share your placement schedule or advice

CalisMom26

so I am completely struggling with my first attempt at a placement schedule for DD with her father (we haven't even had our court date yet). Her father came up with one that I do not agree with. DD is 3.5 months old and I am nursing her. I want to keep this up for at least a year.  Father lives over 100 miles away.  He thinks placement overnight, starting in two weeks is acceptable. He wants her every Saturday night. EVERY WEEKEND. I am not even going to say how unrealistic that is.

I didn't even want to discuss any overnights until she was at least 1 to 1.5 years old.

Is anyone willing to share with me what they have or how they figured things out?

I am not asking for people to judge or criticize me, I am just asking for those with infants to share their placement schedules.  I want to be realistic and fair.  I did purchase the book suggested by another bumpie about alternative parenting plans, but it suggests schedules for people that must live close to one another.

 

I am so confused!!

 

 

achase123

Ours was completely different because XH is an addict so he has supervised visitation.

I think while you are nursing that overnights are unrealistic, especially given that he lives 100 miles away.  I think around 18 months would be considered reasonable for EOW but you'd want to check with your attorney about this.

If you can afford to, consult with an attorney to find out what is reasonable.  Because until you figure that out you will just be taking a shot in the dark at it.  And what your X wants and what is reasonable sound like they are two different things.

CalisMom26

I do have a lawyer, but I want to come prepared.

PrettyInPearls23

Your situation is very difficult, especially since you two are 100 miles apart and your LO is so young.

Overnight visits aren't recommended  until a child is 18 months old. Prior to that, it's recommended that there be more frequent visits for less duration. So, 2-3 visits per week for a few hours each.

I really don't have any suggestions other than sticking to your guns about not having overnight visits yet.

cemacmil

Definatly stick to your guns on no overnights. In my state it is no overnights until 3 years of age, based on the fact that the other party has not shown they can/are capable of caring for the child on a consistant basis.

Right now my XH lives 40-50 miles away and he is chosing to visit EOW and only stays for about 2 hours. It is more for his mother I think that he keeps the visits up.

CPA04

My XH lives 100 miles away as well.  Currently, he has visitation every other Saturday morning through Sunday afternoon.  In January, we begin EOW - Friday night through Sunday afternoon. 

We started overnights around 11 months because that's the point we finalized paperwork.  Prior to an agreement being signed, I refused to let XH have DS overnight for the exact reasons you mentioned - age & stability.  I also wanted to gradually increase visitation time as DS gets older instead of going 0 - 100 all at once in case XH relapses and disappears from DS's life.

I nursed DS exclusively for the first year and had to pump and send milk with him for the visit.  Based on what pp have said, it sounds like it really varies state to state.

CalisMom26

for those of you that have these short visits/parenting time, where do they occur? At your home?  Do you leave your ex alone there?