Visitation/infant

MsJosie

I have a question. I live in Illinois and have been a single since I was 4 months pregnant due to my ex's drug use and abusing me while I was pregnant. And, now my daughter's father took me to court for visitation. What kind of visitation do they give a dead beat with an almost 8 month old baby? I don't want him to have any overnights or visitation for that matter. He doesn't know the first thing about parenting, let alone change a diaper (he told me that's what I was there for). Also, I am still breast feeding and don't produce enough to pump cause I only produce milk from one breast. Please help! I am sick to my stomach thinking of him being alone with my daughter. Any insight??

JCGreene85

Did you file those abuse charges with the police? I hope you did because that will certainly help your case. If you didn't there really isnt any way to prove that he is abusive. As far visitation, usually at 8 months they allow more frequent visitation, but for short periods of time. Maybe 2-3 days a week for 1-2 hours at a time.  He could very well end up with Saturday and Sunday 9-5. It all depends on case/judge/mediator. The court really doesn't care if he is a "dead beat" Overnight visitation usually doesn't start until 18 months old, but it can happen sooner, or later depending. My EX wont get overnights until January, and at that time, it'll only be 2 nights a month.

Is he providing for the baby? Has he spent time with the baby now? Take into account that it is HIS child too. It is hard to accept, but as long as he isn't a threat to her, he will end up with a visitation schedule as well.

Have you acutally been to court? Or has he just filed?

MsJosie

I did file a report with the police department. But it was only written as an incident report because I left the state the same day so I  wasn't there to file it. However, his mom also called the police on him another time and I've been trying to find out what police dept she called but she won't turn on her son so she won't help me. He was abusing me while I was pregnant with his child. He has not provided anything for the baby he even disputed the amount for child support so it has been continued. He has only seen her maybe 9 times since shes been born. His doing. He offered me 25k to have an abortion cause having a baby would ruin his lifestyle. He uses cocaine and marijuana. I don't want my daughter around that. He didn't even want her. I also just found out that he has filed for custody of her too. All this is set for a court date of Dec. 2nd. He just doing anything he can to make my life a living hell ans its driving me nuts!!!

achase123

First of all you need to calm down and get a grip on yourself.  The court isn't going to care about all of the details you're providing us.  Just facts and that is it.  Is there any documented proof of his drug use?  Does he have a criminal record?  Would he agree to have supervised visitation?  All of this is much more important than your anger towards him right now.  Channel that all into getting as many facts as you can.

I have gone through this with my X and when we went to mediation I had a stack of his complaint/arrest file with me and he quickly agreed to supervised visitation. 

If you can retain an attorney, DO it.  I cannot stress that enough.  It will give you peace of mind and more facts to go off of.  You need to work on providing the evidence the court needs to see he's not a fit parent.  But ranting and raving in front of the judge or getting into a battle with him won't help your case at all.

MsJosie

achase123:

First of all you need to calm down and get a grip on yourself.  The court isn't going to care about all of the details you're providing us.  Just facts and that is it.  Is there any documented proof of his drug use?  Does he have a criminal record?  Would he agree to have supervised visitation?  All of this is much more important than your anger towards him right now.  Channel that all into getting as many facts as you can.

I have gone through this with my X and when we went to mediation I had a stack of his complaint/arrest file with me and he quickly agreed to supervised visitation. 

If you can retain an attorney, DO it.  I cannot stress that enough.  It will give you peace of mind and more facts to go off of.  You need to work on providing the evidence the court needs to see he's not a fit parent.  But ranting and raving in front of the judge or getting into a battle with him won't help your case at all.

 

He does have a criminal record but how do I get copies of that? They're not public records. He has not gotten caught for his drug use that I know of. I do have an attorney but she never said anything about his rights being taken away. Just supervised visits but we are going for sole custody on my part!  I just don't understand??? If I did drugs they would take her from me, but its ok for him to be a druggie. He is extremely unfit. He doesn't know the first thing about parenting. I wish he would just go away!!!!

turtle1120

I was 5 months pregnant when I broke up with my ex.  He was in jail when DD was born.  I let him see her for a little bit when he got out, but once he refused to acknowledge paternity, I cut off all visitation.  He went almost 6 months without seeing DD and finally filed papers to establish paternity and for visitation.  Initially, visitation was supervised by me in my home.  Not a great idea, but no way was I letting him take her when she had no clue who he was.  The visits in my house didn't work out for very long, I then took her to the mall or a park and let him visit with her there for a while.  He just now finally started getting unsupervised visits at his house and he only gets 4 hours.  No way in hell are overnights happening for a while!

Did you ever report the abuse with the police?  That might help your case for extended supervised visitation.

I live in Ilinois too...not far from you at all!  PM me if you want. 

I'm curious if you filed for child support and if you're receiving any yet?  I filed when DD was about 10 days old and I'm still not getting anything!  Ugh!!!!  Although, I'm in Cook County which absolutely sucks.

MsJosie

turtle1120:

I was 5 months pregnant when I broke up with my ex.  He was in jail when DD was born.  I let him see her for a little bit when he got out, but once he refused to acknowledge paternity, I cut off all visitation.  He went almost 6 months without seeing DD and finally filed papers to establish paternity and for visitation.  Initially, visitation was supervised by me in my home.  Not a great idea, but no way was I letting him take her when she had no clue who he was.  The visits in my house didn't work out for very long, I then took her to the mall or a park and let him visit with her there for a while.  He just now finally started getting unsupervised visits at his house and he only gets 4 hours.  No way in hell are overnights happening for a while!

Did you ever report the abuse with the police?  That might help your case for extended supervised visitation.

I live in Ilinois too...not far from you at all!  PM me if you want. 

I'm curious if you filed for child support and if you're receiving any yet?  I filed when DD was about 10 days old and I'm still not getting anything!  Ugh!!!!  Although, I'm in Cook County which absolutely sucks.

 

I sent you a pm!!

turtle1120

MsJosie:

turtle1120:

I was 5 months pregnant when I broke up with my ex.  He was in jail when DD was born.  I let him see her for a little bit when he got out, but once he refused to acknowledge paternity, I cut off all visitation.  He went almost 6 months without seeing DD and finally filed papers to establish paternity and for visitation.  Initially, visitation was supervised by me in my home.  Not a great idea, but no way was I letting him take her when she had no clue who he was.  The visits in my house didn't work out for very long, I then took her to the mall or a park and let him visit with her there for a while.  He just now finally started getting unsupervised visits at his house and he only gets 4 hours.  No way in hell are overnights happening for a while!

Did you ever report the abuse with the police?  That might help your case for extended supervised visitation.

I live in Ilinois too...not far from you at all!  PM me if you want. 

I'm curious if you filed for child support and if you're receiving any yet?  I filed when DD was about 10 days old and I'm still not getting anything!  Ugh!!!!  Although, I'm in Cook County which absolutely sucks.

 

I sent you a pm!!

Sent you one back!