Parenting after a Loss

Parenting styles?

What is something that your parents did that you will not do as a parent?

What is something that your parents did that you find yourself doing even though you never thought you would?

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Re: Parenting styles?

  • If I ever have a second child I will try extremely hard to treat them the same in terms of what each one is allowed to do. That's not quite coming out the way I mean it to. For example, my parents set a hard and fast rule for me that I was not allowed to go to the town beach with my friends as a teenager.

    5 years later, my brother was allowed to.

    I was not permitted to get my license until I was 17+.

    4 years later, my brother was allowed to at 16.

    I was arguably the "better child" as well as I had straight As, was a leader in many organizations, volunteered my time at a nursing home, and had a job. Him...notsomuch. I still resent that it was all hard and fast for me, but not for him.

    I don't have an answer to the second part since we are mostly still in survival mode these days...

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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  • imageScout2005:

    Spank/pop in the mouth. It was not excessive, I was not even close to abused (I was as far from it as you could get), but I don't want to do it. I believe there are other ways, and I hope I'm right.

    Right now, I don't do much "parenting," so I can't answer that one. 

    I have amazing parents, and for the most part, hope to be as good at the job as they were. 

    ditto.

     

    Plus, I am going to give them less freedom than I had in high school. I was all over the place & really could've used a good grounding/foot put down.

    Married 7/19/09
    MC 9/8/10
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  • I don't like how my mom always said "wait until you're father gets home" when we did something wrong. We had a fear of my dad growing up but it also ended with us not giving my mother the respect that she deserved. They did the good cop bad cop style and I want to be equal with DH when it comes to discipline.
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  • My mom is an alcoholic so there is a loooong list of things she did that I will never do. Let her smoke and drink in my house, have boyfriends spend the night, take her to parties where I get trashed and she drives me home after I hook up. I guess you get it.

    My dad did what pp said and treated my sister and me different. I was expected to always make the honor roll or I was grounded. My sister could get c and that was fine. I wasn't allowed to ride to school with my friends who had a car and license but four years later my sister was. I am going to make a real effort to have the same rules for all kids. My sister was allowed to work during high school. The only job I was allowed was babysitting our preachers kids.

  • I won't hit my children.

    If I can pull that off, it's a big step.  Everything else is pretty much small potatoes in comparison.

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  • I agree about no spanking...my mom was big on this and I will not hit my kids.  My mom also used to make me sit at the table until I finished eating what was on my plate, even if I didn't like it.  This meant that I would still be sitting at the table by myself after everyone else had left.  I would never do that to my kids.  I was also never allowed to have sleepovers, which I loved.  If my kids want friends to sleep over, I will be much more easy-going about it.

    I am an only child, so I can't comment on different treatment of siblings.  But I do think that people in general are much more lax about rules with second and third kids than they are with a first.  I think that's pretty normal. 

     
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  • imageStrunella:

    I agree about no spanking...my mom was big on this and I will not hit my kids.  My mom also used to make me sit at the table until I finished eating what was on my plate, even if I didn't like it.  This meant that I would still be sitting at the table by myself after everyone else had left.  I would never do that to my kids.  I was also never allowed to have sleepovers, which I loved.  If my kids want friends to sleep over, I will be much more easy-going about it.

    I am an only child, so I can't comment on different treatment of siblings.  But I do think that people in general are much more lax about rules with second and third kids than they are with a first.  I think that's pretty normal. 

    I had to do that as well. After I fell asleep at the table a few times, they stopped.

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  • I will try my hardest never to guilt trip them...my parents and DH's mom are notorius for this. 

    I want to have an open relationship with them and hope that they can feel like they can tell me anything, like my mom did with me.

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  • I will have a life outside my children.
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