My coworker is kind of awesome

brookelynpaisley

Yesterday, I was feeling angry, so I wrote a blog post about it (LIS). One of the things I mentioned was being angry about the fact that when I out enough trust in people to tell them what's going on, I get a lot of "just adopt/do IVF/relax" when all I really want is for someone to just say, "I'm sorry, that sucks."

As I posted it, I remembered that my childfree (by choice) coworker did that very thing the other day. When we first started TTC, I confided in her and told her that I was charting and she found the concept hilarious and asked if I was using an abacus to get pregnant. I thought it was a funny visual, and from then on, if she wanted to discretely ask how things were going, she'd ask, "how's the abacus?" The other day when she asked for the first time in a long time, I just said, "it's broken." She immediately gave me a hug and said, "I'm very sorry." It meant so much to me, but then I'd sort of forgotten it. As I posted to my blog yesterday, I remembered again and I still felt warmed by her compassion, so I wrote her a note and told her how nice of her it was and how much it meant to me that she'd said the only and very thing I wanted to hear in that moment.

I wish more people could be like her. She may not understand the wanting and not having, but she's compassionate enough to realize it saddens me and offered me comfort and kind words.

 

Blueyed228

I love when people surprise you with compassion like that.

psych05

I wish more people could be like her, too.  Will you share?

lovin life23

((hugs)) thats so nice of her...its nice when people just empathize...

mdiblasi10

That is awesome! What a sweetie. I am sure she appreciated your note too.

btaylor19

I gonna come work with you now

brookelynpaisley

btaylor19:

I gonna come work with you now

Yessssssss!

Unfortunately, she's moving to Minneapolis, so if you want an awesome coworker, you'll have to go look her up there

khrissy91

That was so sweet of her. It's nice to find comfort when you least expect it sometimes. {{Big hugs}}

farmerlynda

That's wonderful.  "That sucks, I'm sorry" is sometimes all you really need.

MH is finally starting to get that message.  He tends to be really hopeful and tries to cheer me up (which most of the time is great) but sometimes I just need someone to commiserate with...  just yesterday, on the way home from the MFI doc, he said "I'm sorry that this throws you for a loop, and you were all ready to do IVF in December."  I had a little heart-warm moment just like you had with your coworker

tgreenf

Thats awesome!  And you said it just right.  All we want to hear is, Im sorry!  Why is that so hard for people to say?

eponine7682

That is really sweet. I am glad you have her in your life.

MsGMChick

That is really sweet and I like the abacus inside joke.

katieworek

It's so nice to be reminded that there are in fact nice, compassionate people in this world.  I'm so glad she was able to make you feel better. 

Sometimes it's the smallest things (or acts) that make the biggest impact.

keliser

I am sorry that you were feeling angry yesterday...

 the abacus visual is hilarious

I am glad you have someone compassionate and caring.

bwe1100

I'm so glad you have someone who responds with compassion, and that you were able to express your appreciation to her. As always, big hugs to you BP.

jessa8909

That's awesome! She sounds like a great co-worker!

Penguin81

Yeah that is some kind of awesome! Yay for your coworker.

btaylor19

brookelynpaisley:

btaylor19:

I gonna come work with you now

Yessssssss!

Unfortunately, she's moving to Minneapolis, so if you want an awesome coworker, you'll have to go look her up there

Well when she gets here you give her my info! 

pulga131

Awww. I'm glad someone finally said the right things!

Trish11278

More people need to be like that and not offer advice but just be there and support.  I think people get support and advice mixed up.

happilyeverafterxo

I wish there were more people like her in the world

Hugs and lots of love to you, BP!

mizzougal08

farmerlynda:

That's wonderful.  "That sucks, I'm sorry" is sometimes all you really need.

MH is finally starting to get that message.  He tends to be really hopeful and tries to cheer me up (which most of the time is great) but sometimes I just need someone to commiserate with...  just yesterday, on the way home from the MFI doc, he said "I'm sorry that this throws you for a loop, and you were all ready to do IVF in December."  I had a little heart-warm moment just like you had with your coworker

My DH is the same way. He wants to be positive/hopeful and talk through it all, but there are times that I just don't want to hear it. The other day I was having one of my emotional meltdowns after my BFN from my IUI#1. He tried to talk it all out and finally I just stopped him and told him that I didn't want to hear his hopeful ideas about the next cycle...that I really just needed him to let me cry. Even though it was really hard for him to watch, he finally just laid there with me and held me while I did. After that I felt a lot better...and ready to hear his positivity!

 OP- glad you work with someone who is so kind. Sorry that she's moving!

zookbride

She sounds awesome. More people need to get the hint that an "I'm sorry" goes a long we. We know you can't fix our problem, and we sure as hell don't want your bad advice of "just get drunk and do it..." "just adopt and it'll happen..." "just [insert lame advice here]." An "I'm sorry" and "that sucks" is very comforting. It lets us know that they not only listened to us, but they know its a crappy situation to be in. Thank goodness for the few compassionate people we find in this world!

Rabitt313

What a nice story, thank you for sharing.