MIL's thoughtless comments

julandjo

Our homestudy is done and we're finally officially waiting!  We're very excited of course and have shared our excitement with family.  We had to skip going to a bonfire/hayrack ride this weekend because our kids were in a horrible bad-behavior-refusing-to-sleep funk and it would have been disastrous to try to wrangle them at an event like that.  No big deal to us; we stayed home, had a quiet evening and got them to bed early.  MIL seemed a little ticked that we didn't go so I explained why.  She then said "and you're seriously thinking about adding a third kid?!".  I just stared at her and directed the conversation elsewhere.  Five minutes later she stopped and said "do you and DH ever stop and just ask yourselves what you're doing trying to adopt another baby?".

No. Not once during the six month home study or background checks or fingerprints or profile writing.  Or in the 18 months before we could finally even apply.  Instead I said "you know, there are definitely intensely frustrating moments in parenting. It's the hardest job in the world. But those moments are obliterated by the amount of joy we get from parenting." That seemed to work and she said "oh well that's good to hear" and let it drop.

I mean seriously?!  She raised 3 children herself! Three kids is not an ungodly number, and she'd never dream of saying that to me if I were physically pregnant again.  Any ideas for responses that'll nip these comments in the bud? I'm already dreading what she'll say when we vent to her during rough moments once the baby is here... 

Art Teacher

I think you handled her comments extremely well.  Good for you for thinking quickly like that (I would come up with that comment after she left, knowing me!!) 

I also think if she says anything else now or after the baby is here, repeat what you said.  Or ask her, "So when you were raising your 3, you NEVER had any frustrating or difficult days?"  That kind of thing. Remind  her that you are allowed to have rough days too.

 BTW, congratulations on being done with the homestudy!!! That's great

silliestbunny

Wow.. you handled it with more grace than most would have!  Good for you.

Dr.Loretta

It sounds to me like she had a hard time raising 3 kids, and is projecting.

I'd just ignore her.

Laurakat81

Wow. I have no good advice but I think you handled it extremely well!

Cbidt's girl

You handled it beautifully. Don't give her too much credence or credit - a day after I miscarried I was sitting with my MIL and my 2 year old while he put up a typical 2 year old defiance act when I tried to get him dressed. She looked at me him and said "did you really want it?". I'm not really sure what stopped me from killing her other than my utter shock. Who asks a woman if she really wanted her miscarried child?

Art Teacher

Cbidt's girl:

You handled it beautifully. Don't give her too much credence or credit - a day after I miscarried I was sitting with my MIL and my 2 year old while he put up a typical 2 year old defiance act when I tried to get him dressed. She looked at me him and said "did you really want it?". I'm not really sure what stopped me from killing her other than my utter shock. Who asks a woman if she really wanted her miscarried child?

I can't even believe your MIL said that to you...I'm sitting here with my mouth open in shock.

Wow.

Cbidt's girl

Art Teacher:

Cbidt's girl:

You handled it beautifully. Don't give her too much credence or credit - a day after I miscarried I was sitting with my MIL and my 2 year old while he put up a typical 2 year old defiance act when I tried to get him dressed. She looked at me him and said "did you really want it?". I'm not really sure what stopped me from killing her other than my utter shock. Who asks a woman if she really wanted her miscarried child?

I can't even believe your MIL said that to you...I'm sitting here with my mouth open in shock.

Wow.

believe me, I was too. It was over 3 years ago and I can remember the moment clear as day. I don't think anything will ever top that thoughtlessness to me. I sure hope I never say anything so hurtful to anyone. It's actually why I opened this post - I lurk here because my neices are adopted and I just like to check that I'm not being stupidly insensitive with questions or comments.