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My sister is pregnant

missred75missred75 member
in Infertility Veterans

Sorry I disappeared after coming back to post a little while back. My computer died & it took me a while to get everything back.

I found out this past weekend that my sister is pregnant. She is 40 and didn't think she wanted kids until about 2 years ago when they started trying. She was going through some fertility treatments and her AMH is very low, due to her age. She and her husband were fortunate to get pregnant naturally late this summer.

After DH & I trying through IUI after IUI, IVF after IVF, surgery after surgery, my 40 year old sister - who didn't even WANT children until a short time ago - gets pregnant naturally. I'm having a really hard time being happy for them. I feel like a terrible person.

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Re: My sister is pregnant

  • thewormstheworms member

    you are not a terrible person, holy shiTT cutie, what a kick in the gut :(

    ((HUGS))

    i'm sorry

    feel what you need to feel, you will feel happy for them eventually cutie, for now take care of you

    more ((HUGS))

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
    Report Reply
  • madelyn07madelyn07 member

    You aren't a terrible person.

    Truth be told, I find it nearly impossible to be happy for anyone. 

    (((hugs)))

     

    TTC #1 since June 2008 *SAIFW*

    TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs

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  • missred75missred75 member
    imagemadelyn07:

    You aren't a terrible person.

    Truth be told, I find it nearly impossible to be happy for anyone. 

    (((hugs)))

     

    Right??? I wish I could be normal & be happy for people.

    Thanks, ladies.

    <a href="http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n5/missred75/Disney/?action=view
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  • ellenchris0506ellenchris0506

    You aren't a terrible person.  I felt very similar when I found out my younger sister was pregnant last year. 

    IF just sucks and makes us bitter.  It IS hard to be happy for others even when we want to be happy.  

    Hang in there.  We all understand these thoughts.

    Ellen & Chris 5/6/06
    -------------------------
    TTC Since 10/2007 with no luck and a 'go with the flow' attitude
    1/1010 FINALLY decided to have testing done, dx MFI
    7/2010 - DH starts Clomid to increase testosterone and hopefully sperm count
    10/2010 - Still low (but improved) sperm count.
    11/30/10 - IUI #1 and only = BFN
    February 2011 - IVF #1 w/ ICSI =
    Chemical PG (Beta 1: 10, Beta 2: 19, Beta 3: 17) :-(
    April 2011 - IVF #2 w/ ICSI = BFN :-(
    September 2011 - IVF #3 w/ ICSI = BFFN
    November 2011 - AMH level tested - .83 (normal for age range)
    February 2012 - IVF #4 w/ ICSI = (best response ever yet still) BFFN
    April 2012 - DNA testing - NORMAL, RE suggests cycling again with own eggs or using DE
    On Break indefinitely...not sure we can afford the emotional and financial roller coaster anymore.
    *PAIFW/SAIFW*
    Report Reply
  • Edwina.McDunnoughEdwina.McDunnough

    You're human and your feelings are valid. Hopefully she will be considerate and understanding. Huge hugs!! 

    And it's so nice to see you. 

    +++
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  • jlcrane78jlcrane78 member
    imagemadelyn07:

    You aren't a terrible person.

    Truth be told, I find it nearly impossible to be happy for anyone. 

    (((hugs)))

     

    *raises hand*  Me too.  The green-eyed monster has one heck of a stronghold on me.

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  • mdluv21mdluv21

    Not a terrible person at all.  I can barely look at my SIL who got KU right after the babies died, their first month living together. 

    It is so hard.  ((Hugs))

    Hope you are doing ok.

    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
    SAIF/PAIF Welcome
    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
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  • illinigalillinigal member
    Hugs.  Let your feelings be whatever they are.  I'm sure in time, you'll be happy for them.
    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • reb259reb259 member

    You are normal not a terrible person.  That would certianly be a tough one for me to handle as well.  Huge hugs...I am sorry!

    FWIW, my brother and SIL are due in Dec and I can't even bring myself to go home for the holidays because of this...I know it may seem bad/mean/terrible but I see it as self preservation.

    xoxox

    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
    Report Reply
  • amaksym05amaksym05 member
    imagejlcrane78:
    imagemadelyn07:

    You aren't a terrible person.

    Truth be told, I find it nearly impossible to be happy for anyone. 

    (((hugs)))

     

    *raises hand*  Me too.  The green-eyed monster has one heck of a stronghold on me.

    I am guilty of this too! You have every right to feel the way you do! IF SUCKS!!


     
    Dx: PCOS, Anovulatory, Amenorrhea 2006
    TTC: Sept 2008
    IVF#1 Cancelled due to breast biopsy.05/01/20

    IVF#1.2- 9/2010 - Cancelled Oversurpressed

    IVF#2 Microdose Lupron 10/2010 Beta 11/09=BFN
    IVF#3 2/2011 - 2 blasts(2/25) Beta 03/11 =BFN
    IVF#4 Lupron 01/02 =2 blasts, beta's 1-4 198,234,398,3100!!BFP
    FET 3/2014 2 blasts BETA 3/20=BFP TWINS EDD 11/27 TEAM PINK!!!                   
    image

     


     

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  • mtlaurelmtlaurel
    imageamaksym05:
    imagejlcrane78:
    imagemadelyn07:

    You aren't a terrible person.

    Truth be told, I find it nearly impossible to be happy for anyone. 

    (((hugs)))

     

    *raises hand*  Me too.  The green-eyed monster has one heck of a stronghold on me.


    I am guilty of this too! You have every right to feel the way you do! IF SUCKS!!

    I am guilty of this, too. You're not a terrible person - you're human. Honestly, I'd be thrilled for anyone on this board who gets pregnant, but any other pregnant woman in the world right now just incites anger.  

    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
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  • labbylover03labbylover03 member
    Definitely not a terrible person! You're having natural feelings that come from IF. Give yourself a break for now....it's still so fresh for you. Here's my current situation...I'm helping throw a shower this weekend for a friend that announced her pregnancy back in June when I was having my third loss. :( Not only did it take her no time to get pregnant, her and her DH had been to counseling because he didn't want kids! Ugh! And she's due 4 days after my birthday and all I can think is please don't have her on my bday! ((hugs)) for you!!! Life is so hard sometimes.
    image
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
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  • DeputiesWifeDeputiesWife
    ::hugs::

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

    Report Reply
  • eponine7682eponine7682 member
    You're not a terrible person at all. It's the hardest when you know someone who gets pregnant that didn't want kids, or doesn't even seem like a kid person. I am sorry you are going through all these emotions. ((hugs))
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    TTC since March/April 2010
    DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
    DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
    June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
    Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
    IVF - January 2012: BFN
    FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
    After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
    image
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  • Delta04Delta04 member
    Oh my goodness Red - you are sooo not a terrible person.  I think your feelings are perfectly normal and valid.  ::hugs:: I am so very sorry.  We are here for you.
    TTC since 3/07. IVF#1 = canceled. IVF#2 = 0% fertilization. IVF#3 = BFN. IVF#4 = c/p.  
    Moving forward with Adoption 2017!
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  • Ginger71Ginger71 member

    (((hugs)))  I don't think I could be happy for my sister,either. I'm right there with you.  She never wanted children until she found out about my IF problems. I'm 40 but my 38 year old sis is trying with her boyfriend who is still married to someone else and has a dtr that lives with them PT. (My sis cheated on her H with this guy and he cheated on his wife.) I'm sure she'll get pg right away...I'm just waiting for the announcement. FML.

    I did not meant to hijack your post. Yikes. Just know you're not alone and it's normal to feel the way you do.

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  • Bella2u07Bella2u07 member

    ::big hugs::

    It's good to see you! 

    TTC #1 Since 11/08 - Dx: MFI & PCOS
    7 IUIs = All BFNs
    2011: March IVF #1.2 = e/p @ 6w: May IVF #2 = BFN: July sFET #1 = BFN

    2012: Jan We're Certified FC/A Parents
    May IVF #3 = c/p
    June-Nov Foster Mommy to M (Toddler)
    July FET #2 = BFN
    Aug FET #3 = BFN
    Sept-Nov Foster Mommy to Baby Bella (Newborn)
    Nov HSG/Sono = Clear!
    Dec FET #4 = BFN

    2013: Feb FET #5 = m/c @ 6.5w
    May-July Foster Mom to H (8 yr old girl)
    June/July/Aug IVF #4 = Freeze All
    July = Unofficially Adopting T (10 yr old boy)
    Sept FET #6 = TBD
    **PAIF/SAIF Welcome**
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  • Mayan2011Mayan2011 member

    You are definitely NOT a horrible person.  Your reaction was totally normal - IF just isn't fair. :(

    ((hugs))

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  • jessican08jessican08 member

    I'm so glad to hear from you missred but I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I can only imagine how hard that was to hear after all you've been through.

    You're NOT a terrible person at all. It's only natural that you're having these feelings. I hope your sister is being understanding and isn't expecting you to jump over the moon with excitement. We're always here for you if you need to vent! ((HUGS))

    TTC 12/2009
    Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
    IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
    IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
    E & C Born 10/19/2012
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • emcaemca member
    It is totally natural to be feeling how you are feeling!  Pregnancy announcements sting and it is even worse when it is a situation like yours.  I hope you feel better soon and just know that we have ALL had those feelings.  Hugs....I know it must be hard. 

    After 1 IUI, 3 IVF's with CGH/CCS testing, 10 early miscarriages, and lots of tears and frustration, we are moving on to Domestic Infant Adoption!  We are so excited to see what the future holds.

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  • Faith722Faith722 member

    (((HUGS)))

    I'm so sorry.  That's a tough situation to deal with.

    IVF #3 = Feb 2012
    beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
    EDD 11/25/12
    **SAIFW** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • albjagalbjag member
    Huge hugs hon.  
    Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC
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  • Rachael07.07.07Rachael07.07.07 member
    You are not a terrible person. You are human and I "get" it. I have nothing but (((hugs))) coming your way! Keep your chin up sweetie.
    DX PCOS w/IR 01/08.
    Currently pg with our 1st after 6.5 yrs of IF (thank you IVF)
     
    My IF/Everything Blog
    There's No Crying in Baseball
    ***My posts are always SAIFW**
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  • blueberries8blueberries8 member
    Not a terrible person at all! It is easy to see how that could be a punch in the gut, all the more so because it was so unexpected. (((hugs)))
    IUIs #1-3 (1x unmedicated, 2x Clomid) = 2 BFNs, 1 m/c at 7w3d
    IUIs #4-6 (injects) = 3 BFNs
    IVF #1 = BFN
    FET #1 = BFN
    FET #2 = BFN
    IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
    IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
    Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
    ~~
    TTC again March 2014
    FET #3 - May/June 2014     -     all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board...
    IVF #4 - July/August 2014 
    beta 1 (11dp3dt) 220, beta 2 (13dp3dt) 671, beta 3 (19dp3dt) 10762
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  • amers83010amers83010

    You aren't a terrible person at all! Random comparison: When my cousin (who is like a sister) told me she was pregnant, I was eating spagetti and wasnt able to eat it again for about a year.... It truly is a huge kick to the gut!! I can't imagine how much that must have hurt after all you've been through.  

    Huge huge hugs!!!


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Jackie2200Jackie2200 member
    You are not a terrible person.  I have a 7 month old nephew that I've never met and a 3 month old neice that I've never met.  I haven't talked to my sister, who was 9 weeks pg. when I lost my boys, since I lost my boys.  :(  I'm pg. again and still can't face it.  I wish we IFs could all just crawl in a hole and not come out until either we got pg. or until everyone else around us stopped getting pregnant. 

    TTC Since 10/08 4 IUIs=BFNx4
    IVF#1=BFP!! Twins!!
    Bradley and Billy born and lost on 2/2/11 at 19w2d due to pPROM/PTL. I miss you, little angels.
    IVF#2=BFN
    IVF#3=c/p IVF#4=Empty Follicle Syndrome; 1 mature, fertilized, & made it to blast. 5dt of "the lone ranger" on 9/6. Please stick, little one! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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