - July/August 2014
You aren't a terrible person at all! Random comparison: When my cousin (who is like a sister) told me she was pregnant, I was eating spagetti and wasnt able to eat it again for about a year.... It truly is a huge kick to the gut!! I can't imagine how much that must have hurt after all you've been through.
Huge huge hugs!!!
TTC Since 10/08 4 IUIs=BFNx4
IVF#1=BFP!! Twins!!
Bradley and Billy born and lost on 2/2/11 at 19w2d due to pPROM/PTL. I miss you, little angels.
IVF#2=BFN
IVF#3=c/p IVF#4=Empty Follicle Syndrome; 1 mature, fertilized, & made it to blast. 5dt of "the lone ranger" on 9/6. Please stick, little one!